Yowzah Oneshot Collection (3)

146(G)

                   Please, don't go!

                    meridalocksley

“What is the younger you doing here?” River asked absently as they entered the Tardis - this time the right one.

The Doctor stopped for a moment after he closed the door, still with his back towards River, trying to pull himself together.

I can’t do this. - he thought. He just met a younger version of himself, taking River to her first date with him. Was he really taking her to her last now? He couldn’t know whether it was his too or not, but regardless of that, he didn’t want it to be a last. He took a deep breath and followed her.

“Having a good time.” he smiled. “But we weren’t supposed to bump into him, you know.”

“Why not?” River asked with a smirk. “Think about it, we could have a double date sometime!”

“What?” he frowned. “No… stop! Don’t even-” The Doctor interrupted her holding up his index finger, but River continued.

“We wouldn’t remember it anyway.” she shrugged but then her eyes widened. “For all that we know we could have already had some of those.” she said jokingly.

He couldn’t help it, he was grinning under his nose. This was her River. Always succeeding to cheer him up when he most needed it, without even trying.

“Why would you want a younger me?” he approached her with a smug face. “While I am here?”

“Maybe we’d bump into an older you.” River shrugged and put his arms around his neck as he lifted her onto the console. “Who knows, maybe he’d even have a different face. You wouldn’t even recognise him.”

“Would you?” he asked on a playful tone but was fearing the answer inside. He shouldn’t have asked that.

“Spoilers!” River hushed him, for his relief, but her smile faded for a moment, making that relief vanish. It was a no.

“So?” River tilted her head and put her hand on the lever. “The Singing Towers then, at last?”

The Doctor placed his hand over hers and gently removed it from the lever.

During the past centuries he had plenty of time to figure out that Darillium will be more than a simple last night to them. A lot more. He was clever enough to make sure about that. And a part of him longed to be there already, but another part of him wanted to postpone it till the end of time. It might turn out to be the best of their time together, but it would inevitably also mean the beginning of the end. And he didn’t want it to end. Out of selflessness maybe, this way buying more time for her, but deep down he knew there was also a lot of selfishness in it, because he just wanted to hoard the time they had left, to still have something to look forward to, and still hoping that there is more in store to them until then. Always more.

“We have all the time and space…” he started quietly and put a reckless lock of hair behind her ear. “We could go to… ancient Greece… or Venice! Or there is that planet where-”

River kicked him lightly, but hard enough to make him shut up and flinch. “Hey!” he wailed.

“You are insufferable sometimes!” she jumped down from the console shaking her head.

“River…”

“I told you ages ago that I want to go there. Then when we finally decided to go, you came up with a better idea. Fine…”

“River!-”

“Then the last time you just didn’t show up because… of some crappy excuse! And now you cancel it agan! Do you always have to be in charge? You know that’s not working with me.”

“RIVER!”

“Don’t you dare shouting at me!” River started to get outraged.

“I am NOT SHOUTING!” he shouted.

River raised her eyebrow.

“Right.. sorry. Look, I just… Why can’t you just let me choose the place this once?”

“This once?” she repeated mockingly. “Why can’t you just let me choose the place this once?”

“You… you can be so annoyingly stubborn sometimes!” he whined.

“You used to like that.” River shrugged.

“Well I don’t like that now!” he opposed losing his patience. River put her hands on her waist and turned her back on him.

“Maybe we better don’t go anywhere tonight.” she said quietly and approached the door.

“No, River, please… please, don’t leave!” he said softly, stepping near her to hold her hand. She didn’t pull away.

“What is your problem with the Towers?” she asked, looking back from the doorstep, still keeping the distance.

“I just… don’t want to go there… not now.” he answered.

“Why?” she insisted. The Doctor let go of her hand and turned away, wearily rubbing his forhead. River bit her lip. “Is it some personal whim of yours or is it a “spoiler”? she asked.

He swallowed. It was both. ”I just… don’t have the most pleasant memories associated with that place.” he said finally.

”Personal whim then.” River said objectively. “You could have told me. I’d have understood.”

”I know.” The Doctor looked back at her. There was silence between them for a while.

“I'm sorry. Wanna talk about it?” River asked briefly.

“No.” he muttered.

“Okay then. Good night, Docor! Apparently this one is not ours.” she said as she opened the door and stepped outside.

“River…” he hurried after her but she disappeared right before his eyes.

He leaned against the Tardis’s door when he stepped back inside. He felt both miserable and relieved. River was right. This wasn’t their night.

But the price of trying to keep her near, was that he just pushed her away. He didn’t know how to feel about that. But maybe one day, he kept telling himself, an older version of him - or of River, will be thankful for him doing so now.

“I am truly awful.” he said out loud as he pushed off from the door. He could have handled it more carefully. “And idiot.” he added stopping in the center of the now so empty Tardis, which now strangely started to make her lights glimmer, almost as a way of letting him know that she agrees with him.