𝙽𝚞𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝙽𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚋𝚘𝚛 || 𝐓𝐎𝐃𝐎𝐁𝐀𝐊𝐔

five

Todoroki
hey there bakuhoe.

Bakugou
The fuck did you just call me you shitty ass candy cane?

Todoroki
sorry that was autocorrect i swear.

Bakugou
Yeah right.

Todoroki
did you call me a candy cane?

Bakugou
Yeah cause of your shitty hair.

Todoroki
you probably look like an adult size porcupine but you don't see me judging do you?

Bakugou
Oi. Watch your mouth.

Todoroki
daddy,

chill

Bakugou
I thought you were daddy?

Todoroki
nah, i'm master

Bakugou
Master?

Todoroki
yes kitten?

Bakugou
Ugh, I hate you.

Todoroki
you hate everyone tho

Bakugou
How'd you know?

Todoroki
it was a guess, honestly though you need to stop hating everyone.

Bakugou
Can't. Everyone hates me and I hate everyone as well.

Todoroki
i don't hate you

Bakugou
Too bad, I hate you.

Todoroki
it's okay,,

everyone hates me

Bakugou
Your cat doesn't.

Todoroki
sardine is just with me because i feed her

Bakugou
I thought sardine was a he?

Todoroki
sort of?

sardine doesn't respond when i say "come here boy" but he responds to "come here girl" so i thought,,

this cat is trans, which is fine, i totally respect her

Bakugou
Dude.
I lost most of my brain cells reading that.

Todoroki
you didn't have any to begin with

Bakugou
Fuck you.

Todoroki
when life fucks you hard just moan

Bakugou
Are you high or something?

Todoroki
nah, i don't smoke

Bakugou
You're high on something.

Todoroki
honestly,,
i'm sad and horny so like,,
yeah.

Bakugou
Gross. Too much information.

Todoroki
why is it gross though?

Bakugou
You being horny.

Todoroki
everyone gets horny right? i don't get why some people find it gross and call you a pervert sometimes when you say, "hey! i'm low key horny and want some good sex."

it's a normal thing you know?

Bakugou
There's no winning you is there?

Todoroki
does this mean you accept defeat?

Bakugou
Hell no!

Todoroki
heh,,

Bakugou
Ugh,
I'm gonna shower brb dumbass.

Todoroki
don't drop the soap

Bakugou
I'm gonna fucking throw it at your face.

Todoroki
yes daddy, mistreat me

Bakugou
-inhales-

GOODBYE

Todoroki
-inhales-

adios, señor