"Sorry, I'm late." Bungad ko kay Derek.
The dinner we talked about is delayed because he had a sudden emergency. Ngayon niya binalak iyon kaso muntik na din madelay dahil sa muntik ko na ding malimutan ang usapan namin.
He sipped on his wine and smiled. "Ayos lang. Nagpaganda ka naman masyado para sa'kin."
I rolled my eyes. "Sure ka?"
"Where else will you go after this? Wala, di'ba? You made an effort just to meet me. Para sa akin." He shrugged like a boss.
I laughed. Hindi ko alam na matutuwa pa ako sa kayabangan niya. In high school, I didn't believe them when they said that he's mayabang but right now that I'm witnessing it, hindi ko na alam. Its not that bad, though. Siguro nakasanayan ko na din tsaka puro naman siya biro.
Derek stayed as my friend when Leander and I broke up. He knows about that, too. Hindi ko alam kung papaano pero alam niya nga ang tungkol doon. I'm glad about that. Mabuti nga nandiyan siya dahil kung wala ay baka nadepress na ako, matagal na.
My brother didn't like him after what happened in the past. Hindi ko binabanggit siya kay Kuya kahit magkaibigan na kami noong college. Although, he knows about him. He doesn't really want to give a fuck.
My brother didn't change at all since his accident. Feeling ko, ako pa nga yata ang nagbago mula noon. I got closer to my brother even though we're really close. I got to know all his problems. I understand his pain. The accident made me see his soft and hurt side.
Ngumiti ako. "So you're saying that this is a date?"
Itinaas niya ang wine niya. "Now you're assuming."
Tumawa ako at sinipa siya sa ilalim ng mesa. "Hey! Magwo-walk out ako dito!"
"Just kidding." He leaned forward. "If you think this is a date then, consider it as a date."
He looked serious that's why my smile suddenly faded. Umiwas ako ng tingin at ginalaw ang basong wala pang laman na wine.
Hilaw akong ngumisi. "Nasaan na ba ang waiter? I badly need wine right now."
"Ayaw kong mag uwi ng lasing ngayon." He said and grabbed the wine on my hand.
Tinitigan ko siyang itabi iyon para ilayo sa akin.
"A wine can't make me go drunk that easy, Derek. Bakit ba ang damot mo? Sayo ba 'to?" I joked.
"Magkano ba 'to?" He laughed but then suddenly, he looked serious when he looked at me.
"Pero seryoso, Zeth.." Ngumiwi siya at pinaglaruan ang baso ng wine sa harap niya. "May pag-asa ba'ko sayo?"
There. That question always makes me go nervous everytime. I blinked fast and didn't know what to say.
Guys tried to date me. I had flings, just like what they call, but we never entered a relationship. I was scared, I admit. I'm scared to screw everything up. My experience made me scare myself.
Who wouldn't?
I'm scared to enter a relationship, tells all my secrets, make promises, live like we were in the middle of the spotlight and we're having the great time of our lives and then suddenly, I screw up.
Ayaw ko nang mahulog ng buong buo pagkatapos ay biglang mawawasak. I don't want to make another mistake. Ayaw kong mag pagsisihan ulit.
I licked my lips and had a small smile on my lips. "What are you talking about, Derek? Magkaibigan tayo."
He nodded and shrugged. "I always makes you feel that I like you, Zeth."
Suminghap ako.
"Yes but.. I always thought you were joking-"
