Finding Solace

XLIV

"I'm going to miss this." Leaning back in the seat, I closed my eyes and let the wind tangle my hair, tossing it around. Opening them, with head turned towards the window, I watched as the land cave and went. Miles and miles of grains and corn and fields of cattle and horses. Free, is what I equated it to, freedom and peace.

"Me too." Maverick returned his hands back on the wheel after he effortlessly changed gears in his truck. He insisted that we take it. His persuasion included more room and better traction in the snow. The downside was, was that I wasn't informed that it was a manual until after I agreed and got in. I had never learned to drive with a stick shift which meant he would have to drive the entire trip, which didn't help relieve any of my guilt for just agreeing for him to come along.
"You're coming back, right?" He turned his head to look at me while he asked, only to quickly turn it back to the road, cautious of the snow covered road. He turned tense almost, his posture sitting up straighter as he anticipated my response.

I thought back to the duffle bag that laid sprewed open in my room, a much smaller bag now laying in it place in the back seats. I thought of August who I had to leave behind, along with the horse and the people I had grown to care for. "Of course I'm coming back."

I watched as his shoulders sagged with relief and he settled himself back into his seat, relaxed once again. His right hand left the wheel, only to intertwine with mine, out adjoined hands now resting comfortable between us on the console. "Good." I felt his thumb soothing my skin. "That's good."

The traveling was quite easy with him and I did feel safer with him on the open road. If we weren't casually talking then the radio was playing at an appropriate level, quiet, but loud enough to appreciate the music. Occasionally, I could hear the low humming coming from the driver's side, mostly out of tune but just as enjoyable. Other times, mostly likely if the song wasn't familiar to him but he like it, his fingers would tap along to the beat of his hand wasn't occupying mine.

The only thing we didn't seem to agree on was payment. Since it was my fault we were even on this trip, I assumed I would be the one paying for everything, to which I didn't mind. Maverick, on the other hand, begged to differ. He also, thought he should pay for things, being the gentleman he was. After a disagreeing conversation, since it wasn't necessarily bickering, we decided to alternate paying for food and snacks. I, however, would not budge on lodging. For one night alone it was over a hundred dollars and it would only skyrocket in the city. Since I got lodging, he wouldn't budge on the gas, since it was his and it didn't get the same mileage as my car.

On the first night, when it began to grow dark and I began to see signs of cities that didn't belong to Texas, I contemplated the hotel room situation for a while. Sharing a bed didn't sit right with me at the moment, though, I wouldn't mind if we had to share. Two rooms would be expense and pointless in a way. It was only temporary and we only needed a bed each so a room with two beds would be the most ideal.

So, for the two nights on the road, we occupied the same room. It wasn't awkward by any means, just different. With Maverick's constant manners, giving me first shower and giving me space, I was able to find sleep easily, my pills keeping the nightmares at bay. Though I didn't wake up screaming, I often awoke quickly, with a sharp gasp, I still got some remnince of the bad dreams, of the memories. Thankfully, I didn't wake Maverick, for he was the one who had driven the entire way, while I had the luxury to take naps, which I didn't for both our sakes, while he was stuck at the wheel.

Once we began to approach the Hamptons, we began to see the unnecessary, overly large houses with so many room that it would be impossible to use even half of them properly. I also hated the flashy, obnoxious buildings. The city was full of towering buissness', stories high reflecting glass and of high class people. After being in the country for so long, I felt trapped, claustrophobic and I could tell that Maverick felt a similar way.

Navigating him through the city, I directed him towards a gated community. Here, I rented an air bnb out for a week, overestimating our time here, just in case of snow or any other inconveniences. I thought having access to a full kitchen would be better than a hotel microwave so we could eat real food. It was the smallest and cheapest I could find yet it was more than enough for the two of us. It even came with a indoor pool but it was much too cold for swimming.

Once we were settled, Maverick practically made a behind to the swimming area, leaving the sliding door open behind him. "Come on!"

"No way." I called after him while I put our remaining drinks in the fridge.

"It's heated." He called back and I saw that he had pulled off his shirt when I walked up to the door. "There's also a fence so no one will see us being dumb." He nodded to the white picket fence. I turned my head when he began to unbuckle his pants. "I'm also assuming you didn't bring swimwear like I did but underwear is pretty much the same thing."

I pulled at my sleeves. I heard him slip into the water and I turned back to him, his head still dry as he waded through the water, facing me."I don't mind swimming in my underwear. It's just-" I hung my head. "The scars."

"Scars don't name you ugly, Faylyn." He said it firmly yet it was somehow sympathetic at the same time.

"It's not not that." I shook my head, pondering for a moment. "No one has actually seen them before and I guess-" I pursed my lips. "I guess I don't really know why, it probably sounds stupid."

"It's not stupid, you're just not comfortable yet." He swam back to the side of the pool, leaning against it as he look up at me. "You don't have to get in if you don't want to but if you do, I can turn around while you get in. I won't be able to see them under the water, it's too dark." We had forgot to turn the lights on, the only light coming from the kitchen. I looked at him for several moments before sighing.

"Turn around." I swore I saw a grin threatening to overtake his face as he turned. I slowly peeled off my layers, keeping my eyes on the back Maverick's head. He never once turned to sneak a peak, just respectfully staring the the white fence or into the darkness.

Slipping into the water, I felt the warmth relax my body. It felt like bath water and it was heavenly yet strange to be able to look at snow outside while swimming. Once Maverick heard the water, he turned, and as I predicted, there was a smile on his face.

"Feels good, doesn't it?"

"Mhmm." I closed my eyes, sinking down until the water reached my chin.

We waded around for a while, aimlessly chatting as the warm water made us tired. When our fingers and toes wrinkled and we couldn't seem to stop yawning, we decided it was time to head inside.

We both swam to the side of the pool where Maverick had conveniently laid out two towels, as if he knew he would get me into the pool. As we wiped the water from our faces while we remained in the pool, I noticed he was looking at my shoulder. Through my hair cling to my back and hid it, I knew some of my scar was peaking out.

He placed his towel back on the side of the pool, only to move behind me. He placed his finger below my ear, tucking hair beneath it and I knew he was itching to move it. Bending down, me placed his lips to the back of my head. "Can I?" He asked.

I thought I would tense at this moment, to grip the the side of the pool and cry out a no, but I felt nothing but relaxed. Placing my towel down, I nodded my head. I felt him exhale heavily, as if he were holding his breath before I felt him moving my hair.

I had no feeling on the scar, the nerves and skin receptors having been permanently damaged, yet I knew he was tracing the damaged area. His head mine and I heard him place a kiss. I couldn't feel it yet I wished I could.

"Beautiful." He placed his lips on the top of my shoulder, where the skin was fine and I could feel his warmth. "Just beautiful."