Finding Solace

VI

It was hard to say that I was surprised when I woke with a panicked gasp of breath, clawing at my back as if it were being scorched from heat. Drops of sweat slid down my face and onto my nose and lips, the saltiness biting at my tongue. The nightmares that were my memories were still fresh in my mind, taunting me.

It was the first time in a long time that my sleep had been plagued. For months now, I have gotten through the night peacefully, artificially that is. One of my medications had been specially prescribed to me because of this and I had been a fool to forget the medication in my purse, which was in my car.

Hands still shaking at my sides, clutching the misplaced yellow comforter, I knew that sleep was no an option anymore. Fact was that if I closed my eyes again, trying to even just a wink more sleep, this would be bound to happen again. Judging by the fact that no one had run into the room yet to check on my, I had not yelled out, which had me sighing in relief. I had been a burden enough by accidentally barging into their home, uninvited that is. I didn't need to bother them anymore than I already had. The shakiness in my hands got worse, my heart rate was rising and so was the intakes of breath. I needed to distract myself before I passed out or worse, an anxiety attack.

Accustomed to just popping a pill to ease myself, I was a bit overwhelmed on how to fix the situation I was in, which just seemed to make things worse. I vaguely remember a therapist saying that autonomous sensory meridian response videos could help but my phone was currently sitting in a bag of rice downstairs. Sitting in the pouring rain with my phone in my pocket all but got it wet, refusing to turn on. Mrs.Somers had been nice enough to do that while I was still asleep the first time.

As my throat threatened to close, my breathing turning into a slight wheezing, I was desperate to get my attention away from what was happening. I shoved the covers away from my body, still overheated as my back felt like it was burning. I paced around the room, the wooden floor boards creaking beneath my weight, counting my steps as I went but I was doing absolutely nothing.

I felt trapped, as if the walls were closing in on me, preventing from breathing. Black spots danced across my vision as the air was stolen from my lungs, my ribs feeling cracked. My skin burned, my brain tricking itself to seem as if I could smell my own burnt flesh and hair. Retching, I ran to the window. Pulling on the cord, I yanked the blinds up before fumbling with the windows, forcing it upwards.

I gasped at the air, relieved when the claustrophobic feeling dissipated as looked across the vast lands. The sky was still an inky black but I could make out the flat lands and rolling hills that were scattered across the close property. The cool night air washed across my body as a breeze entered the bedroom, soothing my skin. Leaning against the frame, I closed my eyes and sighed, my muscles relaxing along with my mind.

Something tickles across the skin on my arm, the feeling of a bug crawling across my skin. Reeling back, I flung my arm around and watched as the bug landed on the window sill. The black bug stood out against the white paint, visible underneath the silver moonlight. Though I now enjoyed my life surrounded my absolute nature, I still hated bugs. Reaching my hand up, I prepared to squash my bug beneath my fingers but when it emitted a yellow glow, I stopped.

'A firefly.' I whispered into the night, marveled by the small bug. Placing my hand back down, I watched as it crawled around, flickering its light every so often. Even though it was a bug, I had never seen one before. Hell I'd never seen a horse until I passed a small farm back in Pennsylvania. A few moments later it flew up into the night sky, joining the rest of them. I smiled as I watched them, glowing in the early morning darkness.

Curling up in the window sill, one leg handing out the window, watching as the hours ticked by. First, it was the fireflies, flickering along to melody that the crickets were creating. Then, as day grew closer, the birds started to join in the serenading as the insects died out.
The sky started to fade from the darkness into a light gray color as the sun approached the horizon. It was then that the animals around the farm began to awake.

Out of nowhere, a rooster sounded, making me jump and clutch the sides of the window before I fell. It reminded me of those movies I used to watch alone in my room on Friday nights, curled up in ball, eating whatever snack I craved. The sky got lighter, changing from a dark gray to almost a light steel color.

A heavy set of footsteps sounded from the end of the hall, the floor boards staining beneath their feet. I heard every step as they went downstairs, another person following a few minutes later. One by one, three more people filled downstairs., a few minutes after each other. I didn't expect anyone to be up this early, farmers or not.

The door next to mine creaked open, yet another set of heavy footsteps sounded. This would be the only one to had to cross paths with my door to each the stairs. I listened as they walked towards my room, realizing that they were wearing a pair of boots. I expected them to just walk right down the stairs, just as the rest of them did, but this person didn't.

They paused right outside my door and I held my breath. I could see their feet beneath the crack between the door and the floor, the toes of their dirty boots turning towards me. They stood there for what seemed like forever, just staring at my door for no apparent reason, unsettling me.

"Don't you dare wake her up." I heard the familiar voice of Mrs.Somers hiss quietly.

"I wasn't going to." A male's voice said back, their feet turning towards the stairs.

"I know you are trying to be nice but she might take it the wrong way. Now go downstairs."I heard him release a heavy breath before heading downstairs, trailing Mrs. Somers.

I released the breath I was holding and clutched my pounding my heart. I listened to their quiet talking as I crept back to the bed, deciding it wouldn't be the best thing if they walked out of the house and saw me hanging out the window. I didn't exactly want to be seen period. Big crowds and family functions weren't exactly my forte. I just wanted to check on the animals, get my car and get out of here as fast as possible.