It was raining today. Honestly I love rain, going outside, getting wet and sitting wrapped in a blanket in a cold room with wet hair, sipping hot coffee. I usually like to be alone on rainy days, not cuz I'm sad or anything. I like being alone sometimes, thinking.
Although I felt pretty good after what happened at Wired, I still felt tied-up...tied-up to my past. I knew it was gonna take me some time, but it usually doesn't take me this long to move on. And I know it's hard for me to let go, but once I wanna it's really not hard for me to move on. Today was a me-day.
I went outside in the rain😊. I came back an hour later, hair wet, dripping to the ground. Hehe. I took a shower and then I changed into a super furry and soft robe. I put the hood on me and my furry slips. I closed my room's door and switched on the AC. I snuggled under the covers and sipped on coffee while binge-watching TVD.
*a few hours later*
I put aside my mac and I got up. I felt this urge to just run away. I paced around my room, restlessly. I was having a panic-attack, I thought I wouldn't have them anymore. Before I went to college, Aiden told me to call him whenever I had an attack. A million thoughts raced my mind, should I call him? or should I not? did he really mean whenever? are we still those sorta friends who call each-other? weren't we supposed to be together? when did it all go wrong? I hyperventilated, I could hear my heart racing, feel my legs giving. I struck my back against a wall, and as I slipped down on to the floor, I called him.
"Hello? Katie?" he said over the phone. I couldn't even say anything, I just tried breathing and calming myself down but my breath was still heavy.
"Katie? Katie!" he continued saying my name. Slowly, his words started echoing, distorting in my head. 'Pull yourself together Katie' I told myself. You can do it. I replied - "Hey, uhh yeaa sorry. I didn't realize I called you. Must have been an accident". My voice was shaky, I doubt he wouldn't have known.
"Katie, did you just..." he trailed off. I knew what he meant. I took a deep breath and said - "Yea, but I'm ok now".
"Okay, good"
"Bye now"
"Bye"
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