As I Die Awake (Completed)

Chapter 2: REALITY

Reality

It's Monday morning.

Right now I should be cursing my alarm clock. Dragging my self out of bed so I don't miss the 7:35 a.m. lecture in school.

I should be nursing a hangover from last night and tugging on the uniform of a decent or indecent college girl.

But I am not.

Instead, I'm sitting on the couch at the upper west side of our house, trying to find something entertaining on Netflix. Which is a major challenge.

Feeling ko kasi napanood ko na lahat ng magagandang movie sa Netflix pati na rin yung iba na by episodes. Last na natapos kong panoorin is yung 'Girl From Nowhere'. It's like everyone in social media is recommending that Thai series so I just thought to give it a try. And it's really worth my time.

"You're up early." Dad glides into the kitchen wearing his work outfit. A blue tuxedo with a necktie with purplish red ribbon design. I always find Dad as the person with the weirdest taste of necktie designs.

"And you are already 5 minutes late." I responded. Hindi ko sinabi sa kanya na hindi ako natulog. Dad wants me to stick to a normal sleeping routine. But normal and I don't coexist anymore.

"Hindi ko ba nasabi sa iyo?" He says, while preparing his favorite tea. Chamomile.

"Nasabi sa akin ang ano?" I asked back, still focused on the TV's screen.

"I will be in New York for the whole month. My flight is at twelve." He sat on his favorite reclining chair and sip on his tea while his other hand is holding today's news paper.

Dad is the best event planner in Manila, but he travels all over the world for his clients.

Noong nakaraang linggo, he did a wedding in Korea at nung sumunod naman ay nag-organize siya ng birthday ng isang prime minister. And the month before he was in Korea, he was in Tokyo for a charity ball.

Nitong nakaraan nagiging hectic na yung schedule niya sa trabaho. Minsan nakakalimutan na niyang sabihin sa akin kung kailan o saan siya pupunta to do his job.

Hindi ko alam kung anong isasagot ko sa sinabi niya. I put down the remote on the empty space of the sofa I'm sitting at. I'm not upset that he's leaving, again. But I'm not throwing confetti or a party either.

"Don't worry. Ashley will stay here until I get back." Ashley is my sister. My younger sister to be exact.

My shoulders fell. "Yeah great."

"Her last class ends at four," Dad says, oblivious to my sarcasm. "Think you'll be okay until then?"

I press my lips together and looked away.

When I am not in an episode, I don't need to be watched like a child. I'm a perfectly healthy adult, kaya ko ng alagaan ang sarili ko. But that is something my Dad has yet to grasp.

Halos dalawang taon na ang lumipas simula nang ma-diagnose ako sa sakit na KLS pero magpahanggang ngayon hindi niya pa rin tuluyang naiintindihan itong condition ko. I don't think he ever intends to either.

"Aurora?" He called for attention nang mapansin niyang hindi kaagad ako sumagot sa kanya. Mariin muna akong napapikit bago muling binuksan ang aking bibig.

"Ash doesn't need to come to my apartment, Dad. I'm an adult, I'll be fine." Ash ang tawag ko saking kapatid, short for Ashley.

Ash is a highschool student at LSU, and I hate that my problems are affecting her life almost as much as they do my own.

Imbes na i-enjoy niya ang kanyang buhay teenager kasama ang kanyang mga kaibigan at gumawa ng iba't ibang masasayang alaala kasama sila. I'm afraid she's about to spend a month playing Monopoly and having Harry Potter movie marathons with me.

I'm sure she'll resent me.

And more than the guilt and fear, I feel an overwhelming sense of shame. No 'twenty-two-year-old' wants to be babysat by their eighteen year old sister. Palagi nalang akong nagiging pabigat sa pamilya ko, pakiramdam ko napipilitan nalang sila na alagaan ko kasi obligasyon nila as a family. Kasi pati ako napapagod na rin sa sarili ko. I did not wished to be this weak and I will never will.

"Huwag ka ngang magbiro ng ganyan, Aurora." Dad scoffs at me over his cup of chamomile tea. "I'm not leaving you unsupervised."

A long sigh escaped my lips and I turn toward the window. Kitang kita mula dito ang napakagandang tanawin ng Central Park. Everything seemed so peaceful from up here but I longed for the experience out there. My heart kept on yearning for the new horizons of tomorrow and lusting for wanders everyday.

Minsan iniisip ko na para akong pinatapon sa napakalayong lugar para hindi maka-istorbo sa buhay ng iba. Pinatapon ako kasi naiiba ako sa lahat at walang lugar para sa taong tulad ko. My so called home felt foreign, ang lugar kung saan naka-apak ang mga paa ko ngayon ay parang isang tore kung saan ako naka-kulong.

Araw-araw na nananaginip ng gising at walang ibang nagagawa kundi magdasal at humiling na sana tumigil muna ang oras para sa akin. Where I can enjoy the world kahit sa konting oras lang without feeling like closing my eyes. Kasi alam ko na the moment I close these pair of spheres, a huge chunk of my life will be gone and stolen from me again.

Kaya't minsan napapaisip ako will there be a prince charming that will rescue me?

Just like the prince charming of Rapunzel who visits her often in her tower prison.

When will I meet my Romeo who whole heartedly loves his Juliet? Or my beast who Belle truly loves despite of it's appearance.

Hanggang kailan ako mamamangha sa mundo mula sa malayo? Mangangarap na maranasan ang buhay sa labas ng mga pader?

Malalim akong napabuntong hininga at napatingin nalang sa kawalan, guess I'll be spending the rest of my entire life inside hanggang sa malagutan na ako ng hininga. Me and the house is bound forever till death do us part.