tea - dreamnotfound

sweet dreams

dream wheezes as i fall from a tall spruce tree, screaming my lungs off.

"no! dream! leave me alooooooone!"
"oh geoooooooorge!" he manages to push out in between his choked laughs of pure evil.

this is the first time dream is trying out streaming on twitch and of course it had to be a manhunt. everyone loves the manhunts. i lost all my stuff just a couple of minutes ago, and now dream's chasing after me with his full iron armor while i can only show off a stone sword.

i'm supposed to be the one hunting him, not the other way around, but as usual things never go according to plan. quite suspenseful actually, and the fans love it when unpredictable twists and turns switch up the games, so i guess i should be satisfied too.

suddenly dream slows down a little in the middle of the hectic goose chase, and i find it strange since he usually never gives me any room to breathe. i start teasing him, but he has completely stopped chasing me at this point.

"hey, that's kinda rude," he mumbles to my utter confusion.
"what?"
"someone just said that you.." he pauses for a moment, "actually, just forget about it."
"huh?" i say, still just as confused but also nervous, "what did they say?"

dream's lack of a response gets my thoughts spinning. did someone say something about me? was it rude? what's going on? i need to know. i can't stand not knowing.

while i'm distracted by the growing cloud of anxiety inside of my head, dream takes the opportunity to jump me from behind, dragging me down to a measly single heart. i instantly snap back to reality and dream cackles even though the screams he probably expected are absent. he continues on like nothing's happened, and i try my best to follow along but i just can't get in the mood anymore. it's so pathetic that such little things trigger my brain to just shut down.

i gulp down the last of my tea, not really caring much about the game for once. as soon as i set my cup down i realize i've stepped into water, giving dream the prime opportunity to slaughter me. at this point we've streamed for so long that it's not worth respawning anymore, i won't be able to gear up again. dream agrees to end the stream when i ask him about it and we tell the chat goodbye before finally shutting it off.

dream lets out a sigh of relief when he's gone offline, probably happy with his first ever stream. i can't push myself to say much. i just lean back in my chair, waiting for dream to start speaking.

"that went pretty well, didn't it?" he exclaims proudly.
"yeah, not so bad for your first stream after all," i say, adding in a few forced chuckles.
"though i should probably get some mods for next time, chat went pretty crazy."

my thoughts wander back to what just went down a few minutes prior.
"uhm, well, what did they say.." i pause as i feel the anxiety creeping back, "a-about me?"
"it was nothing special george, don't go around worrying about it."
"it was something mean, wasn't it? that's why you don't want to tell me."

"look george, i can tell it's bothering you and that's just another reason why i'm not saying it to you," he starts, and i can almost feel him lean closer to his microphone, it's like he's leaning closer to me, taking my hand and-

"it was just a dumb troll and you shouldn't care so deeply about it. you need to learn to just ignore the hate because you get a lot of it as a streamer, you know that yourself already. besides, why do you care so much now? you used to never listen to the haters before."
"i guess i'm just in a bad mood today."

the truth is that i'm tired from holding my facade up for so long. i've always come off as this smiling energetic kid who banshee screams and just acts a mess all the time, but honestly i'm sick of pretending. this real version of me was buried under thick layers of anxiety, sadness and just general shit a long time ago. i wish i could actually enjoy myself still, without having to fake being so happy.

"is there anything you want to talk about?" dream carefully asks, "you know i'm always here for you."

his words make me blush and awakens the hibernating butterflies in my stomach. just a few words got me flustered? damn, i guess i've gone even deeper into this rabbit hole than i previously thought. this rabbit hole of feelings for my best fucking friend. i get lost just thinking about it, so lost that i almost forget to respond.

"no, not unless you tell me." ouch, that came out sounding harsher than i expected.
"george, i won't. it's just unnecessary."
"well then i'll just go back and watch the vod," i huff.
"i can't stop you from that."

the conversation dies out. dream doesn't say anything until i loudly yawn.

"tired?" he laughs, "it's getting pretty late, you should go to bed."
"yeah, probably," i mumble.
"i'll talk to you tomorrow, i've got some exciting video ideas."
"of course you do," i sigh and smile, wishing dream could see it.

"goodnight, i love you george."

my heart skips a beat. it always does as he tells me that.

"goodnight dream. sleep well tonight."

but as usual i can't bring myself to say it back.