tea - dreamnotfound

a seedy place

i use the fork to pick at the food on my plate. clay has put lots of effort into cooking me this delicious looking meal of rice and some kind of meat drenched in a moisturizing sauce and here i am, cutting it up into the smallest of pieces and barely even nibbling at those. i feel horrible. i don't deserve him.

"does it taste good? i'm afraid i used too much salt," he asks, taking a sip of water.
"it's good," i mumble.

he gives me an empathetic glance, reaching across the table to caress my hand. just that simple touch makes my heartbeat race.

"should i make you a sandwich instead? i can put this in the fridge to eat later."

i quietly nod, attempting to hide my shame by staring down at my lap.

clay lets go of his utensils and stands up to grab the ingredients. he holds up a few different types of bread he so thoughtfully went out and bought earlier today so i can choose between them. i tiredly point at a brown sort, looking like a funky version of a hamburger bun with different seeds scattered on top. he opens the plastic bag and takes it out before asking me for further instructions.

"you want both the buns?"
"i guess i could do both." i shrug.
"alright, tell me exactly how you want them."

i blush at his thoughtful words, wondering how the hell i got lucky enough to end up with such a caring and loving boyfriend.

"well... i want some butter but not too much," i start, watching clay open up the fridge, "and you can grab a few leaves of lettuce. and three pieces of cucumber."

he nods, slathering the butter onto the bottom bun with a knife.

"is that enough?"
"just.. can you remove some?"
"of course," he smiles, scraping a bit off again to match my wants.

after he's done he adds pieces of the lettuce and three cucumbers slices, just like i told him.

"thank you so much," i say as he scoots the plate with my custom made sandwich towards me on the table. he then continues eating the last of his food, refraining from making more conversation to not stress me out.

for the first time ever i don't hesitate when taking a bite, determined to show my gratitude. it doesn't taste like much but it's perfect for me.

as usual i eat slowly, however this time only until a few bites in. the feeling of actual decent food in my mouth is waking the buried hunger in me. i realize i'm starting to crave more, but it doesn't phase me as much as it usually would've done.

in the back of my head something is telling me this is wrong, that this goes against everything i've set up for myself. i bravely ignore it, finishing the rest at an impressive speed.

clay's soon done eating too, putting his plate and utensils in the dishwasher.

"i thought we could have a movie night tonight," he mentions, strutting over to me, "but it's mostly just an excuse to cuddle with you on the couch."
"hell yeah."

i'm about to get up from the chair when clay unexpectedly lifts my body with ease instead. i feel my face beginning to burn as i grip onto his shoulders, lips so teasingly close to his. he lets out the cutest little laugh and follows that with a sloppy, wet kiss on my cheek.

"you're so pretty, honey boo," he whispers into my ear, giving me goosebumps. i hide the fact that i'm trying to not die from a sweetness overdose by giggling. we can't stop admiring each other as he makes his way over to the couch in the living room. how someone can be this hot is beyond me.

he doesn't let me go when we've arrived. instead he simply sits down, leaning back and enjoying having me on his lap. i'm pretty sure there are visible hearts present in his gorgeous emerald eyes. he looks at me like i'm a treasure worth a billion dollars, and i love it.

i already know this night will turn out amazing.