tea - dreamnotfound

remote getaway

the chilling london wind hits us as soon as we step outside the apartment complex. winter's getting noticeably closer, and i regret not bringing a jacket. i thought a sweatshirt would do, but clearly i underestimated mother nature. oh well, too late to turn back now i guess.

i lead clay over the road and start our seemingly aimless walk around town.

"so, where do you wanna go?" i ask him, "what do you wanna see?"
"i don't know, you tell me," he shrugs, wheezing quietly.

i dodge a brown looking leaf that's flying towards me and mentally facepalm before responding.

"there's really nothing interesting around here. nothing that i'd be interested in anyway, but i rarely get out of my apartment so i guess my opinion is invalid."
"don't say that," he frowns, "i'll be happy if you just show me a park or something."
"i know a nice one!" i exclaim, feeling the excitement of showing clay my favorite park build up inside.
"well, take me there."

we pass old buildings with pimped out facades and huge pots of roses and tulips standing out by the front porches. an old man with a bag full of bird seeds is surrounded by hungry pigeons and seagulls wanting to feast. a group of children have drawn up a hopscotch court in chalk on the wide pavement, hopping away in turns. the girls' loose braids flail wildly as they go, each one picking up the rock they've thrown out before returning to the start.

just a normal day for me, but clay observes every single action and detail around us with interest. i'm not sure if he's genuinely intrigued, or if he's just pretending to be to make me feel good.

as we approach the park no more buildings are available to block the ice cold winds, and i start to feel like a helpless little leaf myself. i rub my palms together, shivering to try and warm up. clay immediately notices, and stops me with just a touch of his hand.

"here, you can have my hoodie," he says, swiftly taking it off so that he's only clad in his white t-shirt, "i don't want you to freeze."
"but now you'll get cold," i point out, my heartbeat accelerating.
"i'll be alright."

he carefully pulls it over my head, helping me find the sleeves like i'm a kid. most people would hate being babysat like this, but for some strange reason i enjoy it. maybe it's just because clay is right in front of me, grazing my skin ever so slightly in his attempts to straighten out the oversized red - or at least i believe it's red - hoodie.

it fits perfectly over my sweatshirt, a little long, but that's okay. the sleeves however, aren't okay. they extend way below the tip of my fingers, giving me the iconic sweater paws. i raise my arms to show clay my disappointment, but his response isn't what i expected.

"aawww, that's-" he gasps, a hint of pink now adorning his cheeks, "that's adorable."

i frown, pretending to be hurt by his comment. really i'm imploding.

"shut up."

he wipes the pink away, wheezing his lungs out instead as he ruffles my hair around.

"anyway, there's a hot dog stand over there and i figured you must be starving by now, wanna go get some?"
"s-sure," i stutter, scanning the box shaped stand.

shit. i decide i'll just have to go along with this to not raise any suspicion.

clay cuts across the street with me dragging behind him. a boy and his mother leave with their food just as we walk up to order, so i take the opportunity to see what the hot dogs look like. they're greasy as expected, but it might be fine. i should be able to manage that.

clay takes a quick look at the whole menu before reciting his order to the lady inside. he nudges me - who's just been blankly staring at nothing - in the side a few times to remind me that it's my turn. i swallow the lump in my throat and manage to push out the name of the simplest item, a grilled hot dog in a bun without ketchup or anything. with that i order a bottle of water to drink.

while we wait for our food to finish cooking i aggressively start fiddling with the hem of clay's hoodie, hoping he won't notice my little obsession. my cuticles are taking quite the hit too as a direct result of the nerve wracking wait. the delicious smell from inside the little kitchen is actually making me pretty hungry, but guiltily so.

i catch clay glancing down at me a couple of times with a foreign look in his eye. it's to my surprise not a look of disgust or annoyance, but of something completely different.

the lady reaches her arms out to give us our hot dogs when they're finished. i take a big swig of water before eating while clay devours his food straight away, motioning me towards a nearby bench.

hesitantly i take a small bite out of the meat, chewing it slowly as we sit down together. it tastes decent, i can deal with this. after each bite i drink a sip of water to make myself feel better. clay finishes his hot dog pretty fast and thankfully seems to refrain from commenting on how slow i am at eating.

a nauseous feeling begins to build up in stomach when i've nearly gotten through everything, but i do my best to ignore it. i can't fuck this up now.

as i swallow the last piece of the bun and drink the last of my water i begin shivering again, not knowing if it's from the wind or the sudden strange nausea. i push my shoulders up, making the hoodie cover my neck and chin. i try to keep a neutral expression while watching the steamboats float by on the river but it doesn't take long for clay to spot the sweater paws shaking.

"are you still freezing?"

i silently nod.

"here.." he says, pausing, almost like he's unsure of whether or not to continue his sentence, "come sit."

he pats his lap for me to sit on, giving me the sweetest little smile as a cherry on top. instead of shaking my hands are now trembling, my voice is trembling, everything is. i scoot closer, furiously blushing as i climb onto him, although i'm too scared to lean backwards.

"no, the other way."

he helps me turn around on his lap by lifting me slightly. i place my legs on either side of his, straddling him on the bench. our eyes meet for a fraction of a second, just enough for me to see that he's blushing too.

he wraps his bare arms around my waist and allows me to relax into his soft touch. i close my eyes, carefully returning the warming embrace. i bury my face into the side of his neck, my nose being greeted by his calming scent. as he starts drawing shapes on my back i snuggle closer, sighing contently.

my heart is going crazy, beating faster and faster by the second even though i'm completely relaxed. i can feel clay's heart pounding just as hard against the right side of my chest. it's like we're connected as one, like the world around us has halted to a stop. i'm not even sure if i still know how to breathe.

he leans in closer to my ear, letting his hot breath linger before whispering:
"is this better?"

i try to speak, but my voice fails me. instead, i nod and let a giggle escape my lips.