"what's wrong?" clay wonders, voice muffled and filled with concern. his face is nuzzled into my dark brown hair. i can feel his breathing against the top of my head, and it's making mine hitch more than it already was.
"i don't-i don't know."
"you don't have to tell me," he reassures me.
"i wish i could."
"if you ever feel ready, i'll be here to talk."
carefully i scoot even closer to him so that i can get lost in the warm embrace. i'm scared of seeming too touchy, too affectionate, too gay, but right now i don't wanna let go.
his arms are perfectly locked around me, giving me a strong sense of security and yet another reason for my butterflies to go wild. the heat from his body radiates out through his thin shirt. i start to sweat and decide to let go before clay notices.
"you wanna do something?" he asks when i've created some distance between us, "play minecraft, code a plug-in?"
"i'm too tired," i reply coldly, hiding myself under the bedsheets.
"george, you can't just stay in here all day."
"why not?"
"cause i won't let you just rot in your own sadness. i can tell something's really bothering you, i'm not dumb."
he lies down on top of the covers behind me, reaching his hand out to play with my hair.
"is this okay?"
i nod, face heating up once again.
slowly he undos the tiny knots in my hair, occasionally brushing against my scalp. after he's done, he lets his fingers smoothly run from front to back, sending shivers down my spine. i close my eyes, enjoying his soft touch. it distracts me from my many problems for a little while.
"i think it would be good for you to occupy your mind with something meaningful today," he explains, barely speaking above a whisper.
"i told you i don't have the energy right now," i scoff, sounding way harsher than intended.
"i know that's what it feels like, but once you get out of bed and get going it'll change. the motivation is incredibly hard to find but trust me, when you've struggled through the first part everything will ease up and you'll find yourself with loads of new energy. i promise."
i turn my body to face him.
"sure, but it'll just be the same story tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that until i physically can't get out of bed anymore."
clay's hand slides away from my head, slightly brushing against my cheek on the way down. i don't know whether that was intentional or not.
"hey, i care about you a lot," he starts, looking me straight into the eyes, a contact i can't keep for long, "and it really hurts seeing you this... this apathetic, i guess. i don't know much about what's going on in your life at the moment, but it really, truly breaks me when you're sad. you're my best friend man."
i find it cute how clay cares more about me than i do. at the same time, i don't wanna be a total burden like i am right now. even though he's saying all these things about how he cares, he won't stay forever if i never get myself together. and the last thing i want is to lose clay, the guy i literally crave, as pathetic as it sounds.
maybe this is all toxic, him staying here, and my feelings constantly growing when i know they'll never be returned. maybe i'm better off without him.
"if i let you be for a few hours, do you promise to take a walk with me this afternoon?"
i scratch my neck.
"a walk?"
"yeah, why not?" he chuckles, "i wanna see some of the city too."
"fine, a walk it is then," i mumble, rolling my eyes and sinking down into the pillow again.
YOU ARE READING
tea - dreamnotfound
Fanficgeorge is not only plagued by his eating disorder, but also by his small crush on his best friend that only seems to grow as the days go by. ~~~ tw; eating disorders, self-harm/general violence, swearing, no smut but a lil more than just fluff/impli...
