tea - dreamnotfound

who is cutting onions?

i turn the stove off, pulling the frying pan with my breakfast masterpiece aside. just as i open the fridge to get some juice out clay starts shifting.

"good morning?" he mutters like it's a question.
"morning," i greet him, pouring the juice from the carton into a glass, "i made you breakfast."

he stretches his limbs, peeling the blanket he was wrapped into off his body.

"thank you man," he yawns, a grateful smile sneaking onto his lips.
"i hope you like eggs."
"i do."

as he stands up and stretches more, i take out a plate from one of the cupboards above the sink, placing it on the table next to the glass of juice. i carefully lift the eggs over onto the plate to not ruin them. it's not like they're already a yellowy mess.

"what time is it? how long was i sleeping?"
"for like 16 hours," i giggle, still amazed at that number.
"what," he mumbles with that deep morning voice.

"take a seat, i hope you'll enjoy."
"aren't you gonna have breakfast?"
"no, i ate when i woke up."

clay sits down, hair a mess, eyes tired. yet he's still as adorable as before. still as breathtaking. fuck. i debate sitting down with him, even though i don't know if i can handle it right now. but wouldn't it be disrespectful to leave him here all by himself? i feel my palms getting clammy.

"i-i have to go make a phone call, i'll be back," i lie before i scurry off into my bedroom to avoid panicking in front of clay. i snatch my phone off my nightstand when i pass it, hitting sapnap's contact just as i fall down into bed. he picks up after only a couple of seconds.

"george?" he mumbles, voice raspy.
"shit, did i wake you up? i'm sorry," i hastily respond, just now remembering the time difference.
"no, it's fine."

i know he's lying to not make me feel guilty.

"i'm sorry i called. i just needed to vent."
"i'm telling you it's fine dude. go on now, spill the tea."

i wrap myself in my blanket, taking a few deep breaths so i don't royally freak out on call.

"well, clay's here now and i'm already fucking everything up," i start, sighing, "he fell asleep when we were watching a movie last night and i got him a blanket but i just couldn't help but look at him sleeping there cause he looked so pretty and i just wanna-"
"calm down alright? we have all the time in the world, take it slowly."

i can feel tears starting to build up in my eyes, threatening to drench my cheeks. i lower my voice, afraid that clay might hear me venting.

"wh-what i wanna say is just... i just can't deal with having him here knowing he doesn't feel the same way about me. i-it's too much, i'm so insecure about everything, i feel useless and pathetic for feeling this way, for being such a pussy just because.. just because i'm falling for him."

"georgie.." sapnap says, tone filled with pity, "please don't cry!"

he hears me sniffling and curling up in my sheets.

"i don't know what to do nick."
"i know it's not as simple as just confessing, but try to spend a lot of alone time with him, have some deep talks if you can. maybe he will grow to like you more, or maybe you'll realize that he already likes you as more than just a friend."

"he's straight," i quickly point out.
"you don't know that."
"he's had girlfriends."
"doesn't mean he can't be anything other than straight," he argues.

"i guess. whatever. i need to hang up now anyway."
"promise you'll be fine? just call me if you need anything else."
"you're not my slave, nick," i sigh, trying to stop the last tears from flowing.
"no, but i'm your best friend. therefore i'll support you to the end of times."

i can literally hear his grin through the phone.

"thanks, but i just feel like burden," i mutter.
"well you're not. i love you george."
"goodnight."

we hang up and i proceed to stare at the wall. don't cry more, stop. i need to stop. stop thinking about this.

i lay in silence for another five minutes until clay suddenly bursts through the door.

"oh, sorry! were you busy?" he immediately blurts out when he sees me laying in bed.

straight away i notice the fact that he's shirtless. i can feel my pulse start to rush away as i try to hide my flustered face that's now not only red from the tears.

"i-it's fi-fine."
"i just need a new shirt, my old one was... kinda soggy."

he digs through his suitcase on the floor, pulling out a plain white t-shirt and swiftly putting it on. i try to calm myself down.

when he turns to look at me again, his expression turns from neutral to one filled with worry.

"have you been crying?"

i don't respond. instead more stupid tears come out. i fucking lose it.

"jesus, come here."

he walks over to me, scooping me up into his arms. i cling onto his sides, crying rivers into his shoulder. the warm, comforting feeling he gives me just makes me cry more. i want to scream i love you, but my body refuses. so i just hold him closer.