This isn't the end

THE TALKS

The date with Julian went great. We had  dinner and stayed in a park in our town talking. He actually turned out to be not so annoying as I initially thought.

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Ugh, I hate Mondays, especially Monday mornings. They are the worst. I slept in since I hadn't slept a lot the whole weekend so I missed first period.

When I came to school Val was waiting for me. She attacked me immediately.

»Where were you? Why didn't you answer any of my texts or calls? I was so worried.«

I didn't want to tell her about Saturday night but I have to says something. »I went on a date with Julian.«

»Who?«

Oh, right. Stupid me. I haven't told her I know his name now.
»Julian is the boy I saw on the bus. I saw him on Saturday when I had to pick some last minute birthday things in the supermarket. We talked and we went out yesterday.«

She threw her hands in the air and hugged me really tight.

»OH. MY. GOD.« she likes to quote Janice from Friends for some reason. »You have to tell me everything. Now!«

She was practically dragging me over to my desk. Just when I started to talk the teacher came inside.

»Later.« I promised her.

It was lunch now. Val stormed out of the classroom. She's probably meeting with Felix. They are still together. Since I got ditched I decided to go to my favourite place. The bench.

When I sat down Luke approached me. It was freezing and I could see that he was cold because he was only wearing a hoodie. However the sun was shining and it was nice feeling the sun after nearly a month of clouds and bad weather.

»So you're skipping lunch again.«

»Oh, you noticed.« I felt ashamed that he actually noticed since Val was too busy with Felix and Patty was miles away. Which reminded me I have to tell her about yesterday.

He looked at me and bit his bottom lip. I could see he wanted to say something but he was holding back.

A few quiet minutes passed.

»You look skinnier. Have you lost weight? I mean I'm not saying you're fat or anything just you look different.«

»No, I haven't noticed« I lied. I haven't eaten a proper big meal in over a month.Not after that dad incident, and especially not after Saturday. I think the last time I was so full I couldn't walk was on Christmas.

»It's just. I see you. You skip lunch. You barely eat anything and at your party you haven't touched any of the food you prepared. I want to know what's going on with you.« He was lookin at me with concern in his eyes. I hate this look.

I looked him in the eyes: »Why do you even care. It's not like we're best friends.«

He didn't look offended.

»I told you about my mom. Haven't I? The only one who knows is Felix. But even Felix doesn't know something. I had an older sister.« he lowered his gaze. He was looking at his hand which were in his lap.

I could see it was hard what he was about to tell me.

»Right before she died. I noticed something. I was only 10 but I saw that she got really skinny really fast. She didn't eat lunch with us at home. I barely saw her in the kitchen. She was 17 when I heard her and mom yelling something about some sort of eating disorder and that she needed help. But she didn't want help. Two weeks later mom finally convinced her to go see this doctor on the other side of the country. Mom was supposed to go with her but I was sick and Nate had this soccer game dad had to take him to. So she went alone.« he was tearing up. His voice was shaky. I took his hands into mine.