This isn't the end

IS THIS KARMA, OR IS IT FAITH

APRIL

When I opened the door I saw Val. I thought she was spending the afternoon with Felix. When I examined her I saw she had been crying. My heart stopped when I heard the Words that came through them "we need to talk"

I Got anxious. Talk. Talk about what? I thought I told her everything at the party. Today she didn't even talk to me. A million scenarios went through my head.

I realized we were still standing at the door."Come in."

We walked to the kitchen.

"Do you want anything? Tea? Juice?" I was flowed with anticipation.

"hmm no thanks." she looked pretty upset and nervous. I Wonder what's going on.

A few minutes passed and she was still quiet.

"is that Julian's?" she asked pointing at the red hoodie I was wearing. She hates red.

"yes, he spent the night after the party and left it here." I couldn't help it and a smile crossed my face. There was so much I wanted to Tell her about that night But she wanted to Tell me something so this will wait.

"Great." her response was cold.

"So me and Felix broke up." she didn't seem very upset anymore. More like she accepted something that was long coming.

"Oh,. Fuck I'm SO sorry. Why though? You looked Happy together. He really cares about you he even talked to me about you." I was concerned. I really thought they were going strong.

"it's because I don't love him. After I talked to mom I realized he isn't the person 'i'm in love with." she was looking at her Tea not wanting to look at me.

"what do you mean he isn't the person you're in love with. Who are you in love with then?" I didn't know what to think, but I was curious. The talk with Tommy flashed through my mind. I'm pretty sure it's not me.

She slowly looked me in the eyes: " because I'm in love with you April. I've always been in love with you."

Wait. Did I hear that right? Did she Just say she's In love with me?!?!? A part of me wanted to scream of excitement the other part wanted to strangle her. It was a battle inside of me until I finally decided what to say.

" you know how many times i've imagined you saying that to me? A million Times. I was a mess after you got together WITH Felix. But to come to me now, now that i'm Happy with Julian. It isn't fair Val. Why didn't you say that before. I was In love with you for months trying to survive seeing you with HIM everyday at school. But you were too busy to notice anything was wrong with me. Last few months before I met Julian were terrible! You know how many times I wanted to talk to you about it but I didn't because you were always with him? I didn't want to disturb your perfect little world." god that was a lot of words and feelings for me. But it did Hurt. And it had to be said.

"why now Val?" I could feel a knot forming in my throat, keeping myself from falling apart in front of her.

"I-I... Wh-When I saw you with Julian I was jealous, extremely jealous. I've had this feelings for a while now but I didn't want them to be true. I don't know I didn't know what to do with this feeling. So I Just thought they would go away. But after our Fight I saw you Kiss Julian and I knew that I couldn't hide anymore. I spoke to mom when she came back from chemo and she told me to go for it. " she was holding Tot that cup like it was her life.

Oh my god, Tommy was right. She did have feeling for me. But i'm over her. I have Julian now.

" you know how long it took me to get over you? Six months. I thought I could never be Happy. That happiness doesn't exist. But then I met Julian and he made me forget everything about you. I'm sorry Val But you are too late." when I said that I felt relieved. I told her How I Felt but as soon as I said it I knew that all of it was true. I really do like Julian. A lot.

" If you want we can still be friends But I'll understand if you can't. I know Hard it is to see someone you love be with someone else. It hurts like a bitch." I managed to Pull a little smile through the tears that were starting to roll down my cheeks.

I looked at her. She was crying. I don't know what to do.

"I want to be friends with you." she finally said.

"I never want to lose you because even as a friend you are more than enough for me. I wish we would be more but I get it you're in love with Julian now." she faked a smile.

I was glad. Even if it was just a fake smile.

"Can I hug you?" I asked.. She knows i'm not a huggy person. She nodded and I pulled her in a hug.

She stayed the whole afternoon. She told me about everything i've missed when we haven't talked and I told her everything about Tommy, leaving Julian and he alcoholic parts out of it.

She left at around 9 pm. That was 3 hours ago. But I couldn't stop thinking what would be if our timing was right, How it would feel to touch her, Kiss her, run my fingers through her hair. She was my first real crush. I knew i'd never forget her.

Before I knew it I drifted away.

I dreamt about Julian. Who knew a person I met a few months ago could be so important to me now.