This isn't the end

The goodbye

I was released from the hospital a week ago. ever since then I was looking at different programmes and facilities with psychiatrics. I decided to go to a programme which includes both alcohol abuse and mental issues. It's run by a very famous woman named Merida Harrison supposedly the best in her business.

Today is the day I leave for 3 weeks. I already said goodbye to Patty, she left a few days after I told her I'm going to treatment. That goodbye was terrible because we were planning on spending those exact 3 weeks first at hers and then we were supposed to go upstate to a lake. She said she'd rather I get better than for me to get worse. Therefore our plans were moved.

The next person is Julian. he should be here any minute. The bell rang I went to open it. To my surprise it was Val.

"Oh, Val what are you doing here." we haven't spoke since that day.

"I heard you're leaving. I just wanted to say goodbye." she seemed nervous.

"Yeah, come in." I said to her. "Mom, it's Val, we're going upstairs." she mumbled something back and we went upstairs to my room.

when we came to my room she sat on the bed and I closed the door. It's an old habit which I'm going to have to get rid off since mom said my door should always be opened unless I'm changing my clothes. I sat next to her. I was about to say something and then she kissed me. It was fast and I pulled away in a second. I was dreaming of this moment for so long and now that it was here I felt nothing.

"What are you doing Valerie!?!"

"I'm sorry, I just wanted to feel your lips at least once before you leave."

I wish she had said that half a year ago, it would mean so much. However today all i could do was break her heart. It hurt me when I said. "You shouldn't have done that. I want you to leave. Now. Please."

She left my room. I was still dumbfounded when Julian entered my room.

"Hey, sweetie." He kissed me on the cheek. "Are you ready for me to take you?"

"Yes, just a moment. I'll meet you downstairs." I gave him a little kiss and then he left.

slowly I took my suitcase and made my way down. everyone was there even Tommy who left early from his exams. Tommy gave me a hug first. He whispered in my ear "I'll always love you." "I'll always love you too." I sensed he wanted to add something but he stayed quiet.

I turned to Jack. "Hey, champ. Have a great summer and some peace while I'm away. Deal?" I didn't want him to hear me tearing up. So I gave him a hug. "I love you."

I turned to mom. I don't know what changed but I couldn't bring myself to hug her. She hugged me but I was stiff in her arms. "Bye, mom and George."

"Bye, honey." I saw a little tear make way down her cheek. I turned away and started walking to the door where Julian was. Tommy came after me. We haven't had a proper talk since the hospital.

"I wish you had said something April. I didn't know you were struggling that bad."

"There's nothing you could do back then. I wasn't ready to get better. But I am now. Take care of JAck while I'm away." I hugged him tightly.

"I will. Bye." He waved at us.

We made our way to the car. It was this old blue car for which I wasn't even sure how it was still alive. But It was Julian's car. We left my driveway and drove away. Music was blasting, it was really hot. I looked at JUlian and I thought: "I'm happy. I'll get better. For him. Because I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him."