𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞; mattia polibio

003

flashback

i'm playing minecraft with both my brothers, i just came back home from maryland after seeing my grandma in the hospital. it was a heartbreaking moment for me, i knew her when i was a baby but i remember the memories so vividly.

it's 8pm and we've been playing for a while, i hope she is okay cause i love her too much and don't wanna lose her.

mom: you guys okay
antonio: yeah, just playing
mom: pause that really quick
lucas: everything okay
mom: it's abuelita, she just passed away

the controller dropped from my hands, i felt everything closing in on me and i felt so broken. i left my brothers room and closed my door, i just wanted to be alone. i grabbed the album i have of me and her and stared at each picture letting a tear drop. my sobs were still quiet as i didn't want anyone hearing me.

it's now midnight and everyone's asleep, mattia has been blowing up my phone but i just don't feel like answering or talking to anyone. my eyes are bloodshot red and i just can't stop, i loved her more than anything.

⚠️ trigger warning ⚠️
self harm

i looked in my room and found a piece of glass, grabbing it and making one cut on my left wrist. i just wanted to be with her, i can't do this without her, she was my happiness. cutting myself for the fifth time hoping i would die but i didn't, i threw the piece glass on my dresser and continued crying on the floor.

⚠️ end of self harm ⚠️

i texted mattia back telling him i was okay, i knew if i told him what happened, i would be in much more pain than i already am in. how could she leave me like that? we made so many memories and she left me like that, i fucking miss her like fuck. something hit my window and i immediately thought that was a sign of my abuelita, i opened my window to see mattia, his eyes went from happiness to sadness, he came in my room and held me next to him.

mattia: what happened mia
mia: s-she's g-gone
mattia: aww mia

he held me close next to him as i sobbed on his chest, i felt safe in his arms but that didn't change the fact that i'm still in pain. he looked at my wrist and made me sit up.

mattia: mia, why did you do that
mia: i w-wanted to see h-her
mattia: she won't be happy knowing you did this, she wants to see you go far in life, your time isn't coming to an end right now mia. please don't do it again, i can't lose you
mia: i-i'm sorry
mattia: it's okay, get some rest
mia: can you s-stay
mattia: of course mia

he held me in his arms as i stared at the ceiling, i still can't believe she's gone but all happiness comes to an end. why couldn't it have been me? why her? she didn't do anything wrong, she had the kindest heart and she meant the world to me. i fucking miss her bro.

end of flashback

i woke up being shaken by kairi, i looked at my pillow being wet and dry tears on my face. i realized i just had a dream about my abuelita, i do miss her.

kai: you okay
mia: bad dream
kai: what was it, if you don't mind me asking
mia: abuelita
kai: aww mia, yk she's watching over you, she loves you mia, you were her favourite after all
mia: i know, i just miss her, that's all
kai: i know you do

i went to the bathroom and splashed my face with cold water, my eyes were bloodshot and puffy. i sighed and looked at myself in the mirror, i could see my moms face and my dads eyes. i miss them a lot.

i stepped out of the shower and looked at myself, my scars were still somewhat visible, i'm not embarrassed by them, i just don't like seeing them. but what can i do, i did this to myself. i changed into a white top, red sweatpants and my jordan 1s retro chicago. i smiled and went downstairs.

alessya: someone's awake
mia: so when did these three get here
julia: like 20 minutes ago
mia: oh
ale: so what's the plan
mia: what's up with mr polibio
kai: still upset over cynthia
mattia: shut up, i'm not
kai: so then what's up with you

silence.

kai: exactly
mia: ok! mall
julia: yes
mia: my car
mattia: dibs
kai: not like anyone wanted to sit next to mia
mia: fuck you kai
kai: that's julia's job
mia: so was no one gonna tell me about this
julia: we're just talking
mia: mhm

i grabbed my keys and mattia came running to the front seat, i smiled inside, he always acted like a little kid. that's one of the things i loved about him.

mattia grabbed the aux cord and started playing his playlist, i got my music taste from him, every new song he added to his playlist, i added. i miss those moments.

mattia: MIA
mia: WHAT
mattia: you almost crashed
mia: oops, at least i'd die not a virgin
alessya: cause you lost it to-
mia: SHUT UP ALESSYA
alessya: oopsie

yes, i lost it to mattia. we were both young and dumb and horny but that's okay. i missed my friends so much, of course i have alessya and julia but the boys made me smile so hard. i parked my car, making my way inside the mall.

julia: so we're all going in pairs so have fun mia and mattia
alessya: don't have too much fun
mia: fuck you

i walked to the food court immediately ordering a baconator with a strawberry lemonade, mattia was taking pictures with fans and now was my chance to pay for myself. he always paid for me making me mad so i felt happy, i sat down and waited for my order to be called.

mattia: you paid for yourself huh
mia: mhm
mattia: you always got mad when i paid for you
mia: i remember
mattia: someone's being dry
mia: bruh i- okay
?: order 304!

i grabbed my food and sat down, mattia came back moments later with his. i started eating finally feeling less hungry.

mattia: how's your mom, i miss her

feeling my heart clench, i wanted to go off on him but he didn't know, she was my best friend.

mia: she um died beginning of junior year

mattia's eyes went wide but they were quickly turned into sadness, he loved her mom a lot, they got along very well.

mattia: i'm sorry mia, what about your dad
mia: him too
mattia: fuck, i'm sorry mia

i simply nodded not wanting to talk about it anymore, i knew eventually i would end up opening up to him but not now. i'm over him, right?