Healing Myself

"You're perfect."

I was cooking tonight. Again.

But it was okay, because I loved cooking. I'd been doing it since I was four anyway. Also, I would never tell Mom to cook. Not unless I wanted to end up in a hospital. I hated hospitals.

I'd made curry tonight. Dad was going to be home late as he'd been roped in to some job at the last minute, so it would be just Mom and me. Ah! How I loved these times.

Mom had been a little out of it today, and that explained tonight's meal. She really liked curry since it had been Cara's favorite. She didn't tell me about it often but I knew she was thinking about that day. A smile automatically came on my face as I thought about the day that changed our lives, and I hated myself for it.

A lot of people had been hurt that day; many had lost their loved ones. But it had changed my life for the better. I thought back to what happened three months ago. Maybe life didn't want me to be happy. Or it was just me. Wherever I went, death came following along.

I shook my head of the dark thoughts and checked the curry one last time before deciding that it was done and took it off the stove. After plating the dinner, I carried it on a tray to where I knew Mom would be. I smiled as I stopped in front of the slightly ajar cherry wooden door. Our little library.

I knocked lightly before entering. I didn't even need to look up to know what the scene in front of me would be. Mom would be sitting in the comfiest armchair the world had to offer, with her laptop on the coffee table in front of her. A hand holding her notepad while the other flicked her pen, her black hair in a clip with her thin framed cat eye glasses perched on the bridge of her nose.

"Dinner's ready", I announced.

As expected, I was correct. Mom looked up from her laptop and her dark blue eyes met my green ones. She gave me a smile, but couldn't hide the ghosts in her eyes. Ghosts of the past.

I placed the tray lightly on the coffee table, taking a seat on the armchair opposite hers as she closed her laptop. She took off her glasses and began to eat. I followed suit. After a few bites, she looked at me. "The food is delicious as always, Sang. You know, I think you should try your hand at cooking professionally." she said before resuming eating. A memory hits me at her words.

"This is........WOW! Like seriously WOW. You should think about writing a cookbook or something." He says while stuffing a huge piece of carrot cake into his mouth, trying to lick the crumbs getting stuck on his lips.

"That's how I got my cooking skills, from cookbooks. And experience, of course." I tell him with a smile, happy with the fact that he likes all the dishes I made. I gave him an excuse that I wanted him to tell me the best one so that I would make that at our annual Thanksgiving dinner. Not that it's a lie, I was going to make the one he liked best, seeing as this year Mom had invited his family to join us. Mainly I just wanted to impress him. I knew my set of skills, and not to be cocky or anything, but I knew that whatever I would make would come out nicely.

He looks at me, seeming a little lost in thought before he speaks again. "Actually you should open a diner or something. People wouldn't stop coming for more. Yes, a diner. With lots and lots of franchises....." his voice trails off as he takes a bite of the orange glazed chicken. His eyes become glazed over-see what I did there?-as he looks to the chicken and then back at me.

"D! Are you still here?"

He looks right at me. "You're perfect."

"Thanks, Mom. I'll think about it." I say as I come back to the present. Mom already looked stressed; I didn't want her to worry about me too, though I knew she would anyway. But there were more important things to discuss.

We both knew that she knew that I wanted to know what she had been thinking about, but that she was stalling. When both of us were finished with our dinner, she finally looked at me and said, "I was thinking about Cara". Her words were cautious, as her eyes were trained on my face to watch my reaction.

I gave her a sad smile in response. "I know you miss her. It's okay."

Her hands came across the coffee table and enveloped mine. It was a moment where she needed the touch, and I was happy to give it to her. "I just don't want you to feel like you don't belong with us Sang, because you do. Your dad and I love you just as much as we loved Cara". Her voice cracked at the last part.

"I know you do, just as I love you both."

We both lounged in the library for some time, as she told me about how she had been writing about Cara the whole day today. So that's why the tip of her pen looked like a dog's chew toy. Writing came easy to Mom, and even though she loved writing about Cara, there are a lot of times she would get frustrated. She hated how her memory betrayed her every time she would write about the girl.

After that, both of us did the dishes together in silence. It was a silence filled with her relief. Relief that I knew that she loved me just as much as she would have loved her real daughter.

•••••

AN: Got you guys in the beginning, didn't I? I know some of you must be thinking about her step-mother or Marie or her dad, but don't worry! Everything will be explained later on in the story. Keep reading!

PS: Do you like to cook? I suck at it, though I can bake some mean cakes. Comment down and tell me!