We Can See STARS

Future Chapter 10: To Have, or Not to Have

It had been a week since Benn told you he wanted to have a child of his own. You had been driving back home after taking Jojo to his hockey practice when he sprang it up on you.

******

"I want one."

His words caught you off guard and you didn't know what to say or how to react. You tried to think of something to say to cut up the awkward silence between the two, but no words would come out.

"Liebling...hello?... Are you alright?" Benn asks a bit concerned at your lack of response.

You clear your throat, "Ahmm... yeah I'm alright."

"Did you hear what I said?" Benn asks a bit tentatively.

"Yes...you want one of what?" You knew exactly what he meant but you needed to hear it straight from his lips.

You reach a stoplight and Benn turns to look at you. You make sure to avoid his big brown eyes knowing that as soon as you look into them you might start to cry. He says softly,

"Ana, you know exactly what I mean."

You remain silent, the tension rising inside the car at the lack of words coming from your mouth. Thankfully the light turns green and he has to return his gaze to the street and drive on. Knowing you wouldn't say anything until he said it straight up he speaks up again,

"I want to have a child. I want to start a family."

There they were, the words you needed to hear and simultaneously the ones you were dreading to hear.

"Benn, please...I think you're just in the moment having taken little Jojo to practice and seeing him in his hockey gear and enjoying his cool uncle Benn teaching him hockey tricks. It's all fun right now but having to deal with a child 24/7 that's a totally different ball game."

"That's not true... This isn't just a whim. I've been wanting to start a family for a while now." His voice was a bit agitated.

"What?...what do you mean??" You ask in disbelief.

"Just what I said, I've been wanting to start a family for quite sometime now."

"Oh really...Since when? Why didn't you say anything?!" Your voice starts to become agitated as well.

"A couple of months now. I mean just seeing how happy and how much Rig has changed since becoming a father. The way Jojo looks up and talks about him like he's the best father in the whole world...I don't know I feel like I would love to be able to share and pass things down to our own kids. And I didn't say anything then because I know how you feel about babies and little kids in general but Ana, we aren't getting any younger and if we don't start planning now, we won't get a chance to raise one of our own."

"It's easy for you to say that you want a child, when we both know I'll be the one stuck at home taking care of it! You'll leave on your long road trips during the season and just come home and enjoy the fun things of parenting while I deal with everything else!"

"That's not fair Ana, you really think I would do that to you?"

"Honestly, Jamie, it's a legitimate concern. You love being Uncle Jamie and it suits you, but being 'Dad' really is not the same."

A part of you felt like you had crossed the line with that comment but it was a reality you both had to face. You were upset and in shock at the sudden life changing decision sprung up on you on the late drive back to your place in uptown Dallas. All you could do was snap back at Benn.