We Can See STARS

Future Chapter 8: Good Luck

"What a beautiful day, eh bud?" I bounced the deliciously chubby Jojo on my hip while looking out over our new backyard.  The sun was shining at just the right angle between the trees and onto the nearby flowers.  He babbled in agreement while pulling at my hair.  "Ouch baby!  Mama doesn't like that!" With gentle force, I untangled a lock of my hair from his tiny little fist as he continued giggling.

It was one of those rare days where I felt as though life was where it needed to be.  I was up early with my squirmy, lively toddler enjoying the slow and quiet morning while Jamie slept, having recently had a particularly intense home stand.  I sighed in happiness before setting Jojo in his high chair and getting his breakfast together.

The moment that I wiped Jojo's face and let him out of his high chair, he wobbled to our room where Jamie still was.  After cleaning up, I joined them in the bedroom to find Jamie scrolling on his phone while Jojo wandered around the bed and stuck whatever he could find in his mouth.  "Jojo!  No!"  I rushed over to where he was and grabbed the bedroom tv remote from his mouth.  Jamie did not look up from his phone.  "Good morning!" I sing-sang while kissing his stubbled cheek.

"Mmmm," he mumbled back at me without looking up.  "What's up?"  He was clearly in a mood.

"Nothing much.  How was your game last night?"

"So you didn't watch it? Figures..."

"I tried, but once Jojo was down, I fell asleep before the 2nd period even started. How did it go?"  His eyes quickly shot to me in a sideways glance before looking back at his phone.  "What?" Was I missing something?

That spiteful squint.  If looks could kill.  "Well, if you had been watching closely, or at all, you would have seen that I was benched."

"I'm sorry I didn't watch it, Jamie, but I'm really sorry you were benched." While I didn't love the way he was talking to me, I paused hoping this would relax his stern look, "did they tell you why?"

"I don't really want to get into that." He got up and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

I looked at Jojo and shrugged while he squealed and put his arms up for me to pick him up. "Papa's got his grumpy pants on today, baby bear."

We walked back out into the living room, Jamie emerging minutes later on his way out.  "Jamie, wait!  Aren't you hungry?"

"I'll get something on the way out." He replied, barely bothering to turn around and look at me.

"Wait! Wait. Can you at least tell me what's wrong?"  I ran to stand between him and the door. This was outside of his usual behavior. Often, he was content and loving, even when quiet. Being benched really must have struck a nerve.

"It doesn't matter, alright?  My choices are made."

I crinkled my brow.  "What does that even mean?"

He sighed heavily while rubbing his eyes and up to his temples.  "You know, I'm happy to be married, to have a kid, to have a house but I don't think all of this is helping my career very much."

My head shot back in surprise and I stepped back. "What does that mean? Jamie?"

"I'll be back later, alright?"

"Okay," I barely whispered.  He walked past me and soon was gone.

My mind spun. Not helping his career?  What is he talking about?  We do so much to help him.  It's not perfect but it never would be.  Does he wish he was on his own again?  Maybe he's just stressed.  Maybe he doesn't mean it.  Maybe he does?  What if he's been thinking about this for a while?  Does he want to leave?  Maybe I should leave.  Finally, I decided, I need to talk to him.  While he was gone, the day was a blur while I went on auto pilot, allowing his comment to swirl around in my head until he got back home.