We Can See STARS

Future Days Chapter 20: Sleepless Nights

You tried everything you could think of. You fed him, bathed him and changed him into a clean and warm onesie and yet he was still crying. This is why you did not want to have kids. You certainly did not have the qualities to be a mother. Patience and endurance were not your strongest suit. Desperation of trying to calm Asher down was taking over you. You wanted to cry in defeat at not knowing how to calm him. It sure didn't help that Benn, the main culprit in wanting kids, wasn't even there to help you out. He'd be arriving around midnight from his road trip up to Canada, which meant that you were left alone in trying to figure out how to calm Asher down. Luckily it was only Asher that you had to deal with at the moment. Dhani was upstairs peacefully asleep in her crib. Downstairs however, it was a completely different story.

You'd think that after 6 months you'd have a better grasp on taking care of a fussy baby, especially your son. His cheeks and eyes were red and puffy from all the crying. The tears were endless, you thought he would have run out of them by now. You had heard from others that once you became a mother the cries of your baby would make you feel empathy for the child and a love that propelled you to ease the baby's cries no matter the cost. But you felt no such feelings, you only felt irritation and frustration. You had reached your limit, not only were you frustrated and angry with yourself but also with the baby. You wished your mom was here to help you out or Benn's mom or anyone else for that matter to come and take care of Asher and take the load and responsibility off of your shoulders. Surely anyone would be a lot more nurturing and have the ability to care for a fussy baby than you.

Swaddling him up in a thin soft blanket you pick him up and hold him in your arms as you rock him back and forth slowly, bobbing up and down shushing and humming in a soft tone. Only a piercing cry is offered in return..

"C'mon Asher, please work with me here." you plead to him. Another round of cries and tears come from him.

" Please, just stop crying. I don't know what else you need or want." you continue as if he could understand you and reply back with a solution. But the only thing in return was another intense round of crying. One thing was certain from all his crying, he had a healthy set of lungs.

Maybe a quick google search could offer some new ideas or suggestions on how to calm down a fussy baby and would do the trick. You place a crying Asher down in the portable baby playpen, open up your laptop and quickly look up some websites. You find one and speedily read the bullet points of suggestions. Mentally checking off the ones you had already tried, as you're scrolling down, towards the bottom you find a couple ideas you still haven't tried tonight.

Praying to God that at least one of these works you pick Asher back up and swaddle him again with his blanket and head to the rocking chair with those large plush velvet dark grey cushions you had in the family room. After a long day either you or Benn would sit on that chair and be out within minutes. Hopefully that would also ring true with Asher. You dim the lights and turn the TV on with the volume at a low level, just enough for it to be white noise in the room as per the suggestions you had found. It was now close to midnight and the only thing interesting enough as you look through the tv guide were reruns of Cheers. The show was just about to start and you figured if you had to be awake all night, you might as well enjoy hearing a show you liked in the background. Lastly the website said to cuddle your baby close to you and to stroke the head of your baby from the front of the head all the way to the back of the neck.

You finally settle into the chair and cuddle Asher against you, he still lets out a couple of cries and his tears keep rolling down like raindrops on a window pane. You take the end of the blanket and wipe them away and then start to stroke his head gently and rock back and forth. You continue rocking slowly and start humming the catchy theme song to Cheers that inevitably got stuck in your head. After a couple strokes, the violent cries he had released earlier seemed to be quieting down. They were sobs now instead of wails. Was it actually working? Or were you just so tired you started to tune out his crying? You continue to rock back and forth. Around the end of the second episode you had watched, Asher's sobs were now soft whimpers. You look down at Asher and for the first time in a while his long lashes weren't clustered together from the tears he had cried. His big brown eyes weren't as puffy and red as before. It was working! You felt as if a huge rock had been lifted from your chest and you could finally breathe again. All the feelings of ineptitude of taking care of a tiny human being and the world rejecting you as a mother were starting to fall and hide into the very back of your brain. While you were claiming victory inside of your mind you had stopped humming the theme song and Asher was starting to get fussy again. Quickly you start singing softly

🎶" Making your way in the world today
Takes everything you've got."

He stops fussing again. Interesting. You continue on

🎶" Wouldn't you like to go away?
Sometimes you wanna go
Where everybody knows your name.."

The more you sang the bigger and brighter his eyes got. You couldn't believe that the Cheers theme song was the answer all along. You smile and look down at him and boop his little red nose and continue to rock back and forth singing the song.

🎶"And they're always glad you came
You wanna be where you can see
Our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows your name.."

He begins to coo and smile at you. That lone smile was enough to melt your heart and love him even more. The past couple of hours of frustration melt away.

For the next few minutes with the rocking of the chair you allow yourself to rest and close your eyes. While rocking back and forth you continue to sing the song over and over humming it every other time. After a minute or two unbeknownst to you, Asher had finally fallen asleep. With eyes still closed half asleep and half awake you continue to sing

🎶

"Where everybody knows your..."

"Liebling...what are you doing?" Benn whispers to you as he places his hand and softly caresses the top of your head. You open one of your eyes and see a tired looking Benn with a half smile on his lips, eyes filled with affection at the sweet scene in front of him.

"Hey Gummibarchen," you softly whisper as he leans and kisses you on the forehead and squats next to the chair to place a kiss on Asher's forehead as well. He gently caresses Asher's big cheeks with his finger. "He was fussy all evening long," you fill him in, "nothing was working until I sat down and started watching Cheers and singing the song to him." He chuckles.

"He's definitely your son." He smiles at you. " I'm sorry I couldn't be here to help you out. I know you must be tired."

"Exhausted." you smile at him with tired eyes.

"I don't say this enough Ana. But you truly are an amazing mother to our little peanuts." you want to lift your hand and caress his cheek but are too tired and offer him another smile instead.

"C'mon let's go to sleep." He helps you stand up from the rocking chair and leads you to the nursery so you could finally lay Asher in his crib. Carefully you transition Asher from your arms into his crib. Luckily he doesn't wake up and peacefully continues to sleep.

The next morning you wake up to a note next to your pillow.

Sleep in today. I'll take care of the little peanuts this morning. -Love Chubbs.

You smile at the sweet note and nuzzle your face back into your pillow, following exact orders of sleeping in.