Stay with me || Shawn Mendes

24. He is wonderful

I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.-C.S. Lewis

~~~

Early Wakeups. Boring Lessons. Homework. Study. Eat. Study. Eat. Sleep. Repeat.

A perfect description of my past two weeks.

I look at the clock on the nightstand just beside my bed.
6:30 a.m.

Too early for this. Way too early. Why can't we just go to classes at nine or ten in the morning? Everyone wouldn't be so grumpy and complain about unreasonable things.

I drag myself out of bed and start my simple and usual morning routine. After about thirty minutes I was done, heading out the door to my classes.

Later in that day I meet Sammy. He seems in a really good mood. "You never really told me what was your major. What are you looking to be in the future?" He asks searching the library's shelf for a book that he needed in English. I smile and search for the book that I need for my English as well.

"Photography." I say. "I want to be a photographer. As crazy as it might sound, I've never really worked on taking pictures but there is something that attracts me to them. I know it's shocking 'cause how can you know what you are good at if you've never tried something before." I laugh it off nervously.

"No, I know what you mean. And I think that you'll be the best photographer." He smiles showing off his perfect teeth. "Well, damn. You and Shawn have some serious dream jobs or whatever you wanna call them." Sammy scratches the back of his neck.

"Shawn?" My voice cracks. I haven't seen or heard from him since that first day he left. It hurt just hearing his name. I didn't know what I'm the world is going on with him, but I am trying to follow Emily's advice; give us some time and space.

"Yeah, you wanna be a photographer. And I remember he said something about wanting to be a designer. But man he is good." I furrow my eyebrows.

"Really? What kind of a designer?"

"Fashion. I think that's what he said." Sammy finishes and we grabs our books to scan them off.

Fashion designer? Well, I can imagine him being that.

We walk out of the library and have to pass a long hallway till we get into the student center so then we can go to cafeteria where everyone else is.

"Did you hear that?" Sammy asks and I look at him shaking my head. He raises a finger in the air that mentioned for me to pay attention. We stop in front of a drama closet which door is closed. I try focusing so I can hear something, and there it is. I hear a girl moaning. I am so disgusted at that moment.

"Looks like someone is having fun." Sammy chuckles and walks closer to the door. "Now, let's give them a little surprise." And his hand lands on the knob ready to open the door.

"Samuel! No, stop!-" Well, to late. The door swings open just to reveal Jack Gilinsky fully making out with this girl.

"What the hell man?" Sam looks at them and the girl quickly tries to cover herself up. "Really? In a closet? You can get caught bro." He is right. Good thing right now that everyone is at lunch and the hallway is empty.

"Fuck getting caught man. When you gotta do it, you gotta do it." Jack shrugs and then waves at me. I just stand there processing what is happening.

"Get your shit together Jack." And with that he slams the door in their face. He starts walking and I quickly follow behind.

"And since when is Jack a manwhore?" I ask.

"Long story short." Sammy says. "Jack fell in love with a girl this past summer. Shit happened, only they two know about it, but she broke his heart. Really bad."

"Wow." I say surprised.

"I know! He is Jack fucking Gilinsky!" He exclaims. "Anyways, after that he chanced. I don't know what that girl did to him, but he is not himself anymore. So basically now, he is trying to forget her."

"By sleeping with every girl that catch his eyes?"

"Exactly. He is so stupid." He says as we enter cafeteria.

"He must have loved her very much." I mumble under my breath but the cafeteria's noises have covered up my voice. I get into the lunch line and waited in line while thinking about Jack. He is hurt, that is clear. Logically he is trying to do anything to forget her, but its just wrong coming from him. That girl must have been special to him, because he is not the type of person to fall in love with anybody.

After I got my food I walk over to our table where everyone is already seated down and eating.

I sat across the table facing Cameron. I take a seat greeting everyone. Sammy then comes and takes a seat next to me.

After a few minutes there comes Jack holding hands with a girl.

"You're fucking kidding me." Sam says and I would of probably say the same thing. Jack is holding hands not with the girl we saw him making out with earlier but with another one. They take a seat on the other side of the table and I am trying so hard not to roll my eyes at the girl that sat on his lap.

I then finally ignore them, and return to the love of my life.
Food.

Everyone is so chatty, except me and Sam. Something is missing, either it's something from my food, or something from the table, or even from my life. I can feel that something is missing, and I feel that way everyday.

"Yo Cameron. Is Shawn still alive?" Taylor asks. My heart skips a beat as I hear his name.

There was it! That's what it has been missing from my life, for weeks already.

"Yeah man. He's just been studying a lot lately so he can't really come and eat with us." Cameron says. Since he is his roomate I guess he looks after Shawn.

"For real? I mean he hasn't eaten with us since the classes first started." Taylor continues and I am just silently eating.

"Yeah, he said he is sorry." Cam replies.

"How is he?" I ask after a few seconds, finally having he guts to do so.

"He is wonderful." I swallow hard faking a smile. I guess he is much better without me. "How about you Rose?"

"I'm great." I stand up from the table leaving everyone behind.

He is wonderful. Those three words ring in my head again. I walk out of the cafeteria although lunch time isn't over yet and start walking down the halfway to my dorm.

I can picture him standing in his dorm laughing and being all happy, while I am in my dorm cuddled up alone with memories as the only thing that I can hold onto.

He is wonderful.

I open my dorm's room and lock it behind me.

I long for his presence next to me. For his touch against my skin. For his scent that reminds me of the ocean. His arms wrap around me. His lips on mine.

I lay down on my bed and fall asleep with the thought of him beside me.