Stay with me || Shawn Mendes

30. Home

In my heart is a memory, and there you'll always be.-unknown

~~~

*||December 21||*

Christmas break is knocking on our bedroom doors, telling us that it's about time to go home and visit the loved ones.

Shawn is really excited about seeing his family and I am also excited about getting to see my little sister.
I've talked to her a couple of times on the phone but that's not enough. It's been almost half a year without me being there by her side. I get worried about it sometimes, since it's my job to protect her, but how can I do so when I'm not there with her ?
She's growing so quickly, its just amazing.

"I can't believe it." Shawn says helping me carry one of my bags to his car. "We're halfway done with the school year. That fast!"

I nod smiling up at him. "Time flies by."

We got our bags and everything ready in the car. Not a lot of stuff, but definitely something to live off for the next two weeks that we'll spend away from the campus. We would have to leave in about an hour so we have make sure to get ready earlier and say goodbye to everyone.

Shawn closes the back door of his car and leans against it as I am standing in front of him hugging my coat. He smiles at me and stretches his hands to me so he can put them around my waist and pull me close to him. I stand between his legs and play with the hammer of the sweater that he has underneath his coat.

His peaceful scent fills my lungs and I look at him. His hair is in long messy waves a little bit dropping against his forehead. I've heard way too many complaims about it and how he needs a hair cut as soom as possible.

Looking at each other he tucks a little piece of hair behind my ear. "You know what I would love to do with you right now?"
I blush shaking my head and a cold wind blows hard making me shiver.
While he is still holding unto me, he leans down and tucks his head into my shoulder.

"I would cuddle with you so hard right now." He hums into my shoulder and I smile.

I like to think of Shawn as the moonlight in my darkest nights, and a shoulder to lean on in my toughest times.
Shawn stands up straight and I place my hands around his neck.

Tracing his jawline in a slow motion I say, "Me too. But we have to go say goodbye to the others and then head home."

Shawn sighs in disappointment and takes me by my waist dragging me back to the building.

•••

One of the hardest things to do in life is say goodbye to the ones that you care for, the ones that you spend so much time with and think that a day without them is a day without purpose.
My head is leaning against the car window while my mind wonders back to the past few minutes I said goodbye to my friends. Of course, it's not like I'm never going to see them again, but who knows? Sometimes we as people take most moments of our lives for granted.
We head out with our lives without even thinking that maybe tomorrow we might never see that person that you've just talked to again. Maybe this second that you get to hold them will be your last.
Now you're probably thinking, Rose stop with all this negativity. But I don't exactly like to call it negativity, I like to call it reality. We live in world where everyone tells you that life is full of rainbows and happiness and we get so caught up into that, that we forget to appreciate every moment of it.

A tear drops down my cheek as I think of my mom.

"You are strong Rose, more than you can imagine." She gently brushed her hand over my cheek wiping all the tears away.

"No I'm not mom," I took her hand on hand, careful not to rip the wires connected into her skin. "Look at me, how am I going to be able to do this without you? You c-can't just leave me." I cried. I looked at the machine beside her tracking her heart rate which made my tears run down my face even faster. "I'm so little and so helpless. I can't go on without you."

"Of course you can." Her voice seemed so convincing that if she were to tell you that you can fly , you would believe her. "I'm always going to be with you," She took my hand and placed it on my chest. "In there."

I bring my hands close to my chest and a little sob escapes my lips as the flashback of my mom ends.

I feel Shawn's hand being placed on my thigh and gently squeezing it. Through my eyes full of tears I look up at him and he quickly glances at me giving me a small smile before paying attention back to the road.

"I'm right here." He says and I place my hand on top of his. I then slowly close my eyes and drift into a deep sleep.

•••

"Rose, Bebe. Come on. We're here." A strong hand shakes the living out of me.

I groan. I feel so irritated when people interrupt my sleep. "Are you kidding me? I just closed my eyes a few minutes ago."

"It's been an hour and a half."

My eyes open wide. "We are here!?" Shawn nods. A few seconds later my eyes adjust to the light and I realize that our car is parked right in front of Shawn's house. The house is full of Christmas ornaments and lights that look adorable. I quickly unbuckle and jump out of the car. Without any regrets I run for the door and the next thing I know is that it opens right before I get the chance to knock on it.

"Emma." I whisper looking down at her.
Without any other words her small body bumps into mine giving me a tight hug and causing me to loose balance. I hug back without any hesitation.

"I missed you so, so much!" I hug her even tighter.

"Me too." She says. "I can't even explain how much." I laugh letting go of her and looking how she's grown so much.

We all got inside the house and soon enough met everyone.
Four hours later here we are eating dinner and enjoying our time by sharing stories.

"Where are you going?" Shawn asks as I head for the back door.

"To get some air." I answer back. He nods and then takes of his sweater leaving him only in a t-shirt

He hands it to me. "Take this, it's freezing outside." I smile and put it on. The smell of him suddenly fills up my lungs and his warmth spreads against my skin. I then open the back door and step outside on the porch. Although it's almost Christmas there is no snow outside. The typical New York weather.

I inhale and exhale as I see my own breath evaporate into the atmosphere. Out of nowhere I hear the back door open and close. I turn around and see my sister with a jacket on. She comes next to me and we talk for a little bit.

"I've achieved so much once I started school." Emma tells me and I smile.

"Mom would be proud of you." I run my hand up and down her back and we stay quiet.

She looks at me and I tuck a piece of her blond hair behind her ear. "I miss him." Her voice speaks up. I furrow my eyebrows.
She is talking about our dad. Although I explained to her what happened in our family she still likes to talk about him.
As I look into her beautiful blue eyes a snow flake falls on her nose. Then another, and another one, until I look around and see the whole sky full of them.
My sister and I had this tradition where every year when it snowed for the first time, we would make a wish.

"Make a wish." I say.

"I wish that we would get to see our dad again."