Stay with me || Shawn Mendes

26. Don't

I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet.-Ed Sheeran

~~~

"I can't believe I was dumb enough to miss you this whole time." I slam the door at the moment that Shawn's head snaps back at me and run to the end of the hallway as quickly as possible.

"Rose!" His voice rings in my ears as I am running down the stairs. "Rose! Wait."

"Get away from me." My voice is shaking. I quickly open the door that leads to the secret hallway and enter it.

Jack who is surprisingly still there stands up from the table that he is sitting on, "Rose?".

My mind isn't processing things normally. It's like my brain and my body aren't working together like they are supposed to.

So I do the unthinkable.

Involuntarily I run up to Jack and press my lips on his. They taste like tears and that made me kiss him even harder. At first he freezes in place but after a moment he responds by placing his hands on my waist and pulling me closer to him as our lips move together.

I don't feel anything. No butterflies. No explosions in my stomach. No happiness. Nothing but the hurt at the bottom of my stomach. Myself I can't even explain why I am kissing him. Maybe to just put my mind off somewhere else and try to forget what just happened a few seconds ago. No matter how long or how hard I am kissing Jack, nothing changes.
My heart is in pieces. Jack isn't on my mind; Shawn is. Jack isn't the one I wish I would kiss; Shawn is.

Thinking of him made me wrap my arms around Jack's neck and kiss him even harder as if it would help me get through everything. I am hoping that maybe this kiss would make me avoid this unpleasant feeling and maybe put my heart back together. But it doesn't.

After a few seconds I let go of him. Jack looks into my eyes and smiles. I smile too, but his eyes travel somewhere behind me. I turn around just to see Shawn standing there looking at us.

"With my best friend..." Shawn says. I can hear the hurt in his voice.

I shake my head. "What about you? I haven't seen you for a month! A month Shawn! And that's how I get to see you? Kissing a girl?"

"You know what guys. I'm gonna leave you two alone." Jack raises his hands in the air and starts walking away.

Shawn sniffs. "You better." I want to slap him at this moment.

"Shawn, what is wrong with you?" Now only the two of us are left.

"What is wrong with me? I'd say what's wrong with you?" He throws his hands in the air, and furrows his eyebrows. "Going on and kissing my best friend?"

"Please don't make this all about me." I swallow hard and lift my head up trying to look strong. But I am breaking from the inside, I am torn apart.

"Gilinsky. Jack Gilinsky." He mumbles in disbelief. "You knew I was here. You did it on purpose to get back at me." Shawn continues and I just want to break down in tears.

My heart feels heavy. If there is something that feels more worse than this then I don't know what is. I look up at the ceiling avoiding his eyes.

"Okay." I say quietly that I thought he didn't hear me. He did.

I turn around, as a tear escapes my eyes down to my cheek. I quickly wipe it away, hiding it.

After all, it's still my fault. Always getting blame for things that aren't my fault. I'm tired. Working so hard for something that I'll never reach. I'm exhausted.

I can feel Shawn's eyes burning holes in my back since I am only a few feet away from him. "Rose," He says as I start slowly walking away from him. "You can't just leave like that..."

I turn around and shake my head in disappointment. "And you think you can?" My vision is blurry due to the river of tears blocking my view. "You think it's okay, for you to just disappear out of people's life all of a sudden? To just leave me hanging, and never care enough to even come and say a simple hi." No matter how many times I wipe my tears away from my eyes, they are still coming out, more and more. "God. I am so stupid." A few subs escape my mouth and I put my hand over it. "I was missing you every day. Waiting. And h-hoping that you will show up. Sometimes I would even start thinking of what I did wrong. Of why did you leave off like that. I'd start blaming myself for everything. And you don't even care." Shawn doesn't say a word. I look at him trying to take breaths between my cries.

This is it. This is the way I see him after a month.

His hair all straight slightly messy at the top, black v-neck t-shirt that pronounced his muscular arms, and sweat pants showing off some laziness to top it all with.

"Rose." He takes one step towards and I backwards.

"And although you never said anything. Although you never came back. I still cared for you and I was still willing to come and see you." I look into his eyes. "Only to find you doing something that I never thought you would do. At least not now."

Shawn doesn't hesitate to gently put his hand on my arm, but I flinch and he takes it off.

"Don't." I look away.

"Rose."

"Shawn." I copy him. "Just stay away from me, okay?" I turn around to walk back to my dorm.

I can hear Shawn making some movement behind me. "But--"

"Shawn we're not even together! Stop." I say sobbing. "G-go! To back to that girl! She's waiting for you!" And then as he is standing there he turns around and starts walking away, and then stops again. "Go." I whisper for the last time. He does.

He leaves. Hopeless and broken hearted I returned to my dorm.

The words "we're not even together!", rang in my ears once more and I whisper to myself. "But I wish we were."

I turn around a few times, hoping that maybe he is looking back, and maybe he is coming back for me. He doesn't.

I eventually get to the other end of the hall and arrive at the girl's dorm. With tears in my eyes I turn for the last time around just before entering my dorm. Shawn is nowhere to be found.