All I Wanted (S.W)

Chapter 14

Today was Thursday and I haven't spoken to Sam since last week when he yelled at me. I wanted everything to be okay and I wanted to explain to him. It was just hard. Matt found something online that is healing my cuts. They'll be gone within a week.

I wore a cream colored sweater and black three quarter leggings. I wore my white vans and a necklace that Matt gave me. It was a ring that had the day we met engraved on it. It was honestly really beautiful.

I hear Matt honk his horn from outside. Quickly I run downstairs and to his car.
"Good morning." He says smiling at how out of breath I am.
"Morning." I say smiling back. Matt starts driving toward school when some girls that know us pull up beside us. My window was down and they look over.
"Hey look it's Nicole. Having fun with your drugs?" They ask me. I roll my eyes.
"Hey you guys need to stop." Matt says to them through the window.
"Hey Matt. What's up babe?" She asks blowing him a kiss.
"Stop picking on Nicole. It's not cool anymore." Matt says to them. They give him a disgusted look and drive off.
"Thanks Matt." I say quietly.
"Anything for you." He says and we pull up to school.

Chemistry wasn't fun because Sam wasn't there. Matt was but we didn't get to talk. I had french next, with Matt and Taylor. I had a plan on a way to get Sam to talk to me. And it involved Taylor.

"Hey Taylor." I hear Cali say when I walk and sit behind him. He waves slightly at her and continues to look forward.
"Hey come over to my house at five. I wanna show you something." I whisper in his ear. I see him smile a little and he sits up. Matt looks at me and I text him.
Me: I'm telling him
Matt: no you can't. He'll tell the others
Me: that's why they're all coming over too
Matt: am I coming over? I kinda wanna me there if something bad happens
Me: yes you will be
I put my phone away when class starts.

During English I was able to tell Aaron and Shawn to come over. While in media I told both Jacks. Jack J and I talked for a bit but Jack G was just giving me a glare the whole time. Eventually both Jacks start having an argument and I think it's over if they should come or not. I can tell Jack G doesn't like me one bit. He acts like he hates me more because Sam and I started hanging out.

In math I told Carter. And finally in History I told Nash and Cameron. Everyone was coming. Except for Sam. I text him.
Me: Hey can you come over after school? I have something to tell you. The other guys are coming too.
I send him the text and continue on with my music class.

At the end of the day Matt meets me at my locker.
"Hey." He says coming up to me.
"Hey. I told all of them. They're coming hopefully." I kept thinking and finally realize who I forgot. "I forgot Hayes." I say to him. Quickly I pull out my phone and text him. "Okay we're good." I say and look at Matt.
"What's wrong?" I ask him.
"I don't want you telling them. They'll be rude to you."
"Matt I know you care about me but I need to tell them. It's a way to get Sam back." I say to him quietly.
"This is to get Sam back?" He asks me. I nod slowly. "Okay. But if this doesn't work I have something else in mind." I nod and we go out to Matt's car.

We get to my house around 4:45. I had 15 minutes to mentally prepare myself for what I was about to do.
"Will you help me out if I get scared?" I ask Matt. He nods as we're walking up to my bedroom.

"Taylor said he will be here in a few minutes. No doubt the other boys will be here close after him." Matt say to me. I nod. I put on a pair of yoga shorts, a black tank top and a long white cardigan. It went to the middle of my thighs. I wear my black vans along with it. Matt and I went outback and set up everything and had a plan on how everything would go down. Then the doorbell rang.
"I've got it." Matt says walking towards the door. I was standing outback biting my nails. I tend to do that then I'm nervous. Or bored. But I'm not bored. All the boys walk in and to the backyard.
"Pick a seat." I say to them and I continue to be nervous. They all get comfy and I see one person didn't show up. Sam. I sigh and look at Matt. He shakes his head. "Thank you for all coming. I know it seems weird that I'm doing this but I have to." I start off.
"Nicole what's going on?" Hayes asks. He's always concerned.
"I'm getting to that. Now I know a ton about you guys from the times we've talked. Or texted." I say looking at Hayes and Shawn. "But you guys don't know that much about me. The only person who knows everything about me is...well Matt." I say and he walks over and sits down. "First...let me tell you my story. I was bullied by all of you, every single one of you. It was freshman year when that happened. I was picked on by you guys. Sophomores, juniors, and seniors. I felt like everyone hated me. Then I broke when it got to the point where when anyone would talk to me it would be an insult, a threat, or someone calling me a name. I had people tell me I was useless, ugly, trash and much more. I had people tell me if they ever saw me again they would beat me, if I spoke to them they'd call the cops for harassment, that they would kill me. Then people told me to never show my face again, to hide and save everyone from my presence. Then one person had the courage to tell me to kill myself. It was Sam. And I took that one pretty hard. Then I did. I tried to kill myself. If it weren't for Lauren Smith and Matt I wouldn't be here. That was freshman year." I see that Hayes looks like he's about to cry. The rest look surprised, concerned, guilty, and apologetic. Matt was surprised at one thing I said. When Sam told me to kill myself. I decide to continue. "This year I've had the same things happen. The rumor you've heard about me going around that I did drugs was because of my act I did freshman year. The volleyball girls asked me if it was a drug problem or if I tried to kill myself. I told them it was a drug problem. Why? Because I didn't want people to think I'm crazy for trying to get away from everything that was awful. Which was everything. I went home crying everyday. And that has happened this year." I was trying to fight back tears because I had to show how strong I could be. "I've cried everyday because of what people have told me. And it led to suicidal thoughts again. I would have been able to take enough pills to kill myself because I was going to take 16-"
"Wait you were going to take 16 pills? Why!" Hayes asks.
"One for every year that I regret being here. Matt got to my house before I could take any, but he didn't get to me to stop me from doing this." I take off my cardigan and Matt turns on the lights that show my cuts. "I cut myself multiple times. It was so bad that my arms were covered in my own blood. When Matt came it looked like I killed someone. It was terrible. Now you guys know my story. You know who I am. Now you know what a monster I am." I say quietly.
"Nicole you're no monster. You're a fighter. And there is no reason to do this. We're here for you. Come talk to us." Taylor says coming up to me hug me. The other boys do the same till its Hayes left.
"32." He says simply.
"32?" I ask him.
"There are 32 cuts. Don't ever go over zero again." He says and runs his hands down my arms slowly. He then gulps me up in a hug. "Please don't hurt yourself again. I wouldn't want to loose you." He whispers. Hayes was only 14 about to turn 15 but he was still so tall. He has to bend down to hug me because I was 5' 5" and he was 5' 9".
"I knew you tried to kill yourself, but I didn't know you tried it twice." I hear from behind me. When I turn around I see Sam.
"Yea I did." I say quietly putting my cardigan back on because I was cold.
"I'm sorry." He says and quickly hugs me. I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him. His arms were around my back and he was holding me close. "Im so sorry." He whispers into my shoulder.
"It's okay. I miss you." I say to him.
"I miss you too." He says and pulls away. There were small tears on my cheeks. He brushed them away then he quickly leans in and kisses me. His soft lips were on mine once again. I just wanted Sam back. I wasn't expecting him to kiss me. "I'm sorry for yelling at you and letting you go. I wanted you so bad and I didn't know how to but I need you Nicole. Please this may seem so stupid but..." He gets down on one knee and he keeps holding my hand.
"Sam what the hell are you doing?" I ask him. All the other boys are looking.
"This is not how I wanted to ask you at all but it pains me that you're not mine. Nicole, will you do the honor and be my girlfriend?" He asks me. I feel relief.
"Yes I will." I say and he stands up and kisses me quickly.
"Great way to go." Matt says and walks inside angry.
"I'll go talk to him." I say and follow him. "Matt!" I call. He walks straight out the front door. "Matt!" I say louder getting a little angry. He still doesn't stop walking. "Matt! Stop!" I shout insanely angry at this point. He turns to me. "What?" He shouts back.
"Why did you walk out?" I ask him.
"You know why!" He shouts at me.
"No I don't."
"Oh fine, I told you that you would get hurt. You did all this just to get a guy back! Did it for one second cross your mind that he did that just because he feels bad for you?" He says to me.
"I don't think like that. You should be happy for me. I got the guy I liked, shouldn't you be happy for me?"
"I'm not because he doesn't deserve you! You deserve someone who will treat you right. Someone who understands you." He says from his position about to get in his car. I run around to him and I'm standing a few feet back almost in the middle of the road.
"Who someone like you?" I ask him. She shakes his head.
"I'm not good enough for you. Someone like Hayes. Someone who can make you feel like a princess without trying." He says and gets in his car. I back up and he about pulls off until I hear my name being called and I'm shoved to the ground.

When I get up I had scrapes on my legs. I look around and see Matt on the ground not moving.
"Matt?" He doesn't answer. "Matt!" I shout and run over to him stumbling to get up. He wasn't moving. "Matt get up. Please." I say and shake him. He wasn't moving and he was limp. I see a car speeding away from us. He pushed me out of the way and got hit by a car. I straddle him and try to wake him up. It wasn't working. "Matt! Wake up! Please!" I scream while shaking him. At this point I was crying. "Sam! Sam help!" I shout. Nobody comes. "Hayes! Taylor! Someone!" I shout and nobody comes out. I keep shaking Matt hoping that it will wake him up but it doesn't. "Help! Someone! Anyone!" I scream. Matt was hurt and I couldn't leave him. Finally I see someone look out. It's was Jack G.
"Guys! It's Matt!" He shouts and runs outside. The other boys soon follow. "What happened?" He asks removing me from him and picking up Matt.
"H-he pushed me out of the w-way. H-he got hit by a-a car." I say while crying. Sam quickly comes over to me and picks me up.
"We're taking him to a hospital now." Jack says putting Matt in Nash's car.
"I'll get in the back. I'll help him." I say quickly running to Nash's car. I get in the back and gently put Matt's head in my lap. Nash gets in the driver's seat and Hayes sits in passenger. We all get in our cars and drive to the hospital.