I Trusted Her

It's about time

Kara's POV

In the ten hours I've been in bed, I must have woken up six times. Not for that long each time, but enough to break my sleep into un-refreshing chunks. With every thought, there is a new nightmare.

My mind couldn't shut off.

I kept  tossing and turning

Till morning

~~~~

Dread owns me, pushing against me like an invisible gale, attempting to reverse my steps back to my bed. Dread has my stomach locked up tight, nothing getting in or out. Dread sets my face like rigour mortis, my teeth locked tight together. But unless it can turn back time, drag the sun from the sky and inject amnesia into the mind of Lena to forget we ever had a fight, my time has come.

Today is the day

The day Lena and I talk, whether she or I like it or not, we are going to have a proper and mature conversation.

I mean I can't go on like this any longer,

I can't keep bottling up my feelings just because I'm afraid to see her, afraid that she will never forgive me

Afraid that she will always see me as a person who charmed her way to her heart and broke it in two

I can't allow that

I won't

I've ditched work long enough, I've been everywhere as the girl of steel saving people's lives without any regard of my own. It's like I'm sorting everyone else's s*** but my own.

I can't go one like this

It has to stop.

I need to clear the air, diffuse the situation with her,

Because we need to be on the same page, it's not like I can just shut off and act like I don't know her when she has become a bigger part of my life, whether I like to admit it or not.

Even if we can't go back to how things were or be more than what we were, we can at least move past this inhabitable tension between us.

The so-called hate towards the other needs to come to an end

As much as I don't like what she did and what I did,

I have to face it

We have to face it

We hurt each other

I hurt her

And she hurt me

It's time to talk

~~~~

The anxiety is like being hooked up to a cattle fence - not enough voltage to kill but sufficient to keep things uncomfortable. I guess that's the downside of knowing things are awry instead of living in blissful ignorance. But what is there to do other than breath, walk and figure things out just a little at a time?

It's not like I can go back now

Or could I?

No! I can't and shouldn't  go back

This has to happen today

Now

Hovering outside her balcony

Debating whether I should go in

Or run away and never come back

But I can never get far away from Lena Luthor

Even if I wanted to

I would never

Never

Anyway

Here goes nothing

As soon as I open the door to her office through the balcony, my heartbeat increases

I can hear it beat like a west African drum

When she realises that someone was at her presence, she stands rooted to the ground to face me with fiery eyes shooting daggers and I can almost feel my heart moving aching to uproot itself

"Lena?"

"Ms Luthor will do just fine."

"Oh!!!"

"What do you want? Supergirl or should I call you Kara? Which do you prefer?"

"Can we talk?"