I Trusted Her

Lost without 'HER'

Standing on the platform
Watching you go
It's like no other pain
I've ever known

The panic started like a tightening of the chest, as if the muscles were trying not to let another breath in, but instead to die. Then the breath came, shallow, lungs unable to move much against the suddenly heavy ribs. Then her mind became static, thoughts making no sense, replays of horrors once never forgotten. Before she knew it, she was sitting on the floor, limbs unwilling to work at all...

She had been working her mind to the fullest, yet she couldn't bring herself not to think about what she was actually doing. Every turn she took, she saw her face. Kara's face.

To love someone so much
To have no control

Every minute that passed seemed like an eternity without Kara. She had just lost her without a warning, without a trace, just gone, in a blink of an eye.

She hadn't even told her that she figured out what the code was. The more she tried to keep her mind off of her, the more her face appeared, all the memories she had of Kara, just sprinted to her head.

How dare her mind play tricks with her, how dare?

"Take some rest Lena" Brainy had said to her that morning, they had been working to find out what happened to the Danvers, "you haven't slept since-" he didn't finish what he was about to say since the Luthor cut him off completely

"NO!" she had barked, "just-, no" she added, supporting herself against the wall

"Lena," Brainy called after a few minutes of silence between them, "Lena, you're human, and at some point, you'll need to recharge. You need rest, you can't go on any longer than you have, I know you may think it does not help, but I assure you it does help" he advised

While Lena Luthor just slid down to the floor, her head spinning, her heart torn out of her chest like rubble amongst ashes.

"Also, it might help to talk about it, as I've been told" Brainy added, also sitting down beside her

But I think I'm lost without you
I just feel crushed without you
I've been strong for so long
That I never thought how much I needed you
I think I'm lost without you

The Luthor was quiet for a bit, she seemed to contemplate the offer. She hadn't talked about that day since it happened, she hadn't said Kara's name out loud, not to anyone. She had been at the DEO, but only to work with Brainy like they were now, she hadn't mentioned anything about.

Hearing her name alone was enough to break her all over again, so really, no, she didn't want to talk about it. But it could help to talk about it. Brainy might understand, he could relate, maybe.

Strangers rushing past
Just trying to get home
But you were the only
Safe haven that I've known

For a minute or two, she just sat there, feeling all alone, yet not alone. Fear and loss hollowed every bone in her body, feeling like she was living in a different world without her.

Like she was the only one feeling her absence and she was the only one hurting. But she wasn't the only one. Nia had been fighting crime without taking time off, she was everywhere, her work as a reporter was turning into something else, she wasn't the sweet and strong Nia everyone had come to see. Alex and J'onn were trying to find the Earth Liberation Front organisation and Lillian, revenge purpose of course. They couldn't bring themselves to talk about her, Alex just wanted to punch something, someone, even the Martian manhunter himself, was in denial, you'd expect him to be the one strong and being the father, they all needed but no, he was the champion of denial himself.

Hits me at full speed
Feel like I can't breathe
And nobody knows
This pain inside me
My world is crumbling
I should never have
Let you go

Ruby on the other hand missed her aunt, she loved her, and Kara loved her, they were close, yet no one had talked to her about it or explained anything.

Sam was trying to hold on for both Ruby and Alex, but she also missed Kara, they had grown so close over the past few years.

The city was missed Supergirl, the occasional flybys, the heroic actions, her smile, her compassion, her bravery, courage, her hopefulness. Everything about her, they missed it all.

So, really the Luthor wasn't the only one. But it felt like it.

I think I'm lost without you
I think I'm lost, lost, lost
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

"I feel empty like I can't do anything, paralysed," Lena said to Brainy, the continued, "I can't find her, I don't know what happened to her, we should have found her by now, I just- I feel like I'm losing my mind"

"I know" Brainy only said, "that's why I turned on my inhibitors, feeling things is not my strongest suit, and in order to find her, I need a clear head" he finished

"My little boxes can't hold what I'm feeling at the moment, I feel like I'm going to explode any minute now" the Luthor confessed

"How about you take the day off, clear your head, have a cup of tea, sleep over the night, I'll be working on everything here, then tomorrow come back, we'll start with fresh eyes" Brainy suggested

"Yeah, sounds like a smart plan" Lena replied, as she stood up, "thanks for listening" she mentioned as she took her to leave

'A nap couldn't hurt, could it?' The Luthor thought

I think I'm lost without you, you
I just feel crushed without you
'Cause I've been strong for so long
That I never thought how much I love you

Loss comes and we feel the bonds of our love reach out into the ether, feeling them there yet wishing for their presence, to hold and nurture once more. Lena Luthor just wished she could have her back, and she swore to herself that she'd use the second chance if given, very worth it.

I fell by the wayside, like everyone else

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you

But I was just kidding myself

Our every moment, I start to replace

'Cause now that they're gone

All I hear are the words that I needed to say