"You know, for someone who claims to stand for hope, justice and everything good, you clearly have the wrong definition on what they mean, because you sure as hell did a number on me"
Will they ever come back from it?
Read to find out
Breaking someone's trust is like crumpling up a perfect piece of paper. You can smooth it over but it's never going to be the same again.
She is never going to be the same again,
NEVER,
Because of me,
I know I should have told her sooner but...
It's complicated.
I can't explain it,
Actually, I think I can, this whole time I've been repressing myself, holding back, but not anymore.
I think I should take Alex's advice, "Kara, you know, I've known you for a long time and I don't know why you are scared to submit to what you are feeling. You haven't been the Kara I know since the fall-out with Lena, I know it's been hard and scary but you need to take care of yourself before you lose yourself. Speaking from experience, it's not going to end well. Stop lying to yourself" That's what she told me and it hit close to home
I need to stop lying to myself
I have to confront my fears before they eat me alive.
I know that being afraid is part of of our daily lives but,
The fear I feel,
The fear of losing her forever
Crumbles me.
She is Lena
My Lena
And she can't be gone
Not her.
I remember the first time I saw her, that was the first time I couldn't form a complete sentence without stammering, I looked like a fool.
And from that moment,
A part of my brain gets excited to see her, and then it quickly jumps into reality. Then depression follows for daring to think she would even be interested because I realise that she would never love someone like me.
She made me weak at that very instant,
That very moment, I knew she would be the death of me.
Since then, I knew she was my happy ending, but I messed up, I destroyed what we had together. I promised her
"I will always be your friend. And I will always protect you. I promise"
I broke that promise
I lied, cheated, I was two-faced with her, duplicitous, deceptive, deceitful. Everything I stand against,
But I did them all.
What kind of person does that?
I need to talk to her, even though she doesn't want to talk to me, it's as if she wants me to forget about her.
I haven't been able to reach her,
I tried,
But I couldn't, she has done everything in her power to block me out, to keep me from reaching her.
I do understand why she is closing off, but I want my Lena back
I want her back.
I want the Lena with the prettiest smile, the one that extends to her eyes and deep into her soul,
The smartest Luthor of them all
The one I see in a crowd of people and,
My belly flips, like how it feels to ride a rollercoaster when it takes a sudden dip. The pit of my belly sort of somersaults. And I also feel a little lightheaded, and I can feel the heat on my cheeks, neck and ears. My breath also hitches. I know it's a cliché too, but I just forget to breathe when I'm in that situation, looking at her or just sneaking peeks at her.
I want our lunches back,
I want to see her in-game nights,
I want to hear her laugh,
Her laugh is the summer rain and the birdsong too, and every time I hear it, no matter the weather, the sun brightens. It is as if her sound lifts a veil from our eyes and allows us to see the world more clearly. It's funny how laughter can do that, those honest rumblings of the soul.
Her giggles, smirks, frustrations and everything that entails her.
I want her back to me
I need her
I need her back to me
I need us back.
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