The Pursuit of Happiness (Patrick Kane)

|Nine|

Kayleigh

"Put some hustle in it" Melissa chirps from behind me as she softly pushes me forward, "we can't let the other study group get the spot next to the window over looking the frat house where the cute guys live" she insists as I roll my eyes.

After nearly running into the library we find our usual spots by the window and wait for our friends to join us. Within ten minutes of us being there, there was ten of us definitely not being quite in this library. We break off in our little study groups depending on what we wanted to focus on. I end up with Melissa and our good friend Ryan doing flash cards. We work on political science and try to get a lot done even though it was anything but a walk in the park.

As Miranda and Ryan start to argue about which website to use to study my mind starts to wonder like it always does. But instead of thinking of all the things that need to be done or people who need someone like me, my mind goes to a unfamiliar place.

It starts to think about Patrick, and the situation we find ourselves in. I've never been interested in a guy like I was with Patrick. And it's not like I haven't met any guys like him before, because I most certainly have. But he was asking questions, questions a lot of people don't care to ask. And he was actually trying to learn, to get better. He at least had that going for him.

But there was something about his eyes that had a sense of wonder in them. Whenever he looked at me it always looked like there was more he wanted to say but he didn't quite know how to say it. Unlike me he can be curious, he doesn't have this need to know everything like I do. Sometimes knowledge can be a burden and whether he knows that or not he still keeps his innocence. He keeps his ability to find wonder in the world and not at the expense of innocence or hope.

In a way I was jealous of him and the things he doesn't know. How he can carry on for himself not worried about where he will end up or how it effects other people. He lives how all people should live, carelessly and without a doubt. I could learn a few things from him about how to carry myself and how to make a lasting impact on people. He had a lot going for him and it took a lot for him to get there. I know it wasn't always easy and I know he doesn't control a lot of his future, that's why he doesn't throw a fit about it. I would love to be a little more go with the flow and a little less following a strict schedule from time to time.

I might be teaching him things but he's teaching me stuff too, like how to open up even if it's not comfortable and how to be a part of the present. He might not be a person that I often times would find myself getting caught up with, but he's someone I'm thankful to have in my life and want to be a active part of it.

"Earth to Kay" Ryan says loudly as he waves his hand in front of my face. I shake my head and come back down from the clouds I seemed to have drifted away on.

"What" I ask. "I mean yeah, I'm here."

"What we're you thinking so hard about, because I know it's not about studying. You already know all of this stuff" he teases.

"She's thinking about her boyfriend" Melissa teases causing me to roll my eyes.

"He's not my boyfriend" I defend.

"But you were thinking about him" she accuses. "I can see it on your face."

I feel a soft sigh pass my lips as I look down. I shake my head trying to think about how to explain myself, but it's pretty self explanatory. "I was thinking about Patrick. But not about us together romantically, more about how two people seemingly so different can enjoy each other so much" I explain.

"Why can't you see that he is into you and you're into him? Why is this the one thing in your life you're not grabbing by the horns? Every other thing you've done you jumped into not knowing what you were doing or what happens next. Now all of the sudden I'm supposed to believe this incredibly sexy man who for some reason you have a weak spot for is right in front of you and this is a chance you're not willing to take" she asks me.

"The chances I take are ones that I feel are worth the risks. The kind of chances that if I don't take people will get hurt. And I take chances on things I can control, I can't control a relationship or whoever else I'm in a relationship with. Love isn't the kind of thing I want to take a chance on" I insist.

"That's the only way to love" she argues.

"What do I know about love? I see it in other people but I've never felt it for myself. I'm 25 years old and all I want to do is help people but I don't know how to feel for myself. I don't know how to interpret my feelings or understand what they mean. I know Patrick is different but different isn't enough" I defend.

"Why is your brain so damn big" Ryan asks.

"It's gotta keep up with my mouth" I smirk.

"Well I for one think you guys should get together. You didn't see the way he looked at you when we were bowling. I'm not even sure he noticed he was doing it either. But he couldn't take his eyes off of you. He smiled every second you were talking. He's into you and you're into him, why don't you accept that" she accuses.

"Because I've worked my ass off for seven years to finish this degree and do things he could do with blink of a eye. He has had every chance to do what I dreamed of and he hasn't. Only I can do that and I can't let go of our chance to change the world because I have a crush. We're still good friends and he is still around as much as he can be. But right now is too big of a spot for us to throw it all away" I defend.

"It doesn't have to be like that" Ryan assures me. "If anyone in this world can change life as we know it and change her life too, it would be you" he claims.

"I wouldn't know how to make it work. My whole life my mind was set on making history, and I never had another name next to mine" I insist.

"Well then I guess it's time you rewrite your history" he argues.