Salvation 2035

Chapter 18- Shattered Dreams

 『Tsuki』

     It's weird, but I really don't feel motivated to do anything. All I want to do is sleep for a real long time. When you sleep, it's like your world stops, every weight that was on your shoulders just magically disappears and everything just becomes so peaceful. You're in your own world where it's just you and no stress, no worries. Well, except when you have horrible flashbacks of your equally terrible past, but that's not real sleep. Real sleep is when you're just out. The phone rings and you don't hear it, someone shakes your arm but you don't feel it, it's storming outside but you weren't there to see it, and you'll never know if it really happened or not. These days, that's what I like most. I know it should be something like freedom, but really, all I want is undisturbed sleep. I think you'll find that's most people's answer.

     I feel like I don't have a purpose. I don't have any time to really think for just myself, and thinking about how I don't have time to think about myself... it just makes me feel empty. Not sad, just empty. Like a human-shaped blob is just going about trying to survive. I mean, I want to find my sister, but I've already made peace with the fact that I might not see her again. I'll sound like an absolute psycho saying this, but I'm not even sure I want to see her again. I don't want to go through the hassle of explaining what happened to me after our separation, because I know I'll have to. Everyone from that time in my life is long gone or just plain disinterested in me. None of my coworkers have a clue where I ended up once Cromwell took me away, and neither do the clients. Besides, I've changed a lot since then. The only time they saw me was when I was all dolled up and had an entirely different name. My coworkers knew I wasn't a girl because y'know, we had a communal change room, but other than that, there wasn't anyone who had a clue who Akatsuki Fuijimoto was. Well, there was Cromwell's ex, but he's a complete outlier. I can't believe she blamed me for her marriage falling apart. Lady, it's not my problem if your man has a thing for people like me. Eh, I guess it is my problem since he fucked me up, in all sense of the word. If I ever saw that guy again, I'd beat the hell outta him, that's for sure.

     More importantly, the reason that Cromwell is following us is basically that I kind of screwed up her life and she wants revenge or something. I've tried to piece together why exactly that is but to start, me leaving the brothel was a pretty big monetary loss for her, and add that to her marriage falling apart; she really suffered because of me. Once she got me in jail, I thought that would be it. I mean, she did a real number on me, and everyone else there did as well. I guess she doesn't think she's screwed me up enough.

     Oh, right, I'm supposed to be contemplating what I'll do when I see Naomi again. I guess a better way to say it rather than I don't want to see her again would be that I'm not ready to see her again. Also, what am I going to do once I'm free? It's been so long since I've been out there in the world as a regular, functioning member of society. Lindy put aside a ton of cash for me to go to school with, and I'm just kind of carrying it around in my bag like it's no big deal. It's a little too late for me, though. I've never really gone to school before. I don't know anything about math, science, or writing essays or whatever. Once we get to Canada, will we even be free, or will it just be more running and hiding? What if it's just the same as here? The money I have is finite, and also American money, so will it be any good there? It's all so stressful.

     Anyways, that's enough of me contemplating life. I suppose I should focus on what's going on now. But, we're just driving through another city without a name. Well, of course, it has a name, but I couldn't be bothered enough to care. Look, there's another grey skyscraper. Doesn't it look great with all of the other grey skyscrapers against the grey sky? And, look, a car to the left of me, another to the right, one behind and another in front. Oh yeah, it's gridlock time. I look around to see various people, all dressed in coats of varying shades of navy, waiting at the intersection up ahead. I guess it's early enough that we've caught a bunch of people trying to get to work.