Make You Mine

Chapter 15

Ugh! This really sucks. Nababaliw na ba ako? Paano ko ba nasabi 'yun?

Hindi naman ako lasing kagabi, pero nakagawa ako ng isang katangahang tiyak na pag sisisihan ko. Ano ba? Ano bang elemento ang pumasok sa akin kagabi? I was walking to my home and he called me. I was this shit woman, wasted by her own doings and answered his call. I thought that it was a great opportunity to tell him and make him know that I was angry. That, I am not happy with the things going on between us.

But, what the hell got in to me and told him that I still love him?

Why!?

Ano na ang gagawin ko? Yes, I am not working for him anymore but who knows? He's crazy at this point, just like me. I don't know what he can do just to get what he wants. Just to satisfy his ego.

"I already told you, Clarice. Dad has a company share on this so called Big Hospital near in Makati. You can go there, definitely. And I am sure, choices will be laid to you," Avin said. He's in front of me right now, sitting with Cleo who's been eating her breakfast since I woke up. I chose to share this on Avin because I think he's the right one. I don't know, actually. It's just that, if I tell Alleana about this, she would probably over react. Over than you can imagine.

I stare at him for a second because I can't for too long. I-I am just ashamed of myself right now. Ashamed of the fact that here I am, asking for advice and help from him which I've never done before. Maybe with little things, those that's not too much to ask.

"You know that I can't do that, right?" I ask. His eyebrows reacted fast. Ay, grabe. "And why not?" He ask with a serious tone. I shrugged myself and sat in front of them. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang dapat sabihin, o kahit gawin. "I don't know. It's not me, it does not feels right."

He stop for a second just to face me. "You know what, Clarice... You've been acting like this ever since. You keep on pushing us away. Thinking that you can handle all of these by yourself. Look, I know you're strong indeed. But you can't just take us away from your life. Accept help and give help, that's it."

And at that moment, I couldn't answer anything.

It makes me think how much I depended on myself. I am being too harsh? Na, masyado na ba akong naging pabigat sa sarili ko? Kasi akala ko kaya ko. Kasi kinaya ko naman e. After all these years, I've handled everything without asking too much help sa iba. Natakot na ako. Kaya nag bago ako.

Depending on others might change your life. Not the way you live it, but the way you handle it.

"Sorry," Sorry is the only word I can say right now.

He sighed. His hands were moving until it holds mine. And it feels... comfortable. It's been years since he and I had this moment. To you know, talk thing seriously.

"I'm not angry of you just because you're being independent. Trust me, I'm not. And besides, I am so proud of it," he said. I look at him. Reading his eyes, asking questions by my own. "Because I'm not scared of the fact that both of you can be alone sometimes. That people like us, your family, may not be on your side sometimes. That's why I'm not scared. Because I saw how strong you are. I know that you can survive without us. You can live without us."

Tears started crawling down in my face. It's fast and I couldn't touch it anymore. This is the first time I heard him talk like this. I feel like a man is lecturing me to have a tender heart and mindset sometimes, that I can't stay strong for too long. I feel like his telling me to rest a bit.

"But do you know what I hates the most?" He asked. I look at him but I didn't bother to answer. I want him to continue talking. "It's the fact na kahit nandito pa kami ay pilit mo naman kaming itinataboy," ani niya. Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. Paano? Bakit?

He laughed a little. "I know you didn't said that or even mentioned it. But you know, gut feel. I-I just can feel it."

I was... I can't process it.

"Minsan alam mo ba, feeling ko e nag pa-practice kana mag-isa. Para kapag nawala kami, alam mo na yung pakiramdam. Yung hindi kana mangangapa kasi danas mo na. Pero alam mo kasi... mali e. Maling-mali, Clarice."

My head slowly turned down. I can't help it. Nahihiya ako.

"Clarice... note this okay? I and we, we won't leave you alone. Both of you. I wouldn't dare to do that. I did not even think of it, not even once. That fact makes me feel sick and devastated. My life is not complete if both of you is not there. So stop thinking like that. You're not going to be alone, not in this lifetime," he said.

I nod at him. I keep realizing things. Of how selfish I am. Parang ipinag kakait ko ang sarili ko sa kanila. At hindi ko manlang yun naramdaman. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko dahil parang ang manhid ko. Sobrang manhid ko.

"And this," he said at kinuha si Cleo na abala sa kinakain niya. "This angel won't leave you. She will be your light in darkness, hope in deep doubt, and love from an unknown heart."

I can't stop crying right now. What did I do to deserve these kind of people? A loving and caring one. People who does not get tired showing the love I've been missing since then. Caring that I lost. Lost from somewhere.

1 New Message
Mr. Unknown

I think we need to talk. I'm outside of your house. I will be waiting.

Yes. I think we need.