Make You Mine

Chapter 16

"Avin..." I called my brother. I was so hesitant if I am going to tell him that Tyler's outside of our house. I mean, he will get mad. He hated Tyler so much because of what he did to me.

But how? My mind is killing me right now. I don't like the fact of keeping things from him, from them. Because I know the result. I know what it is going to be like and I don't want them to feel the same way, like how they used to feel before.

He look at me. His head is moving a bit, telling me to speak because I was just staring at him.

"Si ano... si... Tyler," mahina kong pag banggit ng pangalan nito. Mas lalong kumunot ang noo niya. Inilapag niya muna si Cleo sa upuan nito at muling humarap sa akin. "Bakit? Anong meron sa lalaking 'yun?" tanong niya. Sa tono pa lang ng boses niya ay mahahalata mo na ang pagka irita. Mas lalo akong natakot. Huwag ko na lang kaya sabihin?

I immediately erased that thought in my head. No, I'm not going to lie again.

"He's outside," I stated. I'm still nervous but I managed to sound strong. He shook his head.

I sigh. I look at him, in his eyes. "He's outside. Outside of our house right now."

He didn't say any word. But looking at his eyes, he's mad.

"I'm calling the police," he said and took out  his phone. I was shock. Police? Why?

"What? No, Avin!" I almost shouted. Tinignan niya ako na parang hindi niya ako naiintindihan. pumikit ako ng mariin.

"Look, let's just calm down first, okay? I know... I know what you're thinking. Y-you're probably mad right now and I am too," I said to make him calm down. We have to think right now. Every move we're going to make will have its bad effect. And I don't want to risk my daughter here just because I didn't make the right decisions. That I was fooled by my emotions.

"But we have to think, okay? Our every actions has its own consequences and I don't want us to choose the bad one," I said. The moment he ended the phone call, I was able to breathe properly. I don't want to make a scene. I don't want to give him his satisfaction.

"Fine. But what are you going to do? Don't tell me you're going to let him in here because that's so stupid," he mutter and laughed a little. I look at him darkly. What? Am I that really dumb? That's going to kill me.

"What? Are you kidding me, Avin? You really think I'm going to do that?" I unbelievably asked him. He shook his head in front of me. "Well... kinda."

I can't believe this jerk.

"Just go inside in Cleo's room. And make sure that she is not going to cry because that will bring us into a big mess, okay?" I instructed. He just nodded at me and didn't bother to answer anymore. Kinuha niya si Cleo at pumunta na silang dalawa sa taas. Naiwan akong mag isa. Muli akong kinabahan.

Galit siya sa mga oras na 'to. At hindi ko alam kung paano sasaluhin ang lahat ng 'yun.

Sa bawat hakbang na ginagawa ko ay siya namang pag bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. I really love him.

Pero para kasi kaming hindi pwede. Alam mo 'yun? Yung palagi na lang may sabagal or kaya naman, ipinapakita sa amin yung mga rason kung bakit kami hindi pwede. Bakit parang ang hirap mag mahal? Bakit hindi ko maramdaman yung pag mamahal? Bakit puro sakit lang?

Diba dapat, parehas mong nararamdaman ang sakit at pag mamahal?

Dito pa lamang sa aming pintuan ay tanaw ko na ang kotse niya. Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong matuwa o kung ano man. Papalapit na ako ng papalit sa kanya. Nakikita ko na rin ang mga paa niya. Parang gusto ko na siyang paalisin na lang at huwag ng kausapin. Pero may pumipigil sa akin. May nag sasabi sa sistema ko na dapat ko siyang harapin at kausapin.

Dahan-dahan kong binuksan ang gate namin at nakita ko si Tyler na nakasandal sa kotse niya. Looking at him makes me smile, but in my inner soul. This situation somehow brings college days memories. Wherein he always picking up in front of my house while resting outside his car. And he is doing that kasi gusto niya daw mag pa-pogi.

"Bakit ka nandito? Anong kailangan mo?" tanong ko. Agad siyang napatingin sa akin at inayos ang sarili niya.

"Comeback to me please..." he pleaded. I was so shock by that. I mean, sinabi niya agad 'yun ng ganun-ganun lang?

I avoided his gaze. His head is so straightforward, looking at me while his eyes trying to talk to me. And I can't bear with it.

"You... you already know the answer Tyler. You know that I can't," I said.

I want to be with him. I want to give my daughter a normal family as she grow up. I don't want her to question herself in any form she can just she don't have a father beside her. It's hard. And I don't want her to suffer from that pain bacause I know how it feels.

But I'm scared. I'm scared of the fact that Tyler could not fight for us. That in the end, I will just going to run away from him because I couldn't take the pain anymore. And then, Cleo and I will spend the rest of our lives alone. Just like how I planned it.

"Why? Why can't you just be with me again? I-I thought we've talked things out last time? What's wrong again?" he asked me. Huminga ako ng malalim at pagod na tinignan siya. Oo, pagod na ako. Pagod na ako sa lahat ng ito. Pagod na ang sistema ko kakapilit sa mga bagay na hindi naman pwede. Pagod na akong umasa na sa bandang huli, may kami pa rin.

"Oo... napag usapan na natin. Pero napag usapan lang naman natin diba? Wala naman tayong ginawa para mabago ang lahat. Napag usapan natin ang nakaraan, oo. Pero may nag bago ba? Wala naman diba?" hindi ko makapaniwalang tanong sa kanya. Hindi ko maiwasan na masabi 'yun sa kanya. Dahil 'yun naman ang totoo diba?

Na hanggang doon lang, hanggang pag uusap na lang.

"No... you're wrong. You're definitely wrong," he said to my emphasizing his emotions. Naguguluhan ako sa sinasabi niya ngayon. "The moment the you and I have talked things out last time, it was a start for me."

I was taken back at what he have said right now. Am I going to denied it to myself?

"That time, all I could think was... I have the chance. A chance to have you in my arms again. The chance to give it a shot again because... I know that I have made my own mistake before. And I've been thinking how could I make it right. Because, the fact of not having you on my side... it kills me."

I look at him. But I didn't know my feelings at this moment. My love for him was here, but the pain keeps coming back at me. It keeps on hunting me and I don't want it anymore.

"Oo, inaamin ko na naging ma-sikreto ako sa'yo noon. Kasi hindi ko alam, hindi ko alam kung paano sasabihin sayo yung mga bagay na 'yun. Wala akong ideya. Iniisip ko pa lang na sinasabi ko sa'yo yun, pakiramdam ko ang sama ko ng tao. Pero maniwala ka... ginawa ko ang lahat ng 'yun dahil ayokong masaktan ka," ani niya. "Ayokong lumayo ka, kagaya ng gusto nila."

Hindi ko na napigilan ang mga luha ko at tuluyan na silang bumagsak mula sa mga mata ko.

Ayoko na... pagod na ako. Pero paano?

"Kaya nag sinungaling ka na lang? Kaya mas pinili mo na paniwalain ako sa mga bagay na hindi naman totoo? Para saan? Para saan Tyler ha? Paano ko mababago ang tingin nila sa akin kung ako mismo, hindi ko alam kung ano ang tingin nila sa akin? Alam mo... ang selfish mo Tyler. Sarili mo lang yung iniisip mo, hindi mo manalang ako kinausap kahit na ang daming pag kakataon na pwede naman sana. Ang damot mo, Tyler... ang damot mo," hindi ako makapaniwala na nasabi ko 'yun sa kanya. Pero 'yun ang nararamdaman ko e. Hindi ba dapat pinakikinggan natin ang mga sarili natin?

Minsan kasi... nakakalimutan na natin ang sarili natin kaka-una sa iba.

And now, he's the one who avoided my gaze. I keep trying to look at him, showing him how I ended up, being fed up with his lies.

"Tama ka... naging madamot ako. At mas kaya ko pang maging madamot, alam mo kung bakit? Kasi mahal kita," ani niya. "Ikaw lang yung taong nag pakita sa akin na pwede pa pala akong mabuhay sa mundong 'to. Pwede pa pala ako gumawa ng mga desisyon para sa sarili ko. Pwede pa pala akong mabuhay ng naaayon sa gusto ko. Na... pwede pa pala akong mag mahal."

"Lahat ng 'yun... ikaw lang ang nag paramdam sa akin, Clarice. Kaya kung tatanungin mo ako tungkol sa pagiging madamot, oo. Kayang-kaya kitang ipagdamot sa iba. Dahil akin ka lang, Clarice. So, please... comeback to me now. Don't make me do it in a hard way."