MIXTAPE | hyunin ✓

nineteen

Jeongin woke up with a start, little snippets of a friend he had lost in the past playing in his head as he sat up and tried to shake away his fears, adjusting his breathing as he inhaled and exhaled in counts of ten. 

Then, he noticed an arm wrapped loosely around him and, before he screamed, he remembered that he had fallen asleep in Hyunjin's house, the thought of it alone sending waves of heat to his cheeks as he blushed a bright red. 

Slowly, he detached Hyunjin's arm and got out of the bed, tiptoeing to the living room to get a better look at the sky from the bigger windows that hung outside. 

He wrapped his arms around himself, patting his own shoulders as he tried to calm himself down, endlessly repeating that his friend was long gone and that no matter how much he wished he could turn back the time to that instance, there was nothing that he could do since he was merely a child whose career had barely even been formed yet. 

Although he and Chaewon were the best of friends, a part of Jeongin knew that there were some things he could never fully explain to her quite yet, one of those things being his insane fear of thunderstorms and the other being his persistance in making new friends, an action that he himself could admit rushed the whole process of friendship. 

He sat down on the floor as he hugged his knees towards himself and stared at the night sky and, although there were barely any stars in that night, he still wished upon them, a habit he had picked up on ever since young. 

"Innie? Why're you crying?" 

"I-I had a bad dream."

A sad smile formed on Jeongin's face, the words of his friend still so prominently featured in his thoughts. 

"You know what I do? I look up at the sky and I wish upon a star. I don't know if it works but it helps calm me down."

"That doesn't make sense Jinnie!"

Jeongin shut his eyes and clasped his hands together, saying a silent prayer directed to the stars above.

Back then, Jinnie was the only one he could truly rely on for everything. Jinnie was the one person he knew he could turn to when life came for him. And yet, he was the one who had left.

He knew it was a crazy idea but a part of him saw a resemblence between Hyunjin and Jinnie from the way they walked to the little mole under their eye. 

But, other than the fact that he believed that Jinnie was a girl and Hyunjin was a boy, he had seen Jinnie move on to the afterlife - or more accurately, he had seen her get hospitalised after the incident whereby two cars crashed against one another, resulting in two deaths and two severe injuries.

He remembered screaming his lungs out, desperately trying to wake her up or at the very least, to get some sign that she was still alive and present on the earth. 

But he got nothing.

Everyday after school, he had rushed to the hospital and sat there right next to her, holding her hand until visiting hours ended and he had to be dragged out every single day because he never wanted to leave - how could he possibly leave his first friend all alone in such a dreary place?

And then, the call came and suddenly, his mother had started packing their bags, repeatedly telling him that Jinnie was long gone and that she would be glad to see Jeongin moving on with his life and pursuing his dream of becoming a star. 

He remembered begginng, pleading, for her to give him more time to stay but she insisted, practically tossing him out of the house and into the hands of the company he was still under currently. 

And, when he called his mother for the first and last time on the phone, she told her that Jinnie had died and on top of all that, she told her to never contact her again since he was no longer her problem. 

Jeongin buried his head in his hands, trying his best to stifle his sobs because he didn't want to wake Hyunjin up lest he get angry with him. 

"Yang? Why're you crying?" 

Jeongin abruptly turned around and when he raised his head, his eyes met Hyunjins'.

"I-I had a bad dream," he said, forcing a smile on his face as he hurriedly wiped his tears away. 

Hyunjin knelt down in front of him and gently cupped his face in his hands, wiping away the tears that remained with his thumb.

"What was it about?" 

And, Jeongin didn't know if it was because of the lack of lighting or the fact that he was still half asleep, but for a brief moment, all he could see was his friend staring back at him, waiting for him to answer. 

So that was exactly what he did.

He told Hyunjin about how he had grown up with his friend. How eventually, he had started to enjoy being around his friend more and how they would spend almost everyday of their lives together. He told him about how she had found him in the park, crying to himself as he covered his ears and tried in vain to protect himself from the neverending rain. 

He told him everything until the very moment he had left.

Throughout it all, Hyunjin remained silent, his hands dropping from Jeongins' face and onto his shoulders instead. 

"I-I realise I just blurted everything out to you and I'm really sorry hyung-" 

"How'd you know that your friend was a girl?" To say that Jeongin was taken aback by his sudden question would have been a complete understatement. 

"I-I don't know. She had really long hair an-and she used to wear skirts and pretty ribbons and-"

Hyunjin chuckled, his eyes never once averting from Jeongin. "Well maybe, 'her' mother was expecting a girl but when 'she' came out, 'she' was a boy," he said nonchalantly. 

"Ho-how would you know any of that hyung?" 

"Because, 'Jinnie' never died after you left. All 'she' did was wait for you to come back." Jeongins' eyes were as wide as saucers, the slow realisation kicking in but before he could voice it out, Hyunjin beat him to it, finally breaking eye contact with Jeongin and staring at the sky, more stars appearing as compared to earlier. "'She' waited and waited - Hell, 'she' argued with anyone who said you wouldn't return since you were going to be a celebrity. But, 'she' soon realised that, they were right." 

"Hyung?"

Hyunjin hummed, still refusing to meet his eyes until he felt a weight on his shoulder.

"Thank you for coming back to me." 

"Do-don't take this as an invitation to suddenly be openly affectionate with me or I swear to god Yang-"

"Innie." Jeongin lifted his head and moved his head so that he was directly in front of Hyunjin as he gave him a pout. "Call me Innie."

And, for the first time since his mother forced him to leave, Jeongin finally felt as though he were home, placing his head on Hyunjins' lap, a bright smile on his face.