No judgement

1

"Who do you think that you are? You are never going to make it in this life." My dad said to me laughing. I just told him my dreams. What I want to do. The job that I already have. Everything that I have ever dreamed of is coming true right now, and the one person I need support from refuses to be there for me.

"I know I can do this. I have been practicing since I was a little girl. Momma taught me the tricks. Why can't you just be happy for me!" My dad and I have never been that close. He is all I have. My mom passed away in a car accident a few years ago. He blames me for it. I do to. If I wouldn't have ever went to that party that night, she would still be here.

2 years ago

"Mom can you please come get me. Jake and I are fighting again. He touched me when I didn't want him too. Momma I need you." I cried into the phone. Jake is my boyfriend. We have been on and off for the past year, my mom never liked him. Now I know why. He raped me. I feel like I don't own my body anymore.

"I'm on my way baby. We will go straight to the police." She said. When I heard her say that I froze.

"Mom we can't go to the police. He didn't mean too!" I said more scared of what he would do to me. I could hear her sigh through the phone.

"We need to go to the police honey, you can't let him get away with this. It wasn't an accident. You and I both know that." Of course I knew that, I want to be able to go to the police about it but I am so terrified of the pain that he will cause me.

"Mom please. I can't. I can't do that to him." I said to her.

"Look what he has done to you, he didn't think twice about it. You can't think twice about this. You have to go to the police. He won't be able to hurt you honey." I know what she is saying is right but I have a huge pit in my stomach about this. I have a feeling going to the police station is going to be bad. I got off the phone with her when she pulled up to me. I got in the car and she whiped the tears off my face. Holding my face in her hands.

"It's all going to be okay honey. You are so strong." She said to me. I knew she was right, she is always right. I pushed the pit that was in my stomach to the back of my mind and she started the drive to the police station. It's about a thirty minute drive from where I was.

"I love you mom, thank you!" I said to her while tears started flow again.

"I love you more sweetie." She said. That was the last thing that she said to me. As she pulled away for the stop sign a truck ran into the drivers side of the car at full speed. I blacked out when I hit my head on the dash. All I saw was black.

Sirens. All I hear are sirens. I opened my eyes and looked over at my mom. I can't even discribe what I saw. "MOM!" I yelled, grabbing at my neck. OW! I saw a guy come up to the car to help me. "NO get her first! Get her!" I yelled at him. Everything was going in slow motion. They had people come help me while they were getting my mom out of the car.

I looked over and saw a tarp where my mom was laying, NO! This can't be happening. Not now, not ever. I sat up but they pushed me back down lightly. "MOMMY!" I cried out, more screamed. This has to be a really bad dream.

Back to current time.

"You will never be half as good as she was." His words hurt but I know it's the truth. Everything that he says always relates to me being a horrible person. For making my mom come get me that night. He doesn't truly know what happened that night. Only me, my mom, and jake know about it. I don't plan on ever telling anyone else. I can't.

"I know that I will never be as good as her, you think I don't know that." I said through tears. He always knows how to get me to feel bad. "I know it was all my fault okay, you don't have to keep reminding of it every single day of my life. I know that I will never be half as good as she was at photography. I just want to follow in her footsteps and make her proud." I said to him. I grabbed my suitcases and walked out of the door, ready to start my new life without him. Without the hate that he brings to my life daily. I got into my car and started driving. Where to, I don't know yet. I have no idea where I am going.

I feel free already, the feeling of not being judged for doing what I love. The only person I have is myself, and I don't need anyone else. All I can think of right now is my mom, where she always wanted to go. The first place is New York. So that's where I'm starting. I have never went out of the state that I live in. Indiana, the most boring state of them all. I am so ready to concore the world on my own terms. Being myself, and not feeling bad about it.

10 hours later

As I entered the city, I felt a feeling of relief. I looked up to the sky. "This is all for you momma, I wish this could have been you!" I smiled at the sky. Looking back at the road. I went to the nearest hotel and rented a room for the first week. I plan on being here for a while, so I need to find an apartment and a job. It's time for me Baylee Winters to concore the world on her own terms. I am so ready for my new life.