No judgement

16

"What do you want to do today?" Niall asked me as I got into his car. We have been seeing each other everyday for the past two months. I don't know what we are. I don't really like labels. I do want to know where we stand though.

"I don't know, what do you want to do today?" I asked him, he smirked. Normally he picks, because I never know what to do.

"Nope, it's up to you today." I stuck out my bottom lip making him smile. "I'm serious. It's up to you." He said. I brainstormed a whole bunch of idea's. Nothing seemed fun.

"Hold on." I opened the car door. Running into the house, to my room. At this point I just live with Harry. I opened my closet door getting into my dresser drawer, pulling out a bathing suit. I ran back outside. "This is what I want to do today. I want to go swimming. I don't care where." I said to him. He smiled.

"Swimming it is." He started driving. He grabbed my thigh. I flinched. He hasn't done that, he instantly realized. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." He said. I got so mad at myself for being that person. The trauma never leaves. I'm scared of people touching my thigh. A single tear fell from my eye. God dammit. I whiped it away. He pulled over to the side of the road looking me straight in the eyes.

"I'm sorry Niall, I am such a loser." I said not making eye contact with him. Trying to do anything but make eye contact with him. He grabbed my chin making me look at him.

"You are not a loser. You were taken advantage of, you don't have to apologize. You will grow to be use to it one day, I will help you with that. I will be patient I promise." He said. Promises scare me. I've been promised a lot of things in my life, they have been broken. Niall isn't just anyone though, I can't compare him to anyone that is not fair.

"I'm sorry. I want to be able to do normal things. Like you touching my thigh for example. I want to be able to do those things, they just scare the hell out of me. It's not you, I trust you. I just can't get past being scared." I said. The truth is always what I tell when I am talking to Niall. It's hard to even try to lie to him, let alone actually lying to him.

"You don't ever need to apologize. We will get through it together. I am here for you." I looked down. He grabbed my face again. "Hey look at me. I am not going anywhere. I want to be with you, trauma and all. Okay that's not going to change." He said. That made me smile. I can't help but always smile when I am around him.

"Thank you Niall." I said. I don't know what else to say. He pulled me into him, kissing my forehead.

"You don't need to thank me." He said. He placed a sweet kiss on my lips. It's my favorite thing to kiss Niall. Once I completely calmed down he started driving again. We ended up at his house. I wish we could go to the beach but there is too many people there. We can't be spotted together. He opened the car door for me. I got out walking to his door, opening it. He put his bathing suit on and met me outside at his pool. I was sitting on the chair, by the pool. I had my head in my hands. He grabbed my hands, making me look at him. "What are you thinking about?" He asked me.

"I...I don't know. I just I miss my mom. She would be there for me, helping me with the trauma, teaching me how to live with it. I miss her, she was my best friend. I knew I could talk to her about anything. I just wish she could be here to tell me what to do now." I said. I never want to hide anything from Niall, this realtionship is too percious to me.

"What do you need reassurance about?" He asked me, I wasn't going to start telling lies now.

"I am going to be completely honest with you...I need reassurance that I am not fucking everything up. I want to know what we are. Where you want to go with this. I don't want to be in the dark about it." I said. I sound so stupid. I always do, but I just don't know anymore.

"I was actually going to ask you tonight, but I feel like right now is a good time." He said. I looked at him confused. Dammit I fucked up his plan.

"See I fucked up, I fucked up the plan that you had. This is exactly what I mean." I said. I stood up. Pacing.

"Baylee." He grabbed my arms. "I just planned on doing it today, I didn't know how to bring it up. You made it easier for me." He said. Well now I feel dumb. He pulled me back to the seat. I sat down.

"Okay." I said. Waiting for him to ask.

"I just wanted to uhm...well...Will you be my girlfriend?" He asked me. OH MY GOD!!! I jumped up, he stood up as well. I jumped onto him, hugging him.

"I would love too." I said to him. He kissed me. I smiled.

"Let's get in the pool, girlfriend." He said, I giggled.

"Okay, boyfriend." He smiled at that. I know he is proud of how well he asked me. Behind his confident apperance, he is just a shy boy. I want to help bring out the exciting man I know he is. He put me over his shoulder. Throwing me into the pool. Jumping in right after. I splashed water on him, we were both laughing so hard. "Oh game on Niall." I said.

"You don't know what you are getting yourself into Winters." He said. The way he said that made the competivness in my bones come out. I splashed him with water. Swimming away from him. Once he caught up with me, I wrapped my legs around his waist. I looked him directly in the eyes. "Stay here tonight?" He asked me. I smiled at him.

"I get to wear one of your shirts, right?" I asked. He giggled. That giggle gets me everytime.

"Yes, anything for you." He said.

"So I get to choose the shirt." I said squinting my eyes at him. He smiled that beautiful smile.

"I guess." He said dramatically. I unwrapped my legs, but he didn't let me go yet. I put my forehead on his. "I really like you. Everything about you is perfect." He said to me.

"I really like you too." I said. I leaned into his lips. We move together really well. "Okay I can't breathe." I said making us both laugh yet again. I unwrapped my legs again, this time he let go. Following me out of the pool. I grabbed the towel wrapping it around me. He look a picture of me. I made a funny face. Making him laugh.

I walked into his closet, searching for the perfect shirt. I went to the laundry basket. Picking up the top shirt. It smells just like him. I look off my clothes. Putting his shirt over my body. Before I could get the shirt over my body, I saw things I tried to forget for so long. My scars. The ones from the accident. I don't like to look at them, they remind me of too much. I let the shirt fall, walking out of the closet to where Niall was laying on his bed. I fell to the bed right next to him.

"You are perfect Baylee, don't ever forget that." Niall said. He calls me perfect all the time, but this time felt different. It felt more real.

"You, Mr. Niall Horan, are as perfect as a human can get." I said laying my head on his chest. Falling asleep to the sound of his heart. It's easy to fall alseep when I am with him. He makes me feel safe.