No judgement

10

"OMG!" One of the girls yelled. The girl that threw the phone. She is acting like she did nothing wrong. Wow that hurt... it hurt way more than I thought it would.

"Are you okay Baylee?" Louis asked me. Not concerned about the girls right now. Or that he has been spotted in public with Harry. Dammit!

"Yeah I'm fine." I said taking my hand off of my eye. The air hitting it stung. Harry walked over to me, the girls still literally attached to him. He softly pushed them off of him. They kept coming back though. He grabbed my face, running his thumb under where my eye was starting to swell. One of the girls pulled on his arm which made him push on my eye. I could tell he felt horrible. "OW!" I cried out again.

"I am going to ask one more time, please get off of me." He said nicely, but obviously irritated. I can't believe he is still being nice. I get it, but what the hell is wrong with these girls. They were still latched onto him.

While he focused on getting them off of him, Eleanor went and got an ice pack. She got security as well. She placed the ice pack on my eye. Making sure I was okay. I smiled at her. Louis was right next to her, making sure that I was okay. He is pissed I can tell. I don't blame him, I am too.

"I'm okay, I promise." I said as we sat down in our seats. "You shouldn't have came over to me Louis. Everything is going to be out, people are going to know you are Harry were together." I said worried about them. I don't want them to loose what they have again because of all of this.

"I am not worried about that right now. Harry and I will be fine. I was worried about you Baylee. People will say whatever, but I needed to be there for you. You are my friend, and when my friends get hurt I am always by their side no matter what. No matter the risk." He said to me. I am truly thankful for all three of them, but I still worry that It will ruin everything. It will be my fault if it does.

We all sat in silence for a little bit, I could tell that Louis was very angry. I get why because I am too, that should never have gone that far. It did though, people are going to freak out. "What are you thinking about?" Harry asked me. I looked over at him.

"People are going to ruin what you guys have again, and it's going to be my fault that it got out. I could have handled that on my own. I know I could have, I don't want to be the reason everything gets ruined. I can't ruin that too." I said. I am beyond worried at this point.

"Look at it this way Baylee. You and I were together, Eleanor and Louis were together. If they ask questions all we have to do is just say we were just catching up. Introducing as well...that's all we have to do. It's going to suck people are going to dig deep, figure things out. Louis and I will be fine, I can promise you that. We just wont speak on it. Leave them to talk. It's whatever." He said. I mean he is right...we were all together. So I guess that gives us a way to change the story. I sighed out.

I calmed down, we are on the airplane now. On our way to London... I pulled out my notebook. Ready to write. I grabbed my pen and opened the book. I stared at a blank page, not knowing what to write. I started the first line. Until you go through it you don't know... The pain that I have been going through is unknown. I want to keep it quiet till I die, but pain demands to be felt. I smiled at the lyrics, they aren't perfect but they are good.

in 2016 my life changed. everything I once knew was gone.
not one but two things happened. Things I don't wanna share...
That night I realized, not everything is promised. Not everything will be forever.
I hold onto everything with care, not letting go.
This is the life I live. To jake, that night will always be remembered.
To my mom, I love and miss you dearly.
This is me!

I am a little iffy on it, I don't know if the words really work together completely. The song that I just wrote is very close to my heart. The pain that I felt is in that song, whether people hear it or not. It's so raw. Everything in this song is raw. I can't wait to share it.

A few hours later...

We just arrived at Harry's house in London. I got out of the car, Eleanor and I are sharing a room so I worked my way to our room. Placing my things on the bed, Eleanor doing the same. "What were you writing?" She asked me.

"I wrote a song." I said. She smiled at me.

"Can I hear it?" She asked.

"Yes, let's go downstairs. I know some guitar, but I will need Harry's help." I said to her. We walked out of the door. I called for Harry to come to the living room area... He walked behind us. His hand in Louis. "So I wrote a song, I was wondering if you would help me with the instrument part. Can you go to the piano?" I asked him. He went and sat down at the beautiful piano across the room. I explained to him what sound I wanted and he started playing. I grabbed the guitar and I matched his notes. I started singing and they all looked at me surprised. Louis was recording so we had it later.

Once I was done singing, we closed the song out with the instruments drowning out. I looked at Harry once he lifted his fingers off the piano, he was smiling at me. "That was so beautiful. I didn't know you could sing." He said.

"I didn't know if I could anymore. I stopped singing when my mom passed, but it always made me feel better." I said smiling. I needed that.

"Who's Jake?" Eleanor asked me. I think she knows the answer, but I think she wants to hear it from me.

"My ex boyfriend. He uhm... He is the one that touched me when I didn't want him too." I said trying to get the sentence out without crying. I did it. If I continue to talk about it there is no doubt I will cry.

"I am so sorry that you went through that. I don't want to force you to talk about it, but some day talking about it might help." Eleanor said.

"I know, I'm just not ready yet." I said to her.

"Okay, just let us know when you are." She said. I like that they don't force me to talk about it. I shook my head, and they changed the subject.

"When do you want to record the song?" Harry asked me. I didn't think that far yet.

"I wouldn't even know where, or when to go." I said to him.

"I know a place, a few blocks away actually. I have the next week with no shows after tomorrow, I took a week so I can visit with my mom. We can go one of those days." He said to me.

"I don't want to interfere with your time with your family." I said.

"They can come to the studio with us, If you are comfortable enough. You shouldn't be scared though. Your voice is beautiful." He said. I still feel bad about it, but there is no point in arguing with him. I shook my head. "WOOOHOOO!!!" He yelled. I laughed. He ran up and hugged me. "You are going to be the Rockstar that everyone knows you are!!!" He said really excited. So am I though.

"I can't wait to hear the finished product." Louis said, I smiled at him. I can't wait to here how it comes out. This is going to change my life. I don't understand how a month ago I was barely living, I just moved to New York. I had just got out of a really toxic environment. Now I am here, getting ready to record my first ever song, and I have great friends. I can't wait to see where life takes me...