No judgement

20

I always get nervous on planes, I wasn't really when I went to New York... I was so ready to start my life. It's different now, I'm back tracking. I am completely lost because of a father that hated me...I still love him, even though I really wish that I didn't care. I just can't, I'm not like him. I cared about him. Through the bad and the good.

"Are you okay Baylee? Don't say your fine, I wouldn't believe that for a second." It's like he read my mind. I was just going to say I'm fine, It would have been so much easier to do that. I looked over to see Niall looking directly at me. Harry and Louis across from us. Looking at me as well.

"Okay, I'm not fine. When I was younger the man that I remember the most...The reason that I care so much. He would always go out of his way to make me feel special. He...he...before my mom passed he got me a ring, he promised to always...uhm...he promised to always protect me, and too be the best dad that he could possibly be." I said. I was very hesitant to say that, I don't want to start crying. I have been doing to much of that the past two days.

"Is that why you always get a look on your face when I make promises?" He asked me. I looked at him confused.

"What face?" I asked. I have no idea what he is talking about.

"You almost look like you are going to start crying. Is that why? You are scared of promises." I shook my head. I didn't realized I made faces, but since I know I do now. I might as well let him know.

"Yeah my dad made me a lot of promises. So did Jake. They both promised to protect me." I said. I laughed. I didn't mean to. Looking back at how stupid I was believeing them. That's on me that I could be so stupid. "I can't believe I fed into their bullshit. It's just as much my fault as it is theirs." I said. I honestly believe it. It kind of worries me that I said that. "I-" I went to say something but Niall interupted me.

"That's not on you. Don't ever say that again. They took advantage of you, not in anyway is that your fault. Baylee I'm serious." He said. I knew that I don't even know why I thought, or said that. I'm just so confused.

"I don't know why I said that Niall. I am so confused. I haven't thought that since I moved to New York. I haven't let myself feel that way for so long. I don't know. I don't understand." I said. Tears coming out of my eyes again. I rolled my eyes. I'm so tired of crying.

"I just want you to know that it's not your fault. You didn't do that. They took advantage of you, that's not your fault for not seeing it coming. How could you?" He asked. I mean that is a good question. I looked out of the window. Looking up farther in the sky than we already are.

"I really hope he is finally with my mother. He was always so much happier with her around. That's why he was such a horrible person. He lost a major piece of his heart the day my mother died. I mean I get it. He lost his soul mate." I said. I want to make up excuses. I want to paint him as a good person. I really do.

"That isn't an excuse Baylee. Just becuase he lost his wife, doesn't give him the right to mistreat you. That's not exceptable." Harry said. He has been quiet the whole time. I get what he is saying. I just want to be able to know why. I want to know why me? I want to know why he took his anger out on me so bad.

"I know I just wish I had anwsers on why me." I said. I was looking out of the window again. Remembering times as a kid. The fun family time. That's the guy I'm coming home for, not the guy he has been for the past few years. I want to be able to look past that for now.

"I wish I had that anwser for you, but I don't. I just know I am going to make your future better, I can't change your past...and that hurts me like hell...but I will change your furture." Niall said. I took my attention off the clouds. Looking at him. I know what he is about to say is going to be perfect, and really important. He needed my full attention. He looked nervous. I grabbed his hands, he looked me in the eyes. "Baylee you have changed my life since I met you. The night that I heard you perform. That was magical. The time we had in the bathroom that night, you changed my perspective on everything. You have grown into the women that I love endlessly." I took a deep breath. He said it. HE SAID IT! I smiled. "I love you Baylee Lee Winters." He said.

"I love you Niall James Horan." I said. He closed the space between us with a kiss. This kiss is way more meaningful that any other kiss I have ever had.

On January 15th, 2019 Niall Horan said that he loved me. "Niall." I said, while we were landing.

"Baylee?" He said in more of a questioning tone.

"Guess what today is." I said to him. He looked at me confused.

"It's our half year anniversary. We met this day, I think I count us as dating since that day." I said laughing. I seriosuly do though. We have been romantically involved with each other since we met.

"Is it already?" He asked. I shook my head. "Well it's been the best 6 months of my life." He said. I kissed him one more time before we got off the plane. Now this is where life isn't sunshine and rainbows. This is where I grew up, we are going to have to go to the street my mom passed on. This is where we see family that hasn't asked how I was since she died. They only talk to me when they need something, or to make themselves look better. I have to face them, pretending that they care.

I looked up to Niall as he grabbed my hand. We are in Indianapolis, Indiana. We have an hour and a half until I am where I grew up, I would be lying if I said I wasn't completely terrified. I don't want to go to the house I grew up in. I have to face that neither of my parents will ever be there again. I don't know how I am going to do this. I am so glad that I am not alone.

"Thank you for coming here with me. All of you. It means a lot to me." Niall went to say something but I stopped him. "I do need to thank you, so just shut up and take it." I said causing us all to laugh.

"Baylee, I haven't seen you in a while." I heard a very familiar voice say.

"Hi aunt Mary. It really has been a while hasn't it." I forgot she was the one coming to pick us up. She is one of them that only contacts me when it beniefits them. I'm not mad though, I have been doing just fine on my own...I've had to do it all on my own, since my mom passed. No one was there for me. Until I met Harry, I didn't care to be alone. Now I am super thankful to have them in my life to annoy me to death, because they love me.