Agastya had a past and so did Naina
Agastya had his share of amount of loss and pain and so did Naina
There is one factor which pulls them towards each other "The Unstoppable Attraction"
Will two headstrong people act on that attraction?
Will two br...
I was sitting on my flight to LA, yes I accepted the position and I was going there to get trained. I still remember the time when I kind of got mad of Agastya for his stupid joke and because of my over reacting I tried to make up to him by kissing him before leaving.
That night he called me up and we spoke for an hour
Me: Agastya, I know I over reacted but its also true that I have insecurities and trust issues. I feel like I am not worthy of good things happening to me. I lost my family Agastya, I almost lost Kristie too. I am afraid that I am not in level of all those girls you used to date, I'm afraid that you might lose interest in me because of my rules. I am scared that one day you would get bored of me. When you cracked that joke it kind of bought out all the insecurities I had. I am sorry for the over reacting but I really wish I could just let go and throw caution to the wind. I wish I could losen up.
Agastya: Hey don't worry, we are just beginning our relationship. Think of it as an arranged marriage scenario. Its obvious that you would get scared considering your past and my ladies man behaviour. Look I cant change it okay ? I was looking for solance , satisfaction and the feeling of being complete, but that never happened. I got drunk to forget my emptiness and I fell in arms of those women to erase my guilt, regret, pain and loneliness. I was never satisfied, but now just having someone to talk to, to listen and understand you. Some one who would make you fly in euphoria and someone who can also keep you on ground. Some one whose smile soothes you and someone whose sobs you could relate too. I found that in you, you know the pain of losing your loved ones, I have seen that when I lost my wife and my unborn kid. I lost my in laws love and trust they had in me. I know how it feels when people lose trust in you or when you lose trust in something.
I lost trust that I could find someone or I could be at peace before you. I saw a chance with you and I took it because I am a dare devil challenging the whole world. You are the person who abides by the rules, restrictions etc. Together we can find sanity, together we could smile, together we have that burning passion. I am still a broken man, I don't think I could ever love someone, I wake up at night because I dreamed about that day where I saw my wife surrounded by her own blood, her skin filled with scars and her life taken away from her. I still am I love with the memories I had of her. I still love her that's the truth but when I saw you I wanted to give myself a chance, I wanted to come out from the darkness I have surrounded myself in.
Our relationship is all about accepting each other flaws I cant love you but I can give you happiness. You have the ability to care about people and love them but you cannot trust them or yourself. Dont you think we are made for each other?
Me: I know we both just fit in and get along well, but would this initial passion, spark and the care we have for each other enough for a relationship ?
Him: Dont you think its worth a try ? What do we have to lose ? We already lost our loved ones, we were both leading a robotic life but why not come together and give it a shot for our happiness. I care about you Naina and I feel the peace with you I feel warmth, please dont leave me out cold.
Me: You know that no girl would like to agree to this right ? A relationship where there is a possibility that a person might not love you back? I know the truth Agastya but I dunno why I cant back out, I feel so foolish sometimes that I curse myself for giving up on love
Him: Love is hurtful and painful. It gives nothing but hurt, regret and pain. Its better to be away, the main things which a person needs is physical satisfaction, mental peace and respect for the relationship that they carry with the spouse. I promise you would have all those things, dont you think love is overrated, it raises your expectations, it hurts you when the other dont meet that but if you are in a practical and realistic relationship, you have that mutual respect, understanding and spark. You keep an open mind, you know each other flaws, you would have that respect and value. You wont depend on each other too much that it suffocates each other and you wont burden each other with your thoughts , feelings and hopes. Please tell me you are understanding what I am saying ?
Me: Agastya I do understand that but cant you accept that there could be a day where we could fall in love with each other and yet give each other the space, freedom and peace which we need while still having the spark ?
Agastya: I cant give you false hope Naina, I like you, I respect you, I value your ambitions. I love to spend time with you. I love sleeping in your lap, I love our kisses and make out sessions. I love to look at you , I love to keep you happy, I love to wait to make love to you and I would love to see you follow your dreams but I dont know I could ever fall in love with you. I am so sorry.
I tried to take deep breathes calming myself. I feel like I could burst out into tears anytime. What do I dont have ? I have a guy who is promising me all the happiness, satisfaction and peace in the world but the possibility of not experiencing the passionate love broke me.
I hung up the phone saying I am sleepy now and he wished me a good night
The whole night I was processing the whole thing but couldn't come to a conclusion. I have decided that I needed some time away from him to decide. Normally it would only take me few seconds to say no to this kind of proposal but its Agastya, and I really do like him. I feel like I could have a future with him. I could have that state of belongingness and peace with him but could I really be strong and take this up when I know that I am not lucky enough to be loved by someone ?
That was the question which was bugging me all night, next day I booked my tickets LA and he dropped me off at the airport. There was a silence between us but we had a lot of things to say, I wanted to wail at my destiny while he was requesting me to give us a chance with his deep brown eyes which was a bit teary now. May be I could give it a chance but may be I might say no. Agastya kissed me on my forehead while pulling me close to him and I couldnt help but hold him too for few seconds before moving away. He let me go with reluctance, I pulled my luggage with me to leave. I turned back one last time and waved him goodbye before walking away.
Why are good byes this sad?
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