Life of lies

Chapter 43 - In my head

Aria POV

Humming melodies, I rock Austin as he laid in his crib.

"Oh my sleeping child, you've grown so wild, when you sleep you roll---"

"Mommy time huh?" Carl's voice causes me to flinch a little.
He stops behind me.
I smile  up at him.

"He's not yet asleep" I reply.

"Hmm...he was probably waiting for me. Right Austin" he just giggles in reply.

It doesn't take long before Austin actually falls asleep. I just sat there, admiring every inch of him.

"You've been quietly admiring him for half an hour now"
Carl's voice snaps me out of my thoughts.

"He's really cute, I feel like I should just hold him forever and never let him go" I reply.

"You can always do that"

"How so?"

"You can...I don't mean to rush this relationship.....it's all your choice...you can move in....if you feel like.....like... I mean--" he's so cute when he's nervous. I stop his rambling with my lips.
My hands run slowly through his hair.
I softly nibble on his lower lip, before breaking the kiss.

"Relax" I brush my lip on his, something I have gotten used to.
"I won't object moving in, I'll do it, all for my baby, the one I love" i feel his lips curve in a smile "Austin" I chuckle as I take a step back from him, turned and headed to his room.

~~~~~~

The next morning, I wake up to gently fingers fumbling with my hair.

"Mhmm" I smile as I look up at Carl who was playing with my hair.

"Good morning love" he kisses my forehead. "Did I wake you up?"

"Nah.. I was actually enjoying it" I admit, as I take hold of his T-shirt.

"Really? I never would have guessed."

"What's the time?" I ask.

"9:15 am. Why?"

I abruptly sit up. "Shit! I have to go to work" I take off the cover me and headed to the bathroom, I suddenly became conscious of my attire.
Carl's T-shirt didn't really do a good job in covering my legs. It practically bunched up above my hips.

~~~~~~

"Ma'am, there's a lady who wants to fill in for the assistant head designer
outside" my secretary tells me.

"May I see her designs?" I ask.

"Oh yeah, I'll just ask her"

Few seconds later she comes back in with a book.
After looking over it, it's pretty impressive.

"This is actually impressive. Let her come in"

"Yes ma'am"
I don't know what I expected, but I was expecting to see anyone but Kelly.

"Kelly?"  I raise my brows.

"Aria? What are you......" She trails off

I clear my throat, switching back to professional mode.

"Are you the applicant?"

"Y...yes"

I lean back into my chair.
Why should it be her? I thought she was already out of our lives.

"I must say, your designs are....impressive. I'll give you that credit" I say.

"Thank you" she smiles.

"But...I'm sorry I can't give you this job" I finish.

"Wait. What?! Why?!"  She frowns.

Why?
Why am I even declining her?
Granted, I need designers like her, but.....

But what?
She might interfere in my personal life.
Carl already paid her off, working here, she'll be close to me and I don't want that.
I don't want anyone to take Carl or Austin from me.
I'll protect them with my life, if that's what it takes.

"There's another person I have in mind for the job."

"Is there? Or you don't just want me? Why? Is it because you're scared I might take Carl from you?"

"Miss Grimm, don't mix business with your personal life"

"No! I will, because that's exactly what you're doing, do I will. Why won't you give me the job? Is it because you're too insecure? or because you know Carl deserves better?" My grip on my pen tightens.

"Miss Grimm, I'm not hiring you, you can leave now" I reply.

"This is not fair! I deserve this job! I won't allow this all because of an insecure boss!"

"Get out" I calmly say.
My patience is growing thin by the minute.

"Carl deserves better than this. I can't believe he settled for a divorcee"

I stand to my feet, ready to unleash my anger, but remembered that's what she wanted, so instead I called the security.

"There's a maniac in my office"

Not up to a minute later, my door slams open, revealing two muscular security guards.

"Take her out" I gesture to Kelly.

After she's taken out, a slouch on my chair.

"Attention seeking maniac"

~~~~~

"You've been oddly quiet ever since you got back. What's the matter?" Carl asks.

"Kelly came to my office today"

"What? Why?"

"Is Kelly a designer?"  I ask, turning to face him.

"Yeah, I remember her saying that. Why?"

"She came to apply for a job" I inform him.

"And?"

"Of course I didn't hire her, so she got mad and began spitting hateful words at me"

He sighs, massaging his forehead, something he does, when he's trying to calm himself down.

"I'm really sorry about that"

"No...no problem. I won't let her words get to me" I reply, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Come here" he pulls me closer to him and reacts his chin on my head.

"I love you, Aria"
My body stiffens and my breath hitches.

Did I hear him correctly?

Granted, we're in a relationship, but he hasn't exactly said those words before.
I don't want to rush things and in the end, I'll end up looking like the clingy idiot.

I don't even know how to reply. Yes, I have accepted my feelings for him.
I know I love him, but am I ready to openly accept it?

"You don't have to say anything. I just want you to know that. I love you so much and nothing can ever change that"
I feel tears well up in my eyes.
I have never felt the truthfulness of that word till now.

Alexander used to say it, but he only did so because he didn't want me to get angry or suspect him.
Sometimes I feel he only wanted me for my body, money and influence and nothing else.
The only time he always repeated those words were whenever we had sex.
The Fool
He'll rot in jail

Wait
Why am I even thinking about that fool?
Gosh! I need to stop.

I raise my head to meet the eyes of Carl. Since I'm not ready to reply yet, I do the next best thing.
I kiss him.
A passionate kiss, which I hope, showed how I really feel about him.

God! I need him, I really love him, but I have to fucking restrain myself and what I feel.

I really hope all these things, these words, these actions, these strong feelings are not just in my head.