Faded (Published Under TDP Publishing House)

Chapter Four

I frown thinking and worried about what to do. I wasn't on my normal thinking now, I was shaking dahil sa kaba. I really hit it accidentally. Cross my heart. I never did that on purpose, that was a pure accident. Nakapikit kong ihiniga ang aking ulo sa mesa. Bumuntong hininga ako ng kay lalim. It was like his name was a curse to me. Whenever, I will saw him neither hear his name I will be at the sort of bad luck o di naman kaya'y mapapahiya ako.

The pounding force of my heart coincides with the tik-tak sound of the clock. And I think it is even more louder. It was as if it sounded like a crushed drum that in its high volume I was frightened and disgusted to hear. Bumalik ako sa pagkakaayos ng upo and closed my eyes to calm down. For the five cycles of inhaling and exhaling dumilat ako.

What am I going to do now?

Sinapo ko ang aking noo. Balik na naman ako sa pagiging problemado. My mind is already hurting mentally.

"I-remove mo dali!" Natataranta na rin siya. Mabilis pa sa isang minuto ko itong napindot. Ang tanga ko naman sa part at hindi ko naisip iyon. "Ikaw kasi, nagpapadala ka sa tukso,"

She's scolding me now. Parang kasalanan ko pa. I twisted my lips and smirk, kasalanan ko rin naman kung bakit ako nagpauto sa isang 'to. Now I regret stalking him. Yeah I'd saw his succulent body pero kabaliktaran naman nito ang sinapit kong kahihiyan. I rolled my eyes. Siya rin naman kasi ang may pakana ng lahat ng ito, kung hindi niya lang sana ako pinilit hindi sana ito mangyayari. Kahihiyan na naman ito sa 'kin.

I'm not that desperate to get Sir Eric besides alam ko rin namang hindi niya ako magugustuhan, hindi ako yung tipo niya, but this girl looks like pertaining something that I can't understand. Parang may pinapahiwatig ang mga kinikilos niya.

A variety of 'what ifs' had eaten my mind. With just a blink of my eye another if's will enter. I think my mind was full now pero tumatanggap parin ito.

"Tapos mo na?" She asked again. She didn't even bother to sound sad. Tsk.

"Oo," nakasimangot kong sagot.
What if he is online at such times, What if he will knew this? What if.. what if yes?

"Oh siya, I need to hang up na. Tumatawag si Mama." She said in a hurry. "Nothing to worry, Bra, na-remove mo naman ang react mo,"

My mouth formed a big 'O' and exhale a large amount of deep breath when her line suddenly went off. I thought that was just a joke? What a good friend of mine, she will leave me like this after what happened. I tsk-ed.

Ngayon ko lang napansin na pinagpawisan na pala ako sa mukha kahit naman maaliwalas ang paligid rito sa taas. I shaked my both hands and stood up.

I was just hoping and praying that he won't notice it.

I walked over to the flat bar of the balcony and set up my hands there. I closed my eyes again and felt the cold breeze to reduce the tension I was feeling. I lingered standing in there, enjoying the warmth. Bumalik lang ako sa table ng nanumbalik na ang normal kong nararamdaman.

After I exit the page, isinarado ko na ang laptop ko at tumungo na sa loob. I'm not in the mood to sleep yet because I'm still too full. I covered my thigh with my white comforter while sitting in Lotus position. I tilted my head on the headboard and turned on my flat screen tv to watch the series I saved on my netflix account.