Cross My Heart I'm Dead

Chapter 42

Alexis'/Astrid's P.O.V

It's been a long day and I can honestly say that I am exhausted. This new life thing is really frustrating as well. It seems that all I've managed to do is leave behind my home and friends but drag the gang business here with me. I guess it's true that there's no such thing as a fresh start. Come to think of it, I also miss Jed and my dad, sure they hated me and we didn't get along but they were still family. I feel like things are much worse than they're letting on. Ben is never a violent person, not for no reason at least. There has to be a reason for him being so violent and what's with them popping up so frequently? I thought that I'd see them once every 3 months or so. I sighed and rolled over in my bed to face where Derek had taken his refuge after everyone left.

"Derek? What's really going on?" I asked, my voice laced with sleep.

"Be more specific," he mumbled, not even bothering to open his eyes. I knew he'd be awake. He's barely asleep during the night.

"Why was Jed calling you before?" I asked him, trying to solve one thing at a time.

"Sam, Drake's brother, was associating with someone from the Jester gang. Sam and Jed got in a fight and your brother said he recognized the lead Jester there in the crowd and he was talking with some guy. He saw Sam talk with them afterwards as well. Jester will be at the championships... I'm sorry but, but I don't want you coming to that anymore... It will most probably end in a gun fight. I don't want you there for that," he spoke as he sat up and leaned against the wall. I could faintly make out him running a hand through his hair and he looked frustrated to say the least. "There's always going to be trouble and fights. Always going to be a risk. I know that. However this is a risk I'm not willing to take. Don't come to that Championship."

"Derek it's-"

"I'm not arguing about this. You aren't coming." I nodded and sighed. He's right, I shouldn't go. I know that he has to and I understand the situation but I wish I didn't. I wish he wasn't a part of this. That he didn't have to live each day knowing he could be murdered at any second. Although, this life was his choice, and he wouldn't ask for anything more.

"Why is Ben so worked up?" I asked him, changing the topic to my second inquiry.

"Honestly, I don't know. I guess things are just getting more complex, more stressful. This stuff will never be resolved. There'll always be another argument, another fight, another death, another hunt. There isn't an end to it and we can never call for an actual truce. I think Jester set their sights on you because they were bored and they wanted something to go after. But that's just it, isn't it? We're always going to be bored and as a result we're always going to seek trouble. It's not like we have a future elsewhere. I gotta say, I miss the old days.

There's some trouble 'round here as well.... Although it's nothing worth considering. That's why I've been able to come by so much. Sometimes I wish it will all be over, but then, what would I do? I've got nothing. This is my life, and I'm okay with it. I'm not okay with it being pointless. They're running out of things to do so they're starting more fights, causing more chaos, recruiting more messed up and rundown kids who have no more hope for the future- if they even have a future, that is.

It's best you don't get involved... You aren't in danger and they haven't yet come after you and I'd like to keep it that way. We'll tell you if it's getting out of hand but for now its best you carry on living as Astrid, the normal school girl." Derek said. There was a long silence after his speech. I almost forgot exactly what it was like to be with the guys all the time, to be caught up in all the action and the chaos. There's not much to say anymore. I understood what he meant and there was nothing that could change the reality of this life.