Dearly Beloved

-->Five

Doubts have been invading my mind for the last few days.

I've been wondering how you do it?

Asking myself how you make me want to love you.

Wondering if the same effect you have on me, is what you have on other girls.

~~

A few days ago I felt what being heartbroken felt like without realizing it.

I felt terrible for what Ana did to you.

Did she not realize that she was hurting you Dearly Beloved?

Did she not see the pain in your eyes when she spat those words out?

Didn't she figure she had wronged you?

Was she not aware of what I felt?

I felt as if my eyes had been on the verge of exploding with sadness.

My heart felt intoxication of anger as soon as you froze.

My lungs had a shortage of oxygen, suddenly making my breathing, stop.

And the cells in my body felt, dead.

My heart screamed at me. Screamed go! go, help him! Go tell him you love him. Tell him she's not worth it. Tell him what you won't dare!

My God knows life is useless unless you know how to live.

You couldn't do that. You locked yourself up. For two days I didn't see you. For days you pretended. Pretended to be fine. Pretended to be sick just so you wouldn't face that problem, which was, Ana.

Then you came back on Friday. And you weren't yourself.

You didn't smile.
You avoided talking.
You couldn't communicate.
You weren't you.
You didn't laugh.
Your teeth didn't dazzle with the light.
You didn't talk to me Dearly Beloved.
And that broke me more.

Mom told me.
She warned me.
Said 'don't ever love someone more than they love you'
I didn't listen.
Now look at me.
Look at where I'm standing.
I'm at your feet.
I'm dying of exhaustion.
At the fact that you can't love me.
At the fact I disobeyed a rule that would possibly almost kill me at some point.

I made myself do what was supposed to not be done.
I made the mistake I wasn't supposed to.
I didn't follow the rule that would cause my heart to come to a stop.

~~