Dearly Beloved

--> Nine

I've never had this feeling.
It's a strange feeling, really.

It's a feeling in which I wanna have you close to me and hug you so tight you'd feel like you belong with me.

With that all at once I want to have you close, smash your fears and get drunken off your tears. Just so you knew you weren't alone.

But I also want to have you close and hurt you so much you'd wish you had paid attention to me earlier.

Confusion is so little compared to what I'm feeling.

~~

I'm lying on my bed.
Alone.
Staring up at my ceiling.
Thinking.
Wondering.

Ezra there's a sudden knock on my door.

Mom. I answer.

There's someone who wants to talk to you.

I questioned her, are you sure it's me they wanna talk to?

There's not another Ezra here is there?

How stupid am I?

I'm coming. I say back.

I walk down the stairs and immediately regret it.

I regretted it when I saw your face.
Your dear face.
You seemed dull.
Worn out.
Tired.
Sad.

Dearly Beloved, I wanted to run to you and hug you.
Tell you it would all be okay.
Tell you I'm here for you.
Let you know you're not alone.
Tell you that 'I love you.'

I put my head down in a cowardly manner.

Hello I said.

Hi Ezzy. Even your voice was tired.

What brings you around? I questioned.

I'm sorry for showing up like this. I had to talk to you.

I turned towards my mom. She was no longer there. Follow me. I told you.

You followed me to my back door. I guided you passed the glass doors and onto the porch. I sat in a chair and signaled for you to sit.

You took a seat. I'm so sorry for leaving you like that Ezzy. I shouldn't have.

No-

Please let me finish Ezzy. That day I felt horrible not only for what I did to you, but also for what Ana told me.

What-

She said I wasn't good enough for her. She told me someone treated her better. Someone loved her more. She made me feel so worthless Ezra. She made me seem useless. I've never felt that way.

I flinched when I heard you say my real name. It's-

It's heartbreak Ezzy. My heart shattered. It tore apart. I had a feeling of impotence. And when I talked to you, all of that came back and I left before I did something I'd regret. I'm sorry. You stood up.

Suddenly your feelings reflected off to me. The feeling of impotence was what I felt. And I suddenly felt mad. At myself. I looked up to you. Is that why you came? Because you felt mad at yourself. My... you must really have had your conscious driving you insane. You had me thinking I had done something wrong for days, for nothing? Without thinking, I myself stood up and hugged you. To my surprise you hugged me back without thinking about it. No one had done that with me.

And for once I felt complete.

~~