Dearly Beloved

--> Sixteen

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Max wasn't gone. He couldn't be! Why not me? Why wasn't I the one to go?

God Almighty was my refuge before, but now he was my worst enemy.

He was the one who had taken you from me.

He was the one that had inflicted such a pain that I felt weak to the bone.

He'd given me EVERYTHING, for a moment that was, and had taken EVERYTHING when my happiness was at its highest point.

~~

It'd taken days for mom and dad to convince me it wasn't my fault.

They still hadn't but it was better to make them feel as if they had.

Everything was dark.

I could see nothing.

And at some points I convinced myself it was better this way.

This way, I didn't have to see things that reminded me of you.

This way, I didn't have to breathe images of beauty and admiration that led me to you.

This way, I didn't have to face a world, an empty world without you.

The world is filled with such wonderful things Ezra, with opportunities that come to you from everywhere. You might as well learn to take them. These were words you had said to me before. These were words that roamed through my mind. These words are my only motivation to this point.

You were my one and only. You are my one and only.

~~

On the night of this tragedy you told me, Ezzy, no matter what happens you will always be the first girl I truly love.

Somehow you knew this would happen.
Somehow you knew I would loose you. Somehow we both knew.
I knew because everything was too good to be true that night. EVERYTHING.

How am I supposed to live without you?
How will I be able to be fine when you can't be here with me, by my side to help me.

How?

~~

I feel impotent. I feel useless. I feel incomplete.

I feel like a puzzle with an incomplete piece. The last piece needed, in this case, was you.

But Dearly Beloved, we should soon find each other.

My plan was not to be without you.

You hadn't left until you made sure I was okay.
Till your very last breath you protected me.
Till your very last breath you loved me.
Till your very last breath you taught me.
Till your very last breath you made me feel complete.

But now you're gone. And I'm alone.

I'm blind.

I'm blind physically.

I'm blind mentally.

I'm blind in the most painful, crucial way.

I am no longer Ezra Gordon, completed by Max Harris.

I am INCOMPLETE, UNHAPPY Ezra Gordon, needing Max Harris to be completed.

Completion is my biggest desire.

~~