Immediately, I feel my chest tighten. I can hear my heart beat in my chest, louder than a thousand horses running by. Suddenly, the bed I'm in becomes huge, everything growing around me. I'm shrinking into myself. Every noise, every word said becomes a loud blur. A chair scraping across the floor is suddenly the loudest noise I've ever heard. My breathing is not normal, I can feel myself start to hyperventilate. I can feel Kirstie's warm hand on my cheek, her salty tears dripping onto my face. She climbs next to me in my bed and pulls me into her, and I start to feel calmer. My breathing slows, my chest begins to loosen up. Everything around me returns to normal.
"Mitch," I hear a soft voice say, and Kirstie looks up at me, her dark green eyes laced with tears.
"I'm sorry, I don't know what happened. Sorry,"
"You had a panic attack. I would recognise one anywhere."
"What did Avi say, about..." I can't even bring myself to say his name. The word is toxic, laced with guilt.
"I don't know, I hung up. I was more worried about you!" I start to cry again. It's my fault, but who is going to know that? Kirstie is worried about me, I'm worried about Avi, and the rest of his family. Avi's mother is a lovely lady, she's going to be crushed. She doesn't deserve that. It's all my fault.
"Hello?" Kirstie says into her phone, I didn't even notice it was ringing.
"Yeah, of course you can come over. You must be hurting, aw Avi," I panic as soon as I hear the name. He's going to know it was my fault. I may have bruises to prove that his brother hurt me, but he has a dead brother to prove that I am the worst human being alive. It doesn't take long before I'm crying again. Kirstie rubs my shoulder, and I choke out a few words between sobs.
"Stop with *gasp* the sympathy *gasp* It's all *gasp* my fault," I can barely see her through the salty water in my eyes, but I know she's looking at me pitifully. I know my Kirstie.
"You know that's not true sweetie,"
"YES it IS! He told me that if I left him then he was going to...do that. And I left Kirstie, I fucking left. It's my fault. It's all my fault. It's my fault" I repeat those three words over and over until they become a tangled mess in my head. I hear a knock downstairs and Kirstie's mum yelling, and heavy footsteps up the stairs, but it's all so loud. I cover myself with the duvet, hoping that it will be quieter under there.
"Avi, oh sweetie!" I hear her pad across her bedroom and I hear him sigh. She must be hugging him.
"I can't believe he's gone. He left a note, but it didn't explain much. God, I just- it's so strange. I cried earlier but now I'm too shocked to cry any more. My mum has her friends round comforting her and she wanted me out so I came here. I don't want to cry any more, you know? I'm a sixteen year old boy, I don't want this to affect me. Oh, and you know the worst part? The note he left had 5 words on it. Nothing for me or my mum or anything else. All it said was "This is for you, Mitch." God, I'm so mad. When I read the note, I burst into tears again. He's my friend, Kirstie, and it's his fucking fault my brother is-" I shrink further into the duvet. He blamed me. I knew it was my fault, and now Avi will hate me. I hear him crying again, and I pull the duvet from over my head. Kirstie gives me a warm smile, and slowly I sit upright. I had completely forgotten about the bruises and the pain until now, but I sit up anyway. I hiss as I hit my bruised elbow on the headboard of the bed, and that causes Avi to look up from his hands and at me. Firstly, he stares coldly at me for a second, then up at Kirstie.
"Why is he here," he spits.
"I would tell you but you wouldn't believe me. I'm hurt, is all." He stands straight at narrows his eyes at me.
"What did you do to my brother?" Kirstie steps forward and pulls him back slightly.
"Avi, ple-"
"No, Kirstie," He interrupts, "I want to hear it from him."
"I didn't do anything!"
"LIAR!" He shouts, and quick as a flash, he's on top of me, his hands around my neck. I scream, mostly from the fact that he's sat on my stomach, his brothers favourite place to hit. Kirstie screams to, and she grabs Avi's hands from my neck.
I knew it was my fault.
He won't believe my side of the story now.
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Hope you enjoyed I guess? Idk haha. Cool.
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If Only...(Scömìche)
Romance"If only I'd waited..." Mitch Grassi is in High School, surviving only with the help of his best friends, Kirstie and Scott. But when Mitch unwittingly gets into an abusive relationship with his schoolboy crush and tragedy strikes, will Mitch's guil...
