troubled | e.d.

thirty-five

ethan

august 1

the last ten days of july blew by so quickly that i didn't even realize my trial is in 13 days. tessa's been doing a good job keeping my mind occupied, and richard and hargrove have been working relentlessly to try and prove my innocence.

they say i'm being tried fore two things:
attempted murder and pre-mediated assault with serious bodily injuries

neither of which are true.

i wrote a letter to my sister and promised myself i'd give it to richard for him to mail, just for one last try. but it stays in my car glovebox, never going to be sent out probably ever.

if the judge isn't going to make her get up on that witness stand, she won't.

my mom and brother are coming down on the tenth to stay down here until the court date. they're both extremely worried, and i had to pretend like i wasn't just to calm them down a little.

things with grayson aren't bad— they just could be better. he's my mom's favorite, and i was always more of my dad's favorite. it makes me wonder what he would think of me now.

tessa plops herself in the seat across from me in the break room, and i look up from my phone to see her smiley face.

"hi," i say, turning my phone off and laying it on the table.

she reaches for my hands across the table and leans in excitedly, looking around to see if people are coming. lunch was an hour ago, so no one should be out of their office.

"i have a secret."

i give her a funny look. "what kind of secret?"

"i heard my dad talking over the phone to hargrove. couldn't make out any words, but his voice was genuinely hopeful."

sighing, i begin to say, "tessa, i really appreciate it, but—"

"no. stop," she cuts me off. "i'm not letting you completely give up."

"i have no one on my side."

"you have me," she whispers, eyes wide and innocent.

"i know, i know," my face softens. "but just you, your dad, hargrove, and barely my mom and brother."

"well that's all you need," she states, sticking her nose up. 

i smile barely, but it's there.

ever since the night in the sunflower field, i'm sure of my feelings and how they go deeper that what i'm letting on.

i love her.

my chest sinks when i realize that if i told her now, it would only result in making everything worse in case i lose in court.

"hey," she says suddenly, snapping her fingers and breaking me from my trance at the table. i look up, and she leans back in her seat.

"what?"

with a devious smile, her arms cross over her white blouse and she says, "wanna throw water balloons off the roof?"

"tess," i laugh. "why would you even ask that..." her face frowns, but i'm not done. "... when you know i'll say yes."

the bright glimmer is back, and she's suddenly back on her feet, tugging me through the halls and into the coffee bar where next to the sink is a bucket and a bunch of balloons.

we've filled the bucket up with water and failed miserably at tying a couple balloons when richard walks by, whistling a little. he sighs, back tracks, and sticks his head into the coffee bar.

he eyes the bucket, balloons, and our guilty faces.

"do i even want to know?" he asks, clearly tired.

i open my mouth to speak, then close it again. finally, i ask, "is it illegal to throw water balloons off a roof at people?"

he crosses his arms over his chest, leaning against the doorframe as he genuinely thinks about it. "depends on if it's actually water in the balloons. if it's not and they're allergic to it, that could be attempted murder. also, if the roof is taller than—"

"way to suck the fun out of it," tessa groans, slapping the deflated balloon back on the counter.

"get back to work," he says to the both of us in a serious, but also playful manner. right as he starts to walk away and we begin to dump the bucket, he snaps his fingers and turns back around.

"ethan," he points at me. i raise an eyebrow. "are you available tonight at 6?"

"i mean... yeah?"

"you like pizza?"

i eye him curiously. "yes."

"what kind?"

"pineapple..." tess and i both reply together, the same confused, cautious tone.

"ew," he wrinkles his nose.

"didn't need the judgmental looks. what's this for?"

"yeah, what's this for?" tessa repeats, clearly as in the dark as i am.

richard sighs a little, then leans off the door frame. "you should come over for dinner."

"oh?" i raise my eyebrows. "what, do you want to talk about some things to bring up in court to prove my innocence?"

there's a slight pause. "no."

tessa side eyes him nervously, draining the bucket of water. "so... just for dinner?"

"sure, why not?" he shrugs.

ah, i get it. this isn't about me— it's about me and tessa.

"i'll be there," i nod, and he leaves.

tessa turns to me, slightly surprised but overall happy. "what's gotten into him? it's like he's suddenly accepting."

"i don't know about that," i scratch the back of my neck. "but he's trying, i think. that's good news."

she seems to think about it for a minute, then eventually nods approvingly. "yeah, i would say so."

i check the time on my watch and curse under my breath. "i have to go help mary-anne with some filing, but i'll see you later, okay? don't leave the parking lot until i've said goodbye."

she smiles when i kiss her cheek and brush past her, heading to mary-anne's office before i'm late and she starts glaring at me— per usual.

when i get into the filing room and begin messing with the papers, i glance up at the clock on the wall, counting down the hours until the dinner.