troubled | e.d.

forty-three

ethan

"i love you."

both of us blink back in surprise, and i almost wonder if i hallucinated her saying it too.

she did say it, right?

i don't have much time to register her moving up to kiss me, but i immediately place a hand on her waist and the other cupping her cheek.

this one feels different.

like love.

it's not rushed or playful, but rather sensual, soft, and sweet. just how i picture her to be.

she detaches her lips, taking a breath and i pull my head back a little, still holding onto her.
"did i hear you correctly?"

she smiles just a little, running her thumb over my cheek. "only if you heard three words that i've been dying to tell you ever since you danced with me in a sunflower field."

"i loved you then and i love you now," i whisper as i move in to kiss her again.

i feel her shudder underneath my touch, and i most definitely have goosebumps too.

both of our lips go back to doing what they do best, and it surprises me when she gently grabs my bottom lip between her teeth.

my hand snakes up her side figure, and she sharply inhales.

i pull back, licking my lips before saying, "i... i didn't meant to assume anything or—"

"yes."

"what?"

she nods her head, eyes looking a little wide and glossed over. "i want to do it."

"are you sure?" i question, feeling a little skeptical that she would show up out of the blue, tossing her virginity in my hands.

"i love you," she says again, kissing my lips shortly but sweetly. "and i promised myself that i'd at least wait until i was in love."

a smile takes over my face as i pick her up by the waist, ignoring her small little squeal as her legs wrap around me, and carry her to my room.

i set her on my bed before taking an unnoticeable deep breath and retreating back to close the door. it clicks softly, and i turn back to see her staring innocently up at me.

"so, here's the deal, you tell me to stop and i will. i don't care how far we are, you say the word and it's done, okay?" i say.

she nods, looking at me up and down.

she scoots back on the bed as i near, putting one knee down on the soft mattress and placing my hands on her shoulders to relax them.

they feel tense, but loosen a little when i push down on them.

"relax, angel," i mumble, using my nose to tip her chin up and begin placing soft kisses on her neck.

"i'm nervous," she admits, letting her hair spill back.

i shake my head, bringing it back up and tilting her chin down. running my finger along the outline of her bottom lip, i say, "don't be nervous."

i'm surprising myself immensely with how gentle and careful i'm being. i've never ever been like this with a girl, so i guess it's kind of a new experience for the both of us.

my hands reach for the bottom of her shirt, and i meet her eyes to see if it's okay.

she nods eagerly, already trying to tear it off.

"slow down," i laugh lightly. "if we go slower, it will relax you more."

tessa breathes deep.

"is this what you want?" i ask again softly.

"yes," she whispers back, slinging her arms around my neck and pulling me in until we're touching foreheads.

her eyes are nervous, but excited. i know that as soon as i'm certain she's enjoying it, i can focus on enjoying it to the fullest too.

reaching over to my nightstand, i grab the needed protection and set it down beside us on the bed.

"we go at your pace," i mumble into her lips as i begin to lift the shirt up and over her head.

she begins to relax more and more as i talk slowly, and the my mind is whirring with thoughts that this is a dream and i'll just wake up from it at any moment.

but no. not at all.

because right now, she's vulnerable. she's loved. she's beautiful.

and she's mine.