Unspoken Desire (Completed)

Sana Is Pregnant

Sana sat on the bus stop recalling when she had her periods. She counted the days since then. It's almost two months. She got scared now. A low grade nausea had been with her for so many days. She was exhausted all the time and also had painful breast. She caught an auto and rushed home calling Preeti on her way and informing she won't be coming for work today. She stopped at the Medical store and purchased a pregnancy kit. It's a waste of money she told herself. She and Sid had made love so money times but it was only ones without protection, when her mom had called and she had pleaded him to not leave her side even to take a packet of condom from where he kept. Fate won't be so cruel. Would it?? She has been too carried away, too overwhelmed by sensation and grief. In the bathroom she stared at the test results. Be negative, she willed and prayed. Be negative. Her hands shook as she waited for the results. She squinted in the dark bathroom. Would there be one line or two?? She thought the lines start to form. She couldn't see. She ran into the room to a window. She looked at the test. Negative. It would be negative. It would be negative.... Two lines. Oh my God. Two lines. Positive. She was pregnant. Pregnant with Siddharth Shukla's child. Her body shivered. She felt numb and didn't know if she should be happy or sad. But she was definitely frightened. Why did this happened?? Sana sat on bed for many hours feeling as if she is carrying some very heavy weight on her shoulder. The burden of that weight was making her shoulder ache. She got up went to the bathroom and took a hot shower. But the pain from her shoulder didn't ease. She came and sat on the couch. Aunty came to her room.
Aunty: Sana kya hua?? Tu wapas aa gayi??
Sana: Kuch nhi aunty thek nhi lag raha hai.
Aunty: To doctor paas chalte hai na.
Sana: Nahi nhi aunty abhi tablet khayi hai. Thoda soo lungi to thek feel karungi.
Aunty: Accha thek na lage to shaam me doctor ke paas chale chalenge.
Sana: Thek hai.
What was she going to do now?? How was she going to tell Sid?? He was so far away. Should she wait for him to come back?? How is he going to react. She was thinking about Sid's reaction, but does she wants this responsibility?? This baby?? Siddharth's baby. Her hand automatically went to her stomach as if wanting to protect it. How did she get into this mess. Sid has never said he loved her. He had made passionate love to her. He had touched her soul with his love and care, he had made her laugh. He had been her first. But never once said he loved her. He has said he wants time. Time for what?? To think whether he loves me or not. But love comes naturally right?? Then what did he need time for?? She was being over sensative. She told herself. She didn't knew when she fell into a deep sleep and woke up to aunty voice.
Aunty: Sana char baj rahe hai. Tu bahot gehri neend me soyi the isleye uthaya nhi. Kaise lag raha hai ab tuje?? Kuch kaa le na beta.
Sana: Ha aunty uthti hu.
She need not tell aunty she is not well, or else aunty will insist on taking her to the doctor. Sana went to the kitchen. She took daal and chapati in her plate. She didn't have the stomach to eat it. But then aunty would ask questions. Came to her room and pushed the food in her mouth. Tears started streaming down her eyes. What was she going to do?? She lay in bed pretending to be ok for Aunty's sake. It was eleven at night. She was desperately waiting for Sid's call. She needed to see him, hear his voice, needed some kind of assurance from him. But Sid did not call that night. She was furious. She needed him now. She cried herself to sleep.
Sana was getting ready. Her phone rang. It was Sid. She didn't pick up the call, as she was angry with him. As she took an auto for work, her mobile started ringing again. She picked up this time still angry.
Sid: Call kyu nhi uthaya moti??
Sana: Sirf tu he busy rehta hai kya?? Tuje lagta hai hum sab yaha valle baite hai??
Sid: Hello hello kya hua?? Itna kyu bhadak rahi hai be??
Sana: Tu jab bhi call kare muje ready rehna chahiye. Hai na?? Matlab tuje jab mann hoga to call karega nhi to nhi karega.
Sid: Ek minute tuje hua kya hai aaj??Maine aise kya bol diya jo tu itna suna rahi hai muje??
Sana: Agar tuje raat ko call karna nhi tha, to Tu ek message daal deta. Mai wait to nhi karti??
Sid: Baby kal raat thoda busy tha.
Sana: Kiske sath?? Rashmi ke sath??
Sid: Kyaa??
Sana: Tu bol raha hai na busy tha?? Isleye pucha kiske sath.
Sid: Tuje agar aise he soochna hai to tu sooch. Ab tere sooch ka mai kuch nhi kar sakta.
He disconnected the call. Sana has never spoken about Rashmi to him in these past days. But him not calling her when she needed him the most has made her angry. She swallowed her pain and entered the studio. She felt like running off somewhere where she could cry her heart out. She wanted to hug him tight and cry as she was scared. She missed him so much now.
Sana removed her mobile and messaged him. " I'm sorry baby. Par mai tuje bahot miss kar rahi hu. Bahot zyada. Muje abhi iss moment tu idhar chahiye. Muje tuje hug karna hai kiss karna hai. Kal raat bhi teri bahot yaad aa rahi the. Isleye gussa ho gayi. Sorry." After few minutes he replied "Muje pata hai baby. Mai samaj raha hu teri haalat. Raat me call karta hu. Aaraam se baat karenge. Bye" Sid called at night. Sana smiled with tears in her eyes.
Sid: Moti tu ro rahi hai ya has rahi hai. Kya hua hai tuje. Gussa karti hai. Rooti hai. Thek to hai tu??
Sana: Mai thek hu. Tu kaisa hai??
Sid: Accha hu. Kaam accha chal raha hai. Morning me itna gussa kyu kiya?? Kabhi kabhi ho jaata hai na baby. Kuch kaam me reh jaata hai call karna. Itna hyper ho gayi tu. Aur fir zabardasti Rashmi ka naam laayi beech me.
Sana: Tu mujse kabhi Rashmi ke baat he nhi karta. Social media pe itna dekhti hu, par tu us baare me kuch nhi bolta.
Sid: Kyuki mai hum dono ke baat karta hu. To Rashmi ke baat kyu karu. Rashmi aur mere baare me to aise tension mat le Aur muje kabhi kabhi call karne na mile to itna gussa mat kar baby. Thek hai?? Chal mai chalta hu. Shoot ke leye jaldi nikalna hai
Sana: Par Siddharth...
Sid: Baby baad me baat kare?? Mai sach me late ho raha hu.
Sid didn't let her speak. He said whatever he wanted to say and left. She didn't feel connected today. Is his attitude towards her changing?? No no she is over thinking. He must be really busy. She went to sleep pacifying herself. After this night Sid stopped calling her regularly. He would call her in the mornings and would say he is between shoots and was always in a rush. His show has broken all records. The SIDRA was loved by millions. They would flirt on the shows and many a times one or the other fan would see them on the roads of the city and click their pictures sending sensation on the social media. She was in such a mess that she would get angry seeing it and then sometimes go to an empty beach and cry loudly so that the pain from her heart eases out. But it won't. She had one night messaged him and plead him to call. He had called
Sana: Siddharth kitna intezaar karna padta hai tere call ka.
Sid: Baby bola tha na maine ke roz call nhi ho paayega. Bahot tight schedule hai yaha ab. Samaj baby.
Sana: Aur sab kaise hai. Rashmi kaisi hai.
Sid: Sab bahot busy hai re. Rashmi bahot acchi ladki hai Sana. Shaayad mai he use galat samaj baita. Kash hum dono ke beech koi problem nhi hue hoti. Bahot afsoos hota hai muje.
Sana: Accha??
Sid: Ha baby. Bahot acchi understanding ho gayi hai hum dono me. Accha chal rakhu baby. Aaj ek promotional shoot hai. Chal bye.
Sana: Ok bye.
Sana felt as if she is being pulled into a dark hole. Deeper and deeper. And she can see only darkness everywhere. Sid was all praises about Rashmi now a days. She felt he was regretting leaving Rashmi.On the show Sid would flirt with Rashmi and Rashmi would blush and Sana would feel a stab in her heart. She had many a times thought of telling Sid about her pregnancy. She didn't knew how he would react. She was scared of his reaction. And she didnt wanted to burden him and give him any stress as he was so far away from home and working so hard. She was not able to decide whether she wants to keep this baby or not. She cannot decide this on her own and if she wanted to abort the child, she cannot do it until she tells Sid about it. The thought of aborting the baby made her nauseous and she had to run to the bathroom to throw up. She has been doing it a lot lately. Smell of tea, coffee or any spices makes her want to throw up. But whenever the thought of aborting the baby comes, her hand would automatically go to her stomach as if to protect it. She had not told anyone yet. She needed to share this with someone. This burden was tiring her. She messaged Preeti. " Tujse kuch baat karni hai. Kal milegi??". Preeti replied after few minutes. " Kal vaise bhi hum dono ka off hai. To lunch pe chalte hai". They met in the near by restaurant. The smell of food making Sana want to throw up.
Preeti: Kya ho raha hai tuje??
Sana: Muje kuch ajeeb ho raha hai. Kahi aur chale??
Preeti: Ajeeb hai tu bhi. Thek hai chal beach pe chalte hai.
They went and sat on the sand. Cool breeze making Sana feel better.
Preeti: Tuje kuch hua hai. Kya haalat ho gayi hai teri. Siddharth kya gaya tere chehre ke puri raunak he chali gayi.
Sana: Preeti mai pregnant hu.
Preeti: Kya?? Kya bola tune??
Sana: I'm pregnant.
They both sat in silence for a long time. Preeti was looking shockingly at Sana. Then she looked away not able to form a sentence
Sana: Kuch bol Preeti.
Preeti: Siddharth ko pata hai??
Sana: Nahi
Preeti: Kyu??
Sana: Preeti vo vaha itne dur hai. Aaj kal to char char din call nhi karta. Bahot busy hai. Aur muje pata nhi vo kaise react karega?? Uska show itna accha jaa raha hai. Mai usse distract nhi karna chahti.
Preeti: Par Sana aise usse na batana sahi hai??
Sana: Mai uske aane ke baad usse bataungi. Vaise bhi aaj kal vo mujse zyada baat bhi kaha karta hai. Jab bhi pucho busy hu kehta hai.
Preeti was worried for Sana. She had also seen Sid and Rashmi's growing friendship, on social media. And now Sana was pregnant with Siddharth's baby. She didn't say anything to Sana, but prayed for her.