Unspoken Desire (Completed)

Struggling With One's Self

    Sana had cried herself to sleep, had woken up at night to go to washroom and had found Sid sleeping next to her. She had not heard him coming into the room. She woke up at the sound of something falling and saw Sid was doing something in his side of the wardrobe. She looked at the clock. It was 8 in the morning. He saw her waking up.
Sid: Sorry maine tuje disturb kiya.
    Sid was not looking directly at her. He had a grim expression on his face.
Sana: Tu kahi jaa raha hai??
Sid: Ha mera ek audition hai aur 2-3 meetings hai. Shaam me late hoga aane me. Tuje kuch chahiye to call karna. Mai chalta hu. Aur ha Maa ne gynac se appointment le hai. Chali jaana Maa ke sath.
Sana: Kyu tu nhi chal raha hai mere sath??
Sid: Bola na muje late hoga. Tu chali jaa Maa ke sath.
Sana: Agar tu nhi chal raha hai, to muje nhi jaana gynac ke paas.
Sid: Ab iska kya matlab hai??
Sana: Mai tere bagair nhi jaaungi.
Sid: Sana yeh kya zid hai. Maine bola na muje late hoga??
Sana: To fir jab tere paas time hoga tab jaayenge.
Sid: Par Maa ne appointment le li hai. Maa ko kya bolenge?? Aur baat vo nhi hai, tu aaj jaayegi.
Sana: Vo jo tuje bolna hai tu bol. Muje nhi pata. Par tu nhi chalega to mai nahi jaane wali.
Sid: Ajeeb hai.
   Saying that  he left the room without a backward glance. She lay in the bed. Her heart was crying. What exactly happened last night that he was not even looking at her directly today. Was she so disappointing. She cried her heart out. Got up took a cold bath. Her body had been on fire since yesterday and he had left her burning sense then. She had to cool herself off. She came out of the shower and saw a message from Sid. " Shaam me panch baje aa jaunga. Ready rehna." Sana smiled reading the message. She will have to ask him what the problem was. Why was he being so cold to her. But does she really wants to know the answer?? She was scared. If the reason was Rashmi it will break her heart. And if it is herself, then too it will break her heart. But she will confront him tonight. She decided. She got ready and went out. It was 8.30. Maa was reading a newspaper.
Sana: Good morning Maa.
Maa: Good morning beta. Siddharth bola tu uth gayi hai. Chal breakfast karte hai.
Sana: Aapne nhi kiya ab tak??
Maa: Nahi tera he wait kar rahi the.
Sana: Are Maa aap kar lete na??
Maa: Are mai karne he wali the, par Siddharth ne kaha tu uth gayi hai to soocha thoda wait kar leti hu. Vo to bagair breakfast ke he chala gaya. Bola bhuk nhi hai.
    Sana didn't respond. She and Maa had breakfast chatting and laughing. Maa told her about the doctors appointment. Sana went to her room and messaged Sid "Breakfast kar lena. Baby bol raha hai" He didn't respond. She then called Moni and chatted with her. She called Preeti.
Sana: Kaisi hai Preeti.
Preeti:  Mai thek hu. Tu bata. Aa gayi Mumbai. Tum logo ke shaadi ki news  ne to social media pe hangama machaya hua hai. Kya lag rahe ho dono. Ekdum made for each other.
Sana: Maine to social media khola he nhi. Pata nhi kya kya hoga us par.
Preeti: Nahi itna bura to nahi hai. Accha he hai. Par kuch log nhi sudarne wale na?? Accha hai tu thode din dekh he mat. Faltu me tension hoga.
Sana: Hmmm. Tu kab aayegi mujse milne??
Preeti: Aati hu next week me.
Sana: Ok thek hai. Bye.
Preeti: Bye.
   Sid came home at quarter to five. Sana was getting ready. He came in the room and went directly to the bathroom. He didn't look at her nor he spoke to her. Sana was very upset now. She wanted to confront him but now was not the time. She got ready and went out and waited for Sid with Maa. Maa was also coming along.
    The journey to and fro the gynac's clinic was a stressful one. The doctor has examined her thoroughly and said that everything was just fine. Her bp was just a little high, for which she had prescribed some medicines and told her to do a sonography. There was a lot of traffic on the road and Sid's temper was increasing by the minute. Sana felt he was very irritating at that point. But she kept mum.
Maa: Siddharth kyu itna pareshaan ho raha hai. Ab traffic hai to kya kar sakte hai??
Sid: Maa usse baita nhi jaata na zyaada der.
Sana: Maa mai thek hu.
Sid: Ha dekh raha hai muje kitna thek hai.
    Sana didn't say anything. She was furious now. Why does he care if I'm comfortable or not?? He has been an ass throughout the trip. It was getting on her nerves now. They entered the house. Sana changed and came out to help Maa to serve dinner. Maa had realised something is again not right between them.
Maa: Kya hua hai tum dono me??
Sana: Maa puri duniya me muje aapka he beta mila tha pyaar karne ke leye.
Maa: Haa hai he mera beta aisa.
Sana: Maa mai serious hu aur aap ko mazaak sujh raha hai??
Maa: Are mai mazaak thodi kar rahi hu. Kyu hai na mera beta lakho me ek??
Sana: Lakho me ek?? Kya hai yeh Maa pura rasta aise gusse me gaadi chala raha tha jaise abhi uthar ke kisi ka khun he kar dega. Khadus
Maa: Sana?? Beta pati hai tera vo ab.
Sana: Pata hai Maa. Par aap bhi maante ho na ke thoda khadus hai vo.
    Maa laughed aloud.
Maa: Pagal. Accha baat kya hai bata muje.
Sana: Kuch nhi Maa.
   Sana went red. She looked at the plates in her hand. Sid entered the dinning hall at that moment.
Sid: Tuje thoda letna chahiye tha na.
    Sana didn't reply. So Sid too went quite. They ate their food in silence. She walked for a while in the balcony. Sid was sitting in the hall switching channels. She could feel his eyes on her. She looked at him and he looked away. Tired she went to the room. It's been an hour, but Sid didn't come to the room. He was still in the hall, watching that idiot box. This made her too anger. Why is he behaving like this. She has lost her cool now. And she marched to the hall. Sid was still sitting in the hall watching some news. Maa was there too. She was engrossed in reading something. Sana went and stood in front of him. He looked up and saw her furious face.
Sana: Siddharth muje tujse baat karni hai. Room me chal.
   He looked away. Not answering.
Sana: Siddharth abhi.
    Saying that she again marched back to the room. Sid looked at Maa.
Maa: Ab tune kya kar diya Siddharth.
Sid: Kuch nhi Maa.
   He ran his fingers in his hair, got up and walked to the room. She was standing in front of the door, with her hands folded to her chest, fuming with anger. She locked the door when Sid entered. Sid knew he was in trouble as soon as he saw her reaction. She pushed him with all her strength to the wall.
Sid: Sana yeh kya kar rahi hai tu??
Sana: Tera problem kya hai??
Sid: Kya matlab??
Sana: Tu aise kyu behave kar raha hai mere sath??
Sid: Kya kar raha hu mai??
Sana: Tu na zyaada ban mat. Tu jaanta hai mai kya bol rahi hu.
   He tried to move away but she again pushed him and stood closer in front of him. He was not looking at her
Sid: Nahi mai nhi jaanta tu kya bol rahi hai.
Sana: Accha?? Thek hai. To muje bata kal tu aise achanak uth kar kyu chala gaya?? Aise kya hua ke tu us waqt se abhi tak nazre nhi mila paa raha hai??
Sid: Jaane de chod na Sana.
Sana: Pehle to tu mujse nazar mila ke baat kar. Aur chod nhi. Muje jaanna hai. Kuch to hua hoga na?? Dekh iske muje do possibilities dekh rahe hai. Ek to tuje achanak kisi aur ki yaad aa gayi ya fir tuje mai bahot unattractive lagne lagi hu.
    Sid looked at her now. Not believing his ears. This is what she was thinking?? Here he was fighting with himself with all his might to control the hunger he was feeling towards her and she was thinking he was finding her unattractive?? O God what kind of joke is this. He was dumbfounded.
Sana: Tu issi leye laaya muje yaha. Isse to acche mai Mashobra me the. Akeli the par tere leye yeh aise tadap nhi rahi hoti na?? Aag lagi hai ander mere Siddharth. Muje tu chahiye. Mai kya karu bata. Yeh to aise hai ke jaise muje bhek mangne pad rahi hai.
   She had tears in her eyes. Sid was astonished beyond words. He took her by her shoulder and almost stopped himself from shaking her. How can she be so annoying. Can't she see anything??
Sid: To tuje lag raha hai ke tu muje attractive nhi lagti?? Sirf tu he mere leye tadap rahi hai?? Tu andhi hai kya?? Tuje pata nhi hai Sana tuje jab se yeh aise pregnant dekha hai na, mai pagal ho gaya hu. You are looking so damn sexy. It's killing me. I want to fuck you dammit. And fuck you hard. I feel I'm losing my senses in the process.
Sana: Siddharth...
   He grabbed her upper arm tightly.
Sid: Muje nhi chahiye?? All I think about is having you. Har jagah. Us bed pe, yeh divar ke against, is floor pe. Sana har second mai apne aap ko tujse dur rakhe ke koshish karta hu. And it's killing me.
Sana: To tu kyu dur jaa raha hai mujse??
Sid: Kyuki yeh tere aur baby ke leye thek nhi hai. Us din agar baby kick nhi karta to pata nhi kya hota.
   Sid moved away from her. As if being near her may burn him to ashes.
Sana: Baby ne kick kiya matlab??
    She came and stood in front of him
Sid: Sweetheart  hamara yeh karna tere aur bacche ke leye kitna dangerous ho sakta hai pata hai??
Sana: Dangerous?? Yeh kisne kaha tuje??
Sid: Kisne kaha matlab, agar karte waqt tuje ya baby ko kuch ho gaya to??
Sana: Siddharth tu pagal hai kya?? Bacche ko ya muje kuch nhi hoga.
Sid: Tuje kaisi pata.
Sana: Kyuki doctor ne bataya.
Sid: Tune doctor se yeh puccha??
Sana: Nahi. Usne khud he bataya.
Sid: Par..
Sana: Tera sada hua chehra dekh kar samaj gayi hogi vo ke tuje kitni zarurat hai uski.
    This bought a smile on his face.
Sid: Sach me doctor ne kaha ke agar karoge to chalega??
Sana: To kya mai jhut bolungi??
Sid: Nahi aise nhi. Par...
    She brought her hand to his cheeck and stroked it. He closed his eyes. He just loved her hand on him. He felt a  wonderful sensation run through his body. She removed her hand and went closer and leaned her body against him. He hugged her pulling her even closer. Her head against his chest felt like heaven. He sat on the couch nearby and made her sit on his lap.
Sana: Siddharth tuje bahot wajan lagega.
Sid: Yeh wajan to zindagi bhar muje chalega pagal.
    Lowering her mouth on his, she kissed him savagely as if punishing him for making her want him so much. He then took control and kissed her with anguish and longing and such tenderness that a little whimper escaped her. The rush that spread through her body was unimaginable.
Sid: Sana, baby are you sure??
Sana: Siddharth please bass kar ab. Irritate mat kar. Muje tu abhi chahiye matlab abhi.
   And Sid liked this bossy Sana.