The lost queen

I allowed my demons to take me over. Again

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We sat in Nicolas' room. He wondered what he would say to what I had done. I know I messed up, but I will always do something to protect my dignity. I was annoyed that he didn't want to say anything, he was just staring at an empty glass and thinking. I had to break the hush.

Me: Say something...

Nicolas: What can I say?! What can I say to such nonsense?

Me: Nicolas...

Nicolas: Do not! I got permission yesterday so you can get the crown, but if Rome hears about this, they'll forbid you from ever getting the crown. And not only in Austria but all over the world.

Me: I am sorry, I was just...

Nicolas: Just what?! And do not apologize to me, you need to apologize to lady Alva.

Me: That bitch?

Nicolas: Sofia, please, cooperate with me.

Me: She insulted me. At one point she made me believe her, but the devil in me would not let me.

Nicolas: You need to calm down!

Me: I am calmed. You are not.

Nicolas: I know!

His eyes were full of tears. I couldn't let him break down. I hugged him.

Me: Everything will be fine.

He shook his head.

Me: Nicolas, do not loose hope. No one will know. We will fix this.

Nicolas: We? This is your fault. You fix this. Before your coronation.

Me: How do you expect me to correct that?

Nicolas: I do not care, just fix it!

Me: Nicolas...

He looked at me evilly. He was violent. AGAIN. I knew how he would react. I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth, waiting for his blow. But he just turned around and gestured for me to leave. I can't leave him like this. I invited Sir George to comfort him.

Sir George: I get it.

Me: Thank you.

I went to the room. Tired of everything. I took off my shoes and threw myself on the bed. I didn't care that I was still wearing a dress or makeup. I didn't even have the strength to turn the other way. I heard someone open the door. I saw Petra.

Petra: I think you need a friend.

Me: I am tired.

Petra: I see. We will talk tomorrow.

I nodded.

Me: Petra?

Petra: Yes?

Me: Can you please turn off the lights?

Petra: Of course.

I fell asleep quickly. I didn't think much of anything. I just wanted to relax.

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I woke up late, in the same position and clothes I was wearing yesterday. I wiped my eyes and realized I was still wearing makeup. When I finally came to, I saw a large suitcase next to my bed, as well as roses on the nightstand. When I looked closer, I also saw Nicolas sitting on an armchair and patiently waiting for me to notice him.