Metanoia

Metanoia 21

Habang nakatingin sa dulo ng silid na aking kinaroroonan, muli akong humakbang.

Two months of comatose took a toll on me. Gumaling man ang mga bali at sugat sa aking katawan habang wala akong malay, nawalan naman ako ng lakas.

"Wow, ang bilis mo naman pong makalakad ulit," nakangiting wika ng batang nakahawak sa railing sa aking tabi.

Tumigil ako at lumingon sa kanya. Sinuklian ko ang kanyang ngiti.

"Mauunahan mo naman ata akong makabalik sa paglalakad nang ayos, e."

Dahan-dahan siyang naglakad para maabutan ako. "Tapos, pupunta po tayo sa amusement park, 'di ba po? Katulad po ng pinangako niyo?"

"Oo naman!"

Sinabayan ko siya sa paglalakad papunta sa dulo ng railing. Habang nagkwekwento siya, nakatingin lang ako sa kanya at tipid na nakangiti.

What a brave girl.

She had a stroke due to her heart defect which she had since she was born, causing her to have restricted movements on her legs.

She sometimes experiences shortness of breath, sudden weakness, and blurred vision, making her different from the other kids her age, but she was not shaken by this.

She continued to live, and to love.

Nang makarating kami sa dulo ay nagpaalam na kami sa isa't isa.

"Bukas ulit, kuya! Babye!"

Lumapit naman ang nurse sa akin na tinutulak ang isang wheelchair, at bumalik na kami sa hospital room ko.

"Hey, don't stress yourself, okay?" sabi ng nurse nang makita niya ang nakatambak na mga papel sa lamesa.

"Okay."

He waved his hand as he went to do his rounds, while I wore my reading glasses and started to read my lessons.

As I was setting up my laptop to do a written report, someone knocked and opened the door.

"Hariel," he called as he sat on the sofa.

"Sup?" I said while I waited for the laptop to turn on.

"That business proposal you sent me... I like it."

I turned my head to look at him. "Really?"

"Yeah. You'll still be presenting them to the board next week, though. Are you ready?"

"Yep. Everything's set."

Silence enveloped us.

Bumuntong-hininga ako. "I'm really sorry about—"

"No. I'm sorry."

Saglit na nanlaki ang aking mga mata. Nagulat ako sa sinabi niya.

"I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I cheated on your mother. I'm sorry I never intervened whenever kids bullied you or took advantage of you. I'm sorry I couldn't stop them from beating you. I'm sorry I didn't bat an eye whenever some group targeted you. I'm sorry I let you face all of that by yourself."

Nanatili akong nakatitig sa kanya.

"I know. I'm a failure as a father. I deserved all the times that you ignored, shouted, or got angry at me."

May tumulong luha sa kanyang mata.

"But... I... I wanted our loving little ball of sunshine back. I tried—

"No. I was a coward. I was scared. I was ashamed of myself. I couldn't approach you, especially after everything I've done to you.

"Then... I saw you with them. How you reacted and looked at them—at her—was like what you were before everything went haywire. At that time, I instantly knew that you found your new home."

His tears continued to fall, but he didn't bother to wipe it.

"You did everything to protect them. I was a bit jealous, but who am I to feel that when all I've ever done was ruin your life?

"Still, I chose to be happy for you. I had to accept the fact that I'm—we're—not your home anymore."

He sniffed.

"It's a shame, you know. I didn't even get the chance to properly bond with you, like other fathers and sons do... but I know it's my fault.

"When you asked me to do some things for you, I didn't even think of saying no, since it was a way for me to make it up to you. So, don't be sorry if we lost a few businesses because it was my choice to do it. Besides, it's not too late to establish new ones."

This was a sudden outburst, but I guess this was better than not directly saying it to me at all.

"I'll still be a better CEO than you, though," singit ko sa sinasabi niya.

He laughed a little. "I know. You'll be a better man and father, too.

"But to go to great lengths for a girl..." He gave me a small smile. "Even letting yourself get beaten—something you despised since you were little... I admire you for that. You are indeed strong and brave."

Napakamot siya sa kanyang batok. "I didn't like you being in a comatose state, though. You had us worried sick."

Muling natahimik ang lugar. Nabasag lang ito nang may kumatok at pumasok sa kwarto.

"Kuya!" sigaw nito at tumakbo papunta sa akin para yumakap. The necklace with a wire wrapped purple heart pendant which I gave her for her seventh birthday dangled around her neck.

"Sup, baby sis?" pagbati ko at ginulo ang kanyang buhok.

"Namiss kita," wika ni Alicia at ngumiti nang malawak.

Tinagilid ko ang aking ulo. "Weh?"

I laughed when she pouted. "I missed you, too," sabi ko sa kanya.

Umupo siya sa tabi ko at nagsimulang magkwento habang ako ay nagawa ng report. Nagpatuloy siya hanggang sa maggabi na at nawalan na siya ng energy.

"Kuyaaa," pagtawag niya sa akin. "Kantahan mo ako."

Nang sabihin niya 'yon ay agad na lumabas sa aking bibig ang kantang ginawa namin para kay Zion. Nagulat ako dahil 'yon agad ang naisip kong kantahin.

Unti-unti siyang napapikit, at pagkalipas ng ilang minuto, ay tuluyan na siyang nakatulog.

Napangiti ako. Effective talagang pampatulog ang kantang 'yon.

Dumako ang aking tingin sa lalaking naglakad papunta sa amin at dahan-dahang binuhat si Alicia.

"Time to call it a day," bulong niya at lumingon sa akin. Saglit siyang napatigil bago siya magsalita. "Good night, Hariel."

"Night."

Napansin kong bahagya siyang nagulat, pero agad siyang nakabawi at tipid na ngumiti. "You really have your mother's eyes and smile. You sing well, too, just like her."

Umiwas siya ng tingin. "It's as if everything vanished and the only thing that remained was your voice."

Humina ang kanyang boses, pero narinig ko pa rin ito.

"Anyway, we'll go now. Take care," pagpapaalam niya at binuksan ang pinto.

Ngunit bago sila tuluyang makaalis, napansin ko ang bracelet na suot ni Alicia.

JM's gift.

The door closed, and I opted to look at the window. It showed the dark night sky.

We still have a long way to go.

But when the day comes that you'll come back, I wonder if I'd have a chance to be yours.